The Suicidal Rambling Of A 14 Year Old Girl

I feel completely alone. There is no one but me, and I'm afraid.1

I'm afraid of what you'll do if I tell you. I'm more afraid of what you won't do.2

I'm here on this green blue earth, and I have everything. I'm white, living in an upper-middle class neighborhood.3

I have a big house, nice clothes, friends, and money. I have a family that loves me. I am the girl who has everything and still isn't satisfied. My parents have given me many gifts I appreciate, and one that I don't: my life.4

I don't remember quite when it happened, when the bright clear colors of the world shifted to a murky black. Some people call it growing up. I call it misery.5

I sank in to a depression so deep, that no one could save me. When they reached down to me, I burrowed deeper in my hole. I cut myself until I couldn't hear their calls anymore.6

I cut myself until the voices stopped. I cut myself until I could breathe.7

I did nothing to help myself, because I am nothing.8

I am useless and worthless and I don't deserve to be happy. Not now, not ever.9

I was so sad, so scared, so young. But that's all over now.10

Oh, yes, it's over. Because I have the bottle of pills in my hand, the vodka in the other. 11

Because I'm in charge now. 12

The pills slide down my throat like butter. Please God, don't send me to hell. I'm just a little girl. Please, God. 13

Let me be free.