Fire

It's divine to watch the golden-orange flames crackle and purr, imprisoned in a box of polished glass,
starving to feed,
to lure anything from the insignificant morsel of a moth to the deliciously vulnerable feast of human flesh. 1

Oh sweet, erotic little fire; seduce me with your lustful glow, your serpentine dance like the sinful sway of a siren lulling me to dreamland.2

Cunning fire, the Creator and Destroyer, shackled and shrouded in darkness.
Even shadows make the plain ones beautiful...3

You take but never give, unchanged by the destruction, by the houses devoured and souls left to wander,
to pick up the pieces of their charred lives.4

I watch as trees are stripped bare,
buildings crash to their knees and the coward sun--hiding in smoke-is all but a helpless bystander.5

Even candlelight cannot be trusted...for it is merely the fetus of a raging flame.6

Author notes

It's not my best, but it's better than zilch.

I know, major suckage, but don't disembowel me lol.

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Jack Necron
    September 2

    Edit | Reply
    This certainly does not suck.

    In fact, it's incredibly well done. Comparing your own feelings, views of the world, past and state of mind to that of an inferno is a perfect metaphor. (I could be wrong, everyone has their own interpretation)

    The wording is what draws you in. You have an enchanting way with words, using them beautifully in areas that would normally be the opposite. I also don't see anything wrong with it.

    This is a hauntingly beautiful piece

  • Oh and clappies!

  • A ruffle of feathers, a small carbunkle of words and a name change...something tells me it's my Canadian dominatrix friendo! Not sure what this was all about but I get the feeling of sexual tension in this, sex and it's rather poetic too... I did LOL at the description 'word vomit' that's made my day!

    Mike
    xxx


    • DogsLookUp silver member
      August 29
      Edit | Reply

      Mikey?!

      HOLY CAT PAWS ON A HOT TIN ROOF IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?!?!?

      Hi sweetie! I've missed you so much...where have you been, hmm? Yes, I am never satisfied with a username for more than a week, no matter how many times people tell me how fitting it is.
      This was a random spur-of-the-moment kind of write which I personally hate lol. Sometimes an idea will nag at my brain and I'll have no choice but to post it. Word Vomit is my own codename for stories that stink, like vomit, and aren't impressive at all when it comes to my writing ability.
      Anyways, thanks for the applause and comment. Gosh I'm glad you're back.

      • It is I, the one and only lover of all things tights and superhuman, though Batman isn't...but I still love everything Batman....ANYWAY. Yes, I haven't been on for a while, which I hated myself. Been on holiday, been doing a lot at work and been saying goodbyes to a lot of friends. It's amazing how parties take up so much of a week, but it's all calmed down now thank god!

        • DogsLookUp silver member
          August 29
          Edit | Reply

          LOL, Batman is all flavours of win (except for the cartoon)

          Yay, you all partied out so you'll be forced to spend more time with meee.
          *insert creepy smile here*
          I hope that you continue Junk ^^.


  • Farhan
    August 28

    Edit | Reply

    Hello Sin!!! :)

    It was a good piece of........... well can i use the word poetry. It do not sound like poem to me. I think this is the suckage you were talking about. Anyways, whatever it was, it do not sucks. It was your fault that you labeled it poetry. But there was nothing wrong with the thing.
    Keep it up.

    • DogsLookUp silver member
      August 28
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Farhan!

      Yeah, I guess my poetry knowledge is quite limited.
      Thank you for reading/commenting. Suck or no suck, I still got practice writing it lol.


  • lil.janie
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not sure why you think that this 'sucks'. It's beautiful. You played with words in a way it made me feal aflame. I like fire, I like its curves and unpredictable nature. It can be destruction incarnate, but at the same time we can't live without it.
    And there are so many kinds of fire. I had the feeling that you weren't talking only about the 'real thing' alone, but that there was more. Well, for me there really was, weather you meant it or not
    Nice piece of work!


    • DogsLookUp silver member
      August 28
      Edit | Reply

      Hello Lil.Janie!

      A review that made me blush...
      You are too sweet, thanks so much!


  • bird-mad girl
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    I've really enjoyed these last two pieces by you. They're more like pieces of prose verses a prose story. You're taking topics and morphing them into something different and lovely and refreshing. I love how the fire was real and meant something more then just flames. it was destruction. at least that's what I thought of it as. how one spark can flourish into something out of control and beautiful and hypnotic and then it completely consumes you.

    The opening was really something. it was like the fire you created, lures you in. traps you. tempts you into feeding it.

    I LOVE the word "serpentine" I've been using it obsessively. such a sexy word.

    There was a lot of truth in this piece, mainly the part when you talked about it overpowering houses and leaving the victims to fend for themselves. it's a very true statement of life. and it's not just the the person teethered to the flames but the people who love them as well. everybody gets hurt when you play with fire. [hahah sorry that was really corny!]

    And the part after was great too. everything just falls apart and nobody can stop it. everything will be gone.

    The ending was fantastic as well. it's another truth that speaks on a billion different levels.

    I felt like this is one of those pieces that you could apply to many situations in life. it's vague enough but strong enough to be matched with anything.

    xxx

    PS. I love your picture!!! I LOVE Nosferatu! silent films are incredible.


  • MorbidGarden
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    excellent....love it...makes me feel burnt...and the background goes great with your wording...whoever says you suck needs to feel the wrath of your pure, amazing fire!


    • DogsLookUp silver member
      August 27
      Edit | Reply

      Hi MorbidGarden!

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.


  • MsAlee gold member
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    i think its beautiful! You've caught the fire within your words. You tell of its beauty and yet of its destructive soul. i wouldn't change a thing in it.


    • DogsLookUp silver member
      August 28
      Edit | Reply

      Hey MsAlee!

      As always, inspired by the kind comments you leave on my work.
      I need a break from horror stories.

  • mcfreeman
    August 27
    Edit | Reply

    Actually very good...

    actually....


    • DogsLookUp silver member
      August 28
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Mcfreeman!

      I'm actually shocked that you thought so...
      Thanks!

  • Hides the scapel I was hiding behind me in the pocket of my pants.

    I am not sure what I was expecting, but I sure was not expecting this. Now what I will say is that this is something completely different to anything I have seen from you. Yet at the same time. It is the beautiful morbidity of humanity that you cast and splay before [us] the reader that makes this such a riveting peice.

    It is poetic yes.
    It is the blunt, raw truth of humanity and the universe in your eyes and in your mind and how could anyone crititize you for the way that you precieve the world.

    It takes courage to admit the flaws.
    It takes pride to stand for what you want.
    It takes talen to write something so sharp and provoking in such a small space of words and capture the escence of my thoughts to a tee, of someone elses thoughts to a tee.

    Brilliant, shining talent.
    I am not being biased either.
    Exceptional and bravo for challenging yourself and opening up the wounds.

    Love the language.
    I would just about kill to be able to write like you.
    Your style is the fire of insipration.

    <3

    • DogsLookUp silver member
      August 27
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Prodigious.Mirth!

      You is awesome.
      This review almost brought me to tears, Blairykins, for nobody has ever mentioned about how I feel as a person about the world, about how society has gone up in flames along with everything I believe in.
      Thank you so much for the warm, heartfelt review (and applause, of course).
      I'm humbled that you found this to not be epic suckage.
      Actually, it took me a good 2 hours to finish this. O.O

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