Haden turned away feeling like a complete bastard. He lifted his right hand in a way that he was now growing accustomed to and waited for the woman in his bed to comply. 1
He watched her through the corner of his eye as she lifted off the velvet-covered mattress without a word. She robed her lithe frame and silently walked across the room and out the door. 2
As soon as she was gone, Haden let his wide shoulders droop and scowled at himself in the full-length mirror in front of him. He was still naked from his time with the woman his stomach and chest glistening slightly from his bodies exertions. 3
The lowlight behind him set his face in a shadow, which was perfectly fine with him. He had grown to hate his face. In truth, he had grown to hate everything about himself. 4
Scoffing, he moved closer to the mirror and looked into his silver eyes. The color had held significance once, but now they were simply silver. Ordinary. 5
His brow was set low in his expression and his thick, dark hair was falling messily over his forehead, standing at odd angles all around his head. 6
He ran his fingers through it and took a deep breath. The woman had been good; he had to give her that. 7
His phone vibrated loudly in the quiet room, nearly causing him to jump. Raven would be calling to see how the night went but Haden wasn’t into chatting with him right now. 8
He picked up the phone and silenced it. Raven could wait. 9
Haden sat down and stretched out on the floor, crossing his arms behind his head. When he shut his eyes, he saw the momentary flash of his past, shrouded in white behind his lids. 10
But then it was gone. Leaving only blackness in front of his eyes and sleep just beyond it.
Author notes
Next I will provide an outline to this story, outlining characters and such. It's just how i do things 
Hope you love it!
In a list
Is this a good start?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Howdy!
I like the image.
Here's an example of the use of rich text and secondary images:
http://storywrite.com/Aspasia77
Andy
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It's a good start
I certainly look forward to reading more into this and learning more of the story. 
Your descriptions provided great images as well, great work.
P1: He lifted his right hand in a way that he was now growing accustomed to and waited for the woman in his bed to comply.
comma after to
That was all I caught- Andy and jkingmaker already pointed out the other two minor errors.
Overall, it was well written and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Once again, welcome to the site
Pixie
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yayaa!!! Lady Pixie liked it!!!! I appreciate it!!! So much!! youve posted so much, you must know what you are doing, so i will take your word to heart!!!
Thanks to you for reading!!!
Mary
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bodies -> body's
Agree that this is a well written piece that is a good start of something larger. Nicely done.
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Yay!!!!! Thanks 4 pointin out my mistake!
I hope you continue to read the story!!!
~Mary~
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Hi Mary!
This seems like a good start. It does set the tone for the mood of your story and some of the personality of your main character. It also offers suspense and encourages me to read more. It works well as a prologue.
p3 woman[,] his stomach
Again, let me welcome you to Storywrite!
As well as a teacher, I'm a greeter here.
Let us know if we may be of assistance.
Andy
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Hello Andy!!! Thank you so much for your feedback!!!! After lookin at your profile and seein how accomplished you are, its an honor to have u read my work! Thanks!!!!!!
~Mary~ -
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You're welcome!
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Are you allowed to suggest a good erotic read???
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Hi Mary!
Sure, I can recommend stories. I write a lot of horror and/or crime erotica, if your into that sort of material, but I believe your profile mentioned romantic erotica.
Amicus2K9 writes a lot of erotica. Here's a link to his, 'The Girl's School':
http://storywrite.com/story/143612
Andy
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Do u write any?
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