Diary of an Arizonan Murderer (Chapter 4)

Chapter 41

Addiction to Pride2

That fat lard of a cop sneered and shook me The bastard thought he could intimidate me. I decided to play along.3

"Hey. Please, I can't go in there. I didn't do it. I didn't do it, I swear!"4

And then he made his fatal mistake. He loosened his grip, and in that second I struck. Right to the crotch, man, right to the crotch. And once he was down he took a couple kicks to the head and I went on running. I ran fucking fast outta there.5

Heh. Human kind is so stupid and gullible. It's the ones with the feelings for others that die because of their weakness. That's what caring is. A weakness. I wouldn't sacrifice my life for nobody.6

The rhythm of my fast-paced steps and my heart seemed to be one. I didn't even know where I was or where I was going. It just seemed that now I was in even more trouble. God damn. I've come to despise humanity. I include myself in that. I hate myself for being one of these worthless creatures.7

They say a life for a life. I've taken two lives (at least, from the puddle of blood on the sidewalk I certainly THINK it's two). Look at that. A loop hole. Even if I died, who else would have to die with me to equal things out, eh? 8

I stopped for a moment to catch my breath. No, I'm not stupid enough to stand out in the open. I hid behind a bush, dumb ass.9

I'm too far into this now. I played God twice. I know I'm going down. I wasn't as smart as I thought. But I might as well take down some more with me. Some more worthless human lives. The ones that made me bleed back when I was a kid. The ones that ripped the insanity from me and forced me to conform. Those bastards..those little fuckers.10

"Get away from my stuff, you asshole!"11

I looked up, sneering. A bum. Hobo. Jobless slime of the earth. That piece of hairy scum had the nerve to call me an asshole? I don't think so.12

I killed him.13

Right next to a canal, we were. Plenty of dangerous worthless junk around there. Guess that's why the hobo was living there, huh? Wasn't too hard to find a board. Or a nail. Kicked him in the groin, and while he was writhing in pain, jammed the nail into his worthless skull. Eyes glazed over almost instantly.14

Maybe I've become addicted? Maybe I thought too highly of myself in the beginning. Killing feels good. It releases the pain. Three lives, huh?15

That's nothing all that impressive. Bet you anything I can do at least fifteen before I get caught. Or, knowing me, go insane. That's the funny thing about the human mind. No matter how strong you think it is, it never stands the test. Don't even think that you're the exception. 16

That was my mistake, remember? Now I like the adrenaline of killing. I'm stuck. Not only have I destroyed the life of three people, I've destroyed their families too.17

I feel a sick sense of pride from that.18