Raven walked out of the Sparring room and left Varel on his own. Varel's mind was still reeling from Ravens kisses, unable to comprehend that after all the time between not seeing each other that her feelings for him haven't changed. Varel touched his lips with his hand unable to believe the feeling of electricity that she left after her kiss. Varel walked to too his room and walked over to the bed and layed down. Varel's eyes soon grew heavy and he fell into a deep sleep.1
Varels Dreams were of the past when he first visited the house of clan Drakkoden it was 15 years ago when he was 5 years old. His parents were very good friends with Lord Drakkoden and they went to see him often but on this occasion they took Varel too. Varel was following behind his parents quietly as they approached the house. Varel looked up at the house and he was a bit nervous he was worried about if he got lost would he ever be found. Varels parents approached the front where Lord Drakkoden was standing with his wife and a little girl on his otherside who looked about the same age as Varel. Varel looked at the girl with his eyes wide open his heart was racing he wore a large smile and pulled on his parents clothes and said " who's that Pwetty girl standing over there" his parents looked at each other smiling and the replied " that is Lord Drakkodens daughter Raven." 2
The memory memory rippled then faded only to be replaced with anouther one that was 3 years later of him and Raven playing. Varel was chasing Raven trying to catch her but he couldn't catch her. Raven looked back to see how far Varel was behind her but she didn't notice the log in front of her and she tripped over it but before she hit the ground Varel lept over and caught her. They looked at each other and Raven said "thank you Varel" and then they both leaned forward kissing each other.3
The memory faded once again to be replaced by his last visit to the Drakkoden clan house 2 years later. Varel and Raven were standing together infront of both pairs of Parents when they were told that they were to be married in 10 years time, but the parents both said that if Varel and Raven ceased to love each other like they do now that they wouldn't be forced to wed. The happiness of the children came first. Varel and raven stared at each other and then whisphered to each other " I will always love you no matter what."4
Varel was suddenly awoken by someone laying beside him shaking him he opened his eyes to see Raven laying beside him. Raven was smiling and says " good morning Varel did you sleep well" Varel leans forward and kissed her and replies "I slept very well thank you" Raven grinned and says "good to hear it but my father wishes to speak with us." Varel gets up and says "good i wanted to speak to him too with you there as well." Raven looks at Varel and says "why do you want to speak to him" with a look of confusion on her face. Varel stands up and lifts Raven off the bed and says " you will find out soon enough so lead the way to your father"5
Raven lead the way to Lord Drakkodens Study Varel remembers the room very well. Varel thinks to him self 'this is the room where our parents told us of our arranged marriage.' Lord drakkoden is sitting in a large chair thats also in a georgian style like all the other furniture in the house. Raven walks up to her father and says "we are here farther but Varel wanted to speak to you anyway but he won't tell me why." Lord Drakkoden stands up and faces Varel and asks "why did you wish to speak to me Varel" Varel walks up to Lord Drakkoden and goes down says "i wish to take your daughters hand in marriage and for us to be wed when she wishes it." Lord Drakkoden looks at Varel and says " of course you can Varel does this mean you will also be taking your place at the head of clan Drakkoli?" Varel looks at Raven and then back to Lord Drakkoden and says "yes i will because if there are people tying to stop you from finding me and if a clan is involved, i will be there not as just Varel but at my rightful place as the head of clan Drakkoli with Raven by my side the whole way." Varel looks at Raven and she looks back and then runs over to him and kisses him passionately. Varel returns the kiss with just as much passion they quickly stop when they remember that Lord Drakoden is in front of them and they both blush in embarassment. 6
lord Drakkoden looks at them and smiles and says "you two bring back fond memories of me and Raven's mother of when we were your age." Lord Drakkoden then turns and looks at Raven and asks " so my daughter when do you want your wedding" Raven turns and looks at Varel and then to Lord Drakkoden and replies "I dunno Father but as soon as i have decided i will tell you."
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Comments
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The beginning of this was very good - I liked the emotions captured there, but then it kind of dwindled for me. I think that it lacked emotions in most bits, particularly when Varel asked for Raven's hand in marriage. Shouldn't he be a bit more nervous/happy? And I don't really feel the connection between him and Raven yet, except after the kisses in the first paragraph and the ending. But chemistry and attraction weren't really there for me. You might also want to add more descriptions in this - like the memory flashbacks and the general setting of the story. They are vampires and I think that would've made for some very interesting settings don't you?
But, I do like how the story is coming along and how it's developing. I want some action though!
And some complications. So yeah... if you add some more emotions here and there, a few detailed descriptions and some action, I think you have an awesome story. Post more soon
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