Chapter 1 - No title

Chapter 1 1

Sweat beaded across my chest and back even though I sat with the fan at my feet on high. It was almost 100 degrees outside (and about 100% humidity), and for the fifth time this month the AC was on the fritz, barley blowing out enough cold air to cool a hot dog. I glanced at the clock, midnight had come and passed and I was pushing another hour awake when I should have been asleep. Chay wouldn’t like me being up so late on a school night but he would understand the uselessness of it because of the heat. The fan was running like it was about to give, cooling the sweat on my body in an almost blissful sensation.2

Almost.3


The heat felt like it was pushing agents my skin, threatening to turn my entire existence into an inferno.
But the word yet close to
Whispers sounded out side, along with the occasional footsteps and sounds of moving about. I looked out the window, a masculine shadow moved in the distance. Neighbors, I thought. Even though it was late and most people would be asleep, the Cliff’s were a weird pair. They usually stayed up late pacing their front and back yards with a metal detector, searching for treasure or something. Metal rattled and someone cursed, John probably forgot his glasses and knocked over the trashcan, again. I got to my feet and peered out the window. Indeed the trashcan was knocked over, the contents of dinner the night before sprawled a crossed the lawn, but no sign of John Cliff anywhere. Ungrateful bastard, I thought. But even as I thought it I knew it wasn’t true, he and his wife might be a bit out there but they were probably the best neighbors we had ever had. Ignoring my bare feet, I opened the door and headed out side. More footsteps sounded and shadows passed the side of the house, I froze in the doorway and strained to hear something, anything. Everything was deadly quite, not even the crickets sang in the darkness. Goosebumps spread a crossed my arms and down my back, sending every fine hair on end. "John, you there? Merry, hello? “I called through the heat of the night. But no one answered; I took a deep breath and cursed myself for being paranoid. Stepping out the door and to the garage all the lights inside and outside the house fizzed out. Even the streetlights flickered then went out one by one until the whole street was nothing but darkness. "Great, just freaking’ great!" 4


I stumbled over my own feet but caught myself before falling on my face. In attempt to regain some light I pulled my phone from the back pocket of my shorts and flipped it open so the front screen could illuminate the darkness. A solid brick wall met me right in my face. Only it wasn’t a wall it was a man. If a man could be six feet of impressive muscle and masculine beauty. But despite my pride I screamed in horror and backed away from the stranger. Again, I tripped over my feet and went tumbling backward; the stranger caught my agents himself and held me there. I tried to push away gently at first, then harder when he wouldn’t release me. 5

"Where are you going princess?" He asked in a tone that had my bones shaking under my skin. I looked up at him, slowly like in a horror movie when you know the monster is right behind you. His hair was blood red hanging loosely to his shoulders emphasizing his swollen lips that were curved into a sneer showing perfect white teeth, and a set of fangs.6

Fangs! 7

"What the hell are you?" I almost shrieked as I tried once again, and failed to escape from his grasp. A low chuckle trembled from his lips, sending more Goosebumps a crossed my body. 8

"What you would you do if I said 'your worst nightmare'?" I snorted in disgust. 9

"I would say 'How cliché' and kick you in your NADS!"10

"My what?" He barely got the words out of his mouth before I kneed him where it hurts most. He let out a surprised Oomph! But caught himself before he fell to his knees. I backed up fast while I had the chance, but I didn’t get far. Another freaking' brick wall got in my way. Before thinking I turned and braced myself for another knee-to-groin assault, but was stopped mid motion.11

"I don't think so." The new stranger growled as he pushed my knee away from him. I Backed up a step then remembered fang boy was right behind me.12

"What the hell are you doing here, prick?" Fang boy stomped over holding himself, until I was almost squashed between the two of them. The two men looked like they were going to go at it, if looks could kill they both would be on the ground dead by now. Fang boy defiantly had the upper hand in size, though they were both well around six feet tall, Fang boy was all broad shoulders and hard muscle. The new comer was just as tall but lean, like an athlete and just as handsome. 13

"Nice seeing you again, too Derrick. Why don't you leave the girl alone and get your ass out of here before I do it for you." Derrick took a challenging step forward but before he could make a move to grab me the new comer placed a hand on my shoulder and pushed me behind him. I didn’t argue I just clutched to his arm and peeked over his shoulder. 14

"Give me the girl!" Derrick shouted almost shaking from the effort of keeping his anger under control. The new comer snorted. 15

"Over my dead body." The new comer said in a raspy tone, dripping with sarcasm. Derrick launched himself at us. The strangers arm tensed under my hands, his hand came up and I noticed that it was covered with something like a metal glove, wrapping around his fingers to sharp claw-like tips. Derrick stumbled, fell to the ground, and didn’t move. 16

"What happened?" I whispered afraid that if I was too loud he would get up and come at us again. 17

"Syra happened," I opened my mouth to ask for elaboration when the bushed rustled from the side of the house and a tall lithe shadow stepped out. I screamed hiding myself more behind the man in front of me; afraid it was one of Derrick’s men to finish his job.18

"Jesus fuck chick, anyone ever tell you that shit is awfully annoying." Her tone was irritated as she stopped and fussed with the fuse box, a couple seconds later the house lights as well as the street light flashed on momentarily blinding me. The woman I assumed was Syra sauntered up and bent over taking my chin in her hands and turned my head side to side as if to get a good look at me. "Well I can see why the boss is interested in her, Syra said to her 'partner', "She’s got pretty eyes and a nice bod. What the hell are you doing here though, Z, boss said I was 'suppose to pick the girl up.19

"Yeah boss did say that, funny how you always seem to disappear though, He sent me instead since your ass was MIA." I backed up a couple steps, so not liking the direction this conversation was heading, while they continued to argue.20

"You should be thanking me you sloth, I just saved your ass from that jerk! Syra commented as she jerked a thumb to where Derrick still lay unconscious.21

"Oh please! You and I both know that I could have finished him off with one hand, so don't give me that shit." 22

"That’s a little arrogant don't you think Z?"23

"It's not arrogant if it’s true." Z said matter-of-fatally, okay now that was arrogant. They talked over me, like I wasn’t there at all and I took it to my advantage. Not wanting to interrupt I figured I would just slip back inside while they were talking lock all doors and windows while I called my uncle Chay. I stepped through the threshold and quietly shut the door and locked it. Flipping open the phone I moved around the house locking windows while I waited for Chay to answer. Only he didn’t answer, there was a noise, I spun around and found the source. On the kitchen counter sat Chay's cell phone, pager, and his beloved butterfly switchblade. I watched the screen as my picture and name flashed on and off, ‘Incoming call Maloney Blair‘. He had taken the picture on his phone about a year ago, my wavy black hair was shorter then, and my eyes matched the bright green scenery as I daydreamed on a park bench. I cursed him out loud, the day I need him the most was the day he forgot his own rules. Rules that he had told me to never ever to forget. Always have a way of contact on your person, and always have some kind of backup knife on your person incase all other options go out the window and you are forced to fight. As the phone click over to his voice mail I cursed him again into the phone and grabbed his knife.24

"Your one sly chick, you know that, I hadn't even noticed you were gone till Z mentioned it." I spun on my heel to face Syra, she stood only inches above my five feet tall, with long blond hair so straight you would have thought it was fake. Her eyes were pale blue and were framed with thick lashed that added to the illusion that she was young and innocent. I would have believed it to, if she weren’t decked out in a leather body suit and carrying enough ammo for a small army. I shifted my weight and prepared to fight or flight, but Syra caught my movement for what it was and readied herself for a chase. I took off but damn she was fast, the second my back was to her she grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked. I flipped the knife open and went for her wrist, she hissed as the blade sliced through skin and hit bone. Again I took off and actually made it to the other side of the house before I was stopped again. The man Syra kept referring to as ‘Z’ appeared before me as I turned he corner to the living room and grabbed for me. With out thinking I reached for his arm did a half circle and twisted. In the moment I was grateful Chay had made me take all those self-defense classes with him. The move should have released me from his grasp and given me enough time to get away. Should have. Instead he pulled a move of his own, rotating his wrist he took a hold of my knife hand and spun me, pinning my arm to my back and my back to him. 25

"Owe!" I shouted through my teeth.26

"Oh, I'm sorry dose that hurt?" He asked sarcastically. He bent my arm further up sending white-hot pain up my wrist to my shoulder blade. "Life would be a lot easier if you just stop fighting and come with us." 27

"I'm sorry I already have plans tonight, and I have to get up early, how about next week?" I struggled agents his hold but it didn't do me any good. He laughed in my ear, sending and eerie chill down my spine and spun me to face him. Her stared down at me with hunger in his eyes. He leaned toward me; like he was aiming for a kiss but at the last second he turned and spoke into my ear. 28

"I wouldn’t tempt me if I were you, I might just take you up on that offer." His words scorched my skin, and every breath I took was laced with his masculine sent of smoked wood and leather. Syra's footsteps sounded from behind me, there was a soft snap before a sharp pain struck the back of my neck. My knees buckled the only thing keeping me upright was Z. 29

"That should take care of her for a little while." Syra laughed as my vision blurred and my mind started to shut down. I fell forward agents Z and he caught me. 30

"Jeez Syra, what the hell was that for?" I shut my eyes and tried to stay conscious but it was hard. She had tranquilized me. 31

"The bitch made me bleed!" She complained. Z scooped me up with a sigh before I could slide to the floor, there is no way this is going to turn out good, I though as my body shut down and I slipped into unconsciousness.32

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17
  • CandyMan
    October 30

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    This looks like an interesting story, the title drew me in.

    I loved paragraph 4 a lot. Its kind of the rising action till the climate. The man seems really creepy.

    Oh, I like the twist with the newcomer protecting the girl, good twist! Did not expect it.

    You have quite a bit of little grammatical errors, but if you have Microsoft Word, you can just copy and paste that into Word and grammar check it. That would fix it all.

    Whoa, pretty good story. Really enjoyed it, I'll start on Ch. 2 ASAP.

  • Marta gold member
    October 30

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    I like the first person narrative when the character is a badass chick who fights and is tough, yet feminine. I like your character, she reads interesting and she seems to have cojones, which is good when a girl has to deal with vampires and stuff.

    I good read in that it was sharp and funny and the storyline was evenly paced and moving.

    I hope you find a title for it soon.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • SororalAngel
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    I think you should capitalize My/Mine/Me anything do with yourself, I hate First-Person Stories, they all seem the same, all written the same, they overload their Story with a lot of fancy descriptions, but this one is going another way. You have some spelling errors but I absolutely LOVED this Story!

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • rustic
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    Catching begining :)

    I see spelling mistakes but people already caught them below.. well,I hope this ends up having a more than the average vampire take

  • the gentleman
    October 1
    Edit | Reply

    to dewdrop

    this story i like it, it was great bye now.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • CloakedAssassin
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    Hey there owner'o'mine, as you've mentioned i do as i please, i figured i'd take a read of one of your stories . Vampires really arn't my genre but you've really suprised me here
    There are a few spelling errors you should change, but i wont hold it against you .
    Generally i am anxious to read on which means you have an epic noval in the works
    So, start putting Next Chapter links in the Author Notes!
    Xx


  • SonOfScotland
    September 29

    Edit | Reply

    Much Bigness

    "I would say 'How cliché' and kick you in your NADS!"

    That was probably the best sentence iv ever read.

    I like your writing style, there are parts which seem more detailed than they are actually written- your economy of words is effective, dialogue flows well, and, dare i say it, aside from a few grammatical glitches (no touchy) I loved it. Now, im off to read part 2


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting, good, and entertaining story here... although I would suggest running it through a spell check and doing a careful read-over for typos. (dose=does, agents=against, barley=barely [those are some of the main ones I saw])

    Overall though, it was a good read. Your characters have some personality and you used description well. Thanks for entering the contest

    Pixie

  • ambril
    September 21
    Edit | Reply
    Wow great story love it


  • gothemchick101
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    W O W. This was amazing! Great turn and it keeps you wondering what will happen next. It also makes me wonder if Z and Syra are good or bad. I can't wait to read more. This was so awesome!!

    ~Dakota Lynn

    beginning: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Lady Mannequin
    September 11
    Edit | Reply
    This was very interesting.
    I enjoyed this piece.
    Thanks for entering my contest

    Cody xx

  • faithundefined
    September 6

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    Well this was defintatly interesting...I wasn't expecting the vampire bit...or at least I'm assuming vampire? As long as it doesn't get to twilightish or Buffish[which don't get me wrong, I love both] then it'll be a good story. lol..I can't wait to find out of Z and Syra are the good/bad guys here. I'm assuming good, but you never know. I'm having a sudden flash of the movie Wanted, if you've ever seen it. Syra reminds me of Fox a little, I don't know why. This was different, which I liked. Not instant Twilighish, in other words I have no idea what's going to happen next or what to expect.

    Great job, keep writing!
    Summer

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


    • DewDrop
      September 6
      Edit | Reply
      Lol yea you are right on the vampire bit, And no its nothing lkike twilight or buffy, its its own story through anf through. And yes I have seen wanted, I love the movie.
      Anyways, keep reading I can garentee it will be interesting,
      Thanks for the comment,

      Dew


  • the class
    September 3

    Edit | Reply
    I like the variation, like unremembered dream said, it's better that she didn't get bitten straight away. I think throughout the piece you wrote agents, when it should be against.
    But this is good, I'm going to keep reading

    • DewDrop
      September 3
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah I know I do that alot with that word. It frustrates me lol. And I ran it through spell cheak like 5 times lol, its funny cause this is the only chapter that is like that too.


  • The Insane Eraser silver member
    September 1

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    At first I was like, it's going tobe she gets bit and stuff, I was actully glade she didn't. These people are much more interesting, and complement the story better then a she gets bit is good and stuff XD Anywho, very well written, I found very little mistakes,and here they areso you can go backand fix them. ^^

    a crossed paragrapgh 8-should be across

    "Syra happened,"
    [NP]I opened my mouth to ask for elaboration when the bushed rustled from the side of the house and a tall lithe shadow stepped out.

    girl up(").19

    that jerk!(") Syra commented

    Her( should be he)stared down at me with hunger in his eyes.

    GL Karissa

    • DewDrop
      September 1
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much for reading and pointing everything out to me. You have no idea how many time I have gone back and looked over my work only to find more problems everytime lol. Its always nice to have fresh eyes.

      Thanks for the read.

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