BRIEF BACKGROUND FOR THE JADE QUEEN: She was raised in a land called Terra Incompertus, Latin for "Land Unknown" by her father & mother until her mother died while the Jade Queen was still a young teenager. Her father raised her until he, too, died in her early twenties. The Queen's pain was so great that she took the liberty to use her beautiful body to lure men into her home so she could poison them and watch them writhe in agony for eternity like she does. This is just a story I wrote about how much pain the Jade Queen really feels when she thinks about her parents. If you need more background, i suggest you read my story "The Jade Queen and Her Moaners" first.1
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Her Majesty was just getting ready to trim the cherry tree that bloomed outside her bedroom window when she had a thought. All her life’s work of collecting innocent, young men and turning them into helpless Moaners would be demolished if she were depart this life. All of them, every last one would become human again when she met Death. Who would be her successor? The Jade Queen’s blackened heart had turned down any alliance other rulers had attempted to make with her. There was no one she could turn to on her death bed, no one to hold her pallid hands and tell her everything would be alright. These sudden terrors that filled her mind were overwhelming, and the Tear Trampler herself began to weep.
“Oh, stop this absurdity at once! Stop it, I say!” the Queen mumbled to herself rather crossly. “Oh, you must be getting silly in the head. All these murmuring madmen have gotten to you, Your Highness,” she often addressed herself accordingly, for she really had no one else to speak to her properly, “You must be growing insane, crying to yourself because of a time that has yet to come. Really, you are being very silly. Death’s cold fingers have not felt your heart just yet, my dear…there you see?” Her Majesty stopped sobbing. “Now it really isn’t that bad to understand death as you have… with your mother and father being forever lost in the same way you weep about now… oh, no, not again!”
And when the poor Jade Queen thought about her dead parents, the tears came once again. She placed her head in her hands and tried to erase any memory of her mother and of the man who raised her singlehandedly after she died. But as she attempted to disregard these painful recollections, memories mostly of her mother invaded her mind; reminiscence of her tucking a warm blanket around the Jade Queen as she, only three, fell fast asleep in her arms. The Queen remembered her first pony and how her loving parents, both with amused grins on their faces, helped her onto the animal and held the reigns, leading their daughter around the field. The next memory revealed the Jade Queen and her mother laughing all the way to the Centre to spend as many coins as they could on a single gown for their family dinner they were to have the next day. Suddenly the two females were fighting, Her Highness’ argument having to do with wanting to get an education and how it wasn’t fair that she was the only poor child in their city, Toom; she was only nine…
She sobbed so uncontrollably that she ending up scolding herself very severely; the Trees outside could hear her cries of internal pain as clear as if she were standing next to them.
Recollection of her mother brushing her pitch black hair and asking how her day was going came flooding back. She remembered the kisses goodnight, the goodbyes as she ran off to play with her only friends, the Trees, the scolding when the young Queen came back, dripping from head to toe in mud. Every moment she ever spent with her parents filled her brain in that instant. Her head throbbed, her heart ached. The Queen screamed, alarming every creature that lived in and beyond the musty walls of her ancient palace. Her colorless face turned a frightening shade of blue. Her lips pursed so tightly they almost cracked. Her body fell to the ground as she writhed in excruciating pain. What brought this monstrous agony upon me? she thought, and suddenly, without warning, her breathing shallowed, her mind gave out, her heart skipped a beat, and as she imagined, for a moment, Death reaching out its fatal hands to finger her heart, she collapsed, falling swiftly into profound unconsciousness.
Author notes
just an idea. its the first real anything i wrote for my new novel...
critisize this like heck ok?
i need to do A LOT of work on this.
tell me what you hated & what was great.
i want everything you could possible find ok???
ok...go!
Contest: Emotion by Lady Pixie. I chose Sorrow.
In a list
A contest entry
- Emotion by Lady Pixie.
225 points, ended November 22, 42 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Is this wayyyy too dramatic?
Comments
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You do well at conveying emotion, while at some times I do wonder if it is a little over-dramatic.
My major criticism here would be to space between your paragraphs to make it easier on the reader.
Overall, I did like your imagery and the character interested me. Good work and thanks for entering
Pixie

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wow you like read my mind.
ive totally been thinking that it must be way too overdramatic && ive been wanting someone else to realize that before i actually changed it!
youre awesome
thnxx for the review!
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