Struggles (5)

CHAPTER 5: FIRST DAY1

So, I woke up in ANOTHER hospital bed. Ugh! Another cold, stiff bed...the same as I had laid in for 5 months previously. I hated those beds then...and I STILL hate them even now!2

"Hey! How ya feelin' Mrs. Ramsley?" Doctor Greene asked cheerfully.3

"Please. Don't call me that. Just Katharine, please."4

"Ok, Katharine...let's check how you're doing, ok? And then, we'll bring your new baby girl in here...Have you chosen a name for her?"5

"Angela Marie."6

"Ramsley?"7

"No, Sanders. My maiden name...Where's my mother?"8

"She'll be back soon. She's with Angela." Doc Greene proceeded to check my vitals and inspect my stomach by pushing and feeling around my abdoman. "How does that feel? Pain anywhere?"9

"Um...nope, still a little tender, but nothing that hurts."10

"Good, but you never answered my question...How are you feeling?"11

"Fine, I guess..."12

"Well, you're lookin' good. Stats are all normal. No signs of haemorrhaging; looks like you are the image of perfect health! I’ll just let you be alone with your family.” With that he left the room and sent in my mom and dad with my little angel in my mom's arms. My mom held her in her arms so naturally, like she had when she held Kelsey. I outstretched my arms toward them and asked to hold Angela.13

"Angela?"14

"Yea ma. Angela Marie Sanders, 'cause she's my precious little angel."15

"It's a beautiful name, Honey-dew," my father smiled down at me and his grand-daughter. 'Honey-dew' is a nickname my daddy started calling me when I was REALLY young and it just kind of stuck, although he doesn't call me that all that much anymore...16

I looked from my supportive, loving parents to the baby that was placed in my arms. "Hi angel face, I'm your mommy. Remember me?" I asked as she looked up at me and smiled, continuing to try and blink away the brightness of the lights. When she stopped blinking she stared up at my face. That's when I noticed that she had...has my cocoa colour brown hair and her own soft, baby blue eyes, which I figure will eventually change because blue eyes are in neither family. So, there she was, my baby girl, laying in my arms, giving me a feeling of comfort.17

How could something so wonderful come out of a series of such horrible events? Why was I blessed with this angel? Not to say that I didn't want her, because of course I wanted her! But I just wanted to know, 'Why? Why would God provide me with such a blessing? I have seemed to have done almost everything EXCEPT obey God...and still He shows love and compassion towards me.18

"You know, she's probably hungry..." My mother said, interrupting my own thoughts, "Would you like some help?"19

"No, thank you. Can I have some privacy, please?"20

"But..." she tried to oppose me, but was jerked away by my father, "Sure, baby."21

Once my mother was out of the room, my father followed, stopping to wink at me and pull the door closed as he left. I was alone except for Angela, my sweet angel. A single tear rolled down my cheek "Are you hungry princess?"22

I opened my dress slowly, one button at a time. My body ached for the contact between myself and my baby. I pulled my dress to one side, to reveal my aching breast to Angela. She struggled for a few seconds, trying to latch onto her target, and upon finding it, cooed softly. I smiled down at her, playing with her tiny ringlets of hair forming on her head.23

"My little princess, you're so precious. Mommy loves her little princess." I sang softly, placing sweet kisses upon her tiny fingers that gripped onto my pointer finger. I began humming a tune, that I remembered my mother singing to me as a child, as Ang ate. Halfway through, I switched her to my other side.24

---25

Once she was finished, she fell away from me happily, "You are such a blessing. God loves you and so do I."26

"Hey, sis. Is everything ok?" My sister, Kels, peeked her head into the room.27

"Great...Hey, are you back from school again?"28

"Yea, spring break..."29

"Oh," I had forgot about that. Easter was coming up one of these Sundays...I had lost track of time throughout the last couple of months. Busy taking care of myself and the unborn child I was carrying.30

"So...everything goihg well?" She inquired again.31

"MmHmm," I nodded and sighed, "Wanna come in and meet your new niece?"32

"Yea! Of course!...What's her name?" She asked as she walked cautiously to my bedside.33

"Angela Marie Sanders."34

"Awe!" She was at my side, playing prudently with Ang's hair, "She's so beautiful Kay!"35

"Want to hold her?"36

"Are you kidding?"37

"No, but you don't have to hold her if you don't want to..."38

"No! I'd love to hold her!" she said as she placed her arms out to receive Angela.39

"Just support her head...and her bottom!" Once in place and safely in Kels' arms, Angela relaxed again to slumber. Kelsey looked so natural with a baby in her arms. "Kels, you look like a natural holding her. You should really consider mother-hood."40

"Um...I think I'll stick to AUNT-hood for now!" We laughed together.41

"Why don't you sit down...enjoy holding her." Kels sat down in the chair next to me and crooned the baby, keeping Ang in her sweet and precious slumber.42