1
Watching a pathetic fool blink back tears they have held thus far,2
I slide yet another brick neatly into place.3
“You disgust me!”4
Sealing away the foolish child whose screams become muffled as they 5
sludge their way through the thick stale air of stench and waste.6
Another brick,7
Then another-8
This time a brick of self-loathe is wiggled neatly into place 9
off-setting those of pity and shame.10
“How quaint.”11
Entombing this vulnerable putrid child12
Depriving them of light,13
Air,14
Sound-15
Robbing them of their senses;16
locking them eternally away to rot in filth.17
How fitting as only the strong survive.18
Their fingers are now raw and bleeding I am sure as I revel in their pathetic attempts to preserve.19
“Shush now and stifle those sob whimpers, you will not be missed!”20
“You are my little dark secret that is now cleverly hidden.21
A mere whelp, as I will allow those who bear witness;22
those whom are helpless to reach you place the last brick-23
A brick of ignorance”24
Author notes
okay...umm...well.. my muse has been on vaction for a while so this is basically a metaphoric piece about 'one' person at odds with themselves... walling/shutting away their more vulnerable weaker side from the world. The bricks signify different emotions that contribute and the last one (ignorace)... "ignorance is bliss" but in this case I wanted to convey a helpless feeling as all bystanders are ignorant or oblivious on exactly how to help...
so yeah... this will undergo some changes I am sure.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I think a lot of people who like to write tend to be at odds with themselves...and mainly to have doubts. And though I've well acquainted with self-depreciation I've never been into self-loathing, so that kind of hurts when I see people say that about themselves. Still, I see this tale as a hyperbole. It's an exaggeration of real feelings I am willing to wager.
"A brick of ignorance"
Well, I don't know your life but this well-written, expository piece suggests you aren't ignorant...so maybe we can knock that brick free...and once one falls, there's hope that they all will fall.
I just did my bystanders job...I tried to slap the bricks out of your hand as you tried to apply the mortar.
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wow this is an old write that I had never had the heart to redo. Thank you for reading and leaving such a nice comment anyways
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heartfelt thanks
That's what I say..."wow" in response to your comment...
I never expected this to have such an effect...
in return I cant tell you how much knowing such means
~G -
whoah
Wow girl, I drift off for a while and you go and write a masterpiece.....I cant even begin to describe how much I loved it....Chris -
I am so sorry for your loss as I am very familiar with simialr things and I also know there is very lil anyone can say except you do have my most heartfelt sympathy.
I am glad to know however that you had people there for you as one can starve within their own confines otherwise.Thank you so much for such a comment as I am beyond words.
~Swt -
I am always content to know my writes are at very least thought provoking. Thanks goes to you for the encouragement and understanding
~Swt -
I have faced times in my life when all but built a brick wall and turned my back on those surrounding me. I had many reasons of course, but all we do is create a whole new slew of problems without even realizing it. I like the many thoughts you have brought here, Thank you for entering our contest and good luck.
♥ Touchof1der -
Some times people reach a desperation and low where it is but their last resort. Thanks for the comment and taking the time to read
~Swt -
Well, I must say that this person in indeed at odds with himself. Pinning oneself behind a wall of indifference is going a bit far, but may do it just the same. Interesting write. Patricia
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lol... nahh my Muse is just as lazy as me
yes...kindered we are in this aspect as well SIGHS... one I almost wish we weren't but then the gutter would be so lonely
...I am honestly touched it would effect you...
~Swt
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erie,yet darkly spiff
wow,your muse must be on a working vacation!
you have really captured the lonely souls downward spiriling plight into self damnation.
the brick metaphor is almost too perfect (if there is such a thing?) to walls and dams some one would use to fortify their feelings from the outside world......you really haunt me with this one my friend.....
-cheers -
Thanks
I am glad you like my various styles as I am prob.
always trying something new
~Swt -
no no no
don't use mine as an example
This was just a way for me to dispel some angst.
From what I read pretty much any topic goes... so thanks for the read! and I will be sure to look for yours
~Swt -
Well the uncertainties are more of self doubts... leading up to self loath, pity, shame disgust... not so much the placement
I am glad u still enjoyed
~Swt -
Great write here hun reading it kind of reminded me a little of flowers in the atic. Lol this was something totaly diffrent from you but that what I love how u can change your style and still make wonderful pieces like this one. Great work hun.
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interesting. I'm thinking I misunderstood the contest now..mine is more reality
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I'm wondering about the title. . .as it doesn't seem as if the wall is uncertain about the placing of the bricks. Otherwise, I really thought it was great. Good use of imagery throughout, and the endings perfect!
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Thanks
Some things are a little easier to dissect than others.
~Swt -
Very introspective you set out to achieve a sense of self loathing and achieved it well done
Paul -
Well, sweet, you are rare indeed, still being in touch with all those children in you... even if you are walling them in as we speak! Now wouldn't it be nice to have a place where they all could play instead!
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