Meredith sat down on the corner of her soft, cool bed as she looked out her window. Nothing new there, of course, but she did this "tree gazing" when she wanted to think. She'd been thinking a lot lately--about how much she hated her life and how happy she would be when the charade was finally over.1
"Don't fret so much, my darling darkling," came a voice from the back of her head, a voice so smooth and seductive that she couldn't help but to melt inside.2
She lay down, her eyes closing as soon as her head touched the soft coolness. Almost instantly she was taken away from her thoughts and worries and was scooped up into the arms of warm solidity. She knew that she would regret the embrace later, but he had such a power over her that she could not control her actions.3
A deft, black shadow consumed the room and she felt the warmth leave her, only to be replaced by cold fingers and prodding members against her backside. Her clothes seemed to melt away as her body was pushed up on the bed, her ankles forced gently behind her head. With one small grunt, the shadow consumed her, as well. 4
"Take from me this life i know...let me have you to love and to hold!" the voice said, no longer in her head but somewhere up near the ceiling. 5
"Go from me! Leave me alone!" Meredith said, sobbing as she felt her ass cheeks begin to spread to the point of uncomfortableness.6
In a second, she felt the throbbing end of his member pressing inside as cold hands caressed her heaving breasts. The demon would press it's way through her ass and out her mouth had he his way. She sought the comfort he'd once been able to give her but could find nothing there save for a dick too big to fit inside her anatomy and hands too cold to weild any kind of life.7
"What are you doing?" she groaned as he began to inch his way out of her only to thrust back in much harder.8
He groaned. "Loving you...just loving you, sweet Queen."
Author notes
Option 3
A contest entry
- My Last Contest Until I Have 2,000 Points by So Strange.
820 points, ended October 22, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Well Written
I noticed some good descriptions and some good imagery in this story, as well as a memorable, pretty well written story. It seems to me that there would be more to this, but that all depends on you and whether or not you have written more of this or not.
Keep up the good work. I enjoyed this story to a point and it's definitely got good descriptions and the imagery is quite vivid, as well. I'll be reading more of your stuff as soon as you post some more or I notice that you have already posted more.
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Wow, great!!!
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It had its strong points, but it was overuled by it's weakness towards the end. The reason being that to be it was to rushed, and the langauge was to blunt. it was like a stab in the face with words when you could have chosen them a little more cafefully.
You have a grasp on vocabulary and how to use it but when you are writing you need to stick with one frame of mind. When I speak of frame of mind I mean your langaue.
An example would be:
Good description : caressed her heaving breasts.
Bad Description : dick too big to fit inside her.
Something more like lenght, member..e.t.c would better fit this. Saying DICK TO BIG... is blunt and you have used two different frames.
Do you see what I mean.
If you are going to write erotic writing you either stick with the more vulgar terms like COCK, DICK, PENIS, ERECTION, VAGINA, CUNT e.t.c or Memeber, Length, Hardness. It makes it flow better.
Storyline would be a 3 out of 5. Wasn't anything to special. Could have been better with extensions on the story. Dialgoue was cute, but overall it felt like a fragment which has a lot of potential if you extended it.
Love the idea of a Demon violating her body.
Have been in that position before, So I can connect with your character.
;] Blair.
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Well, this was really interesting and dark and scary and even a bit comical. I love the end when the demon says: "Loving you...just loving you, sweet Queen." Genius, ust genius! The best line ever! Greta write!
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Frightning
Be careful what you wish for you just might get it. his is a horrible place to be in. with no control over your own body or who uses it for their on gratification. An evil entity for sure.
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