I awoke to Nick's dorky face. I pushed it away and laughed. "Hey Mai!" He smirked. "Hey freak, so what's for breakfast?!" I asked suddenly. Hearing my belly talking to me. "We are going out to eat. that's why I woke you up! Then we are heading to a party. FUN HUH?!" he smirked again. I smiled. "Yeah!" I snickered. I haven't really been out for a while. So I couldn't wait. I shooed him out and quickly got dressed. I put up my dark hair and walked down the stairs. They were waiting for me as always. Alec pulled the car up, a sweet Shelby cobra 1964 in mint condition and a Black dodge viper 1997, Also in mint condition. I smiled. Quickly got in the back of the Cobra and so did Nick and Max. Alec and Andrew was in the other car. I smirked. Good, my least favorite guys in the other car, happy day. At least 45 mins, we finished our Ihop breakfast and was finally at the party. Black, blue and red lights flashed around us and my feet started to dance with the music. "Your going down" by sick puppies played through out the place. I grabbed a random guy's hand from the crowd and danced with him. I looked at the face and glared. It was one of Dylan's vampire friends. I pulled away but he pulled me back in. I shook him off and quickly was away from him and back with my brothers. Well, I wish they were my brothers, so I decided to keep it that way and they agreed to it. Suddenly a hand grasped around my wrist and turned me around. I gasped. Dylan. His fangs sharp and I let out a whimper. My brothers turned also and snarled at him. "I talked to your master and said you never tricked me. I'm sorry. But then why are you hanging out with them, why aren't you trying to run from them?" He asked with true shock. "Dylan, I tried to tell you it wasn't a trick. And they didn't kidnap me, they saved me. Unlike you. Why would I run from my true family?" I snapped and Nick pulled me away from Dylan and into the group. "You heard the young lady." Nick snarled. "She's no lady. She says I'm the monster but really we both know Mai, your the monster here." Dylan smirked and walked into the crowd of humans. "What does he mean by that?" Nick asked. "I'll tell you guys later. Let's just have fun." I told them and took Nick's hand and begun to dance. The song had changed by now to "Afterlife" by Avenged Sevenfold. Finally when it just got to hot, I went outside for some air. Leaving them inside. I sat on a bench with a beer in my hand. so what if I'm 17. Some rules just just meant to be broken. Plus I had fake i.d. duh! I just sat there till a figure stood over me. I looked up to see Dylan. I sighed angrily. He sat next to me and hugged me from the behind. I sucked in my breath. "What the hell are you doing?" I snarled. "I'm sorry. I just can't think straight. My head has been poisoned and was taken away from you." He whispered in my ear, pain leaking in his voice. I blinked in shock but stopped myself. "That's a lie. You tried something like that last time remember? I'm not falling for that again." I snarled and pulled away from him easily. "Mai....I never told you this...." He started. I held my palm and shook my head. "Don't even start with your lies. Goodbye Dylan." I snapped and walked away.2
XDylan's VeiwX:
"Mai...I never told you this..." I started but she leld up her hand and shook her head in anger. "Don't even start with your lies. Goodbye Dylan." She snarled and stormed off. "Mai....I love you..." I whispered. How hard was it to tell a seventeen year old girl that he was wrong and loved her? I guess very hard. I sighed....
Author notes
FINISHED!!!
Mai at 7: http://s.bebo.com/app-image/6327721089/6327443187/PROFILE/i.idlestudios.com/img/q/u/08/03/30/6d1f8c37.jpg
Mai at 13: http://media.photobucket.com/image/Anime%20girls%20with%20brown%20hair/hiucanimoka777/anime%20girls/brownhair.jpg
Mai at 16: http://s.bebo.com/app-image/7929020782/5411656627/PROFILE/i.quizzaz.com/img/q/u/08/04/16/AnineChickaWarrior.jpg
Dylan at 8: http://images1.fanpop.com/images/photos/2200000/takishima-kei-anime-guys-2292729-535-301.jpg
Dylan at 14: http://media.photobucket.com/image/anime%20boy/thornmatt/1159737896_Anime_boy1.jpg
Dylan at 17: http://www.quizilla.com/user_images/Y/YU/YUE/YUECHERRYBLOSSOM/1218631732_5199_full.jpeg
New guys: http://img2.ak.crunchyroll.com/i/spire4/d282050b96442229bffd715ca104e9a71236735820_full.jpg
In a list
So what do you think?
Comments
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This really could be broken down into some shorter paragraphs, this is just one huge block and that's a bit hard on the reader when that's the entirety of the piece (even when it's not..). Anyways though, personally I didn't like how abrupt and choppy everything was; he said, ".........". I woke up. Got dressed. There just didn't seem to be a purpose for it, and I feel making them connected would be much better because then it feels like you are just listing quick little event after little event and none of it matters. So as contradictive as it sounds, shorter paragraphs, longer sentences.
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I liked the easy going feel of the dialogue. Very natural and not at all forced. Nice cars too
The detail is enough that it has me curious about the rest of the story. It was pretty easy to get into the story even though I had not read the previous chapters. So, good job with that


