Estelle sat on her bed looking out the window no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't’t get to sleep, she was too excited, today was her 6th birthday, and just thinking about it made her squeal with delight.2
She looked out the window at the tree that grew there; “Soon,” she thought “that tree will be covered by so many bright streamers that even the birds will be envious!” she laughed as she imagined birds sitting in the neighbors tree twittering in jealousy. She got up and ran around the room with her arms outstretched twittering and laughing.3
“S'endormir Estelle*!” grunted her father from the next room.4
“Oui le papa, je suis désolé*” Estelle said feebly as she crawled into bed.5
People often said Estelle looked like her father they had the same big brown eyes that would put a deer to shame, the same dark brown hair and the same oval shaped face, but there was also some of her mother in her, she had her mother’s wavy hair, her petite feet and hands, and her long legs and waist.6
Estelle’s feet twitched under the covers, she glanced at the little clock that her grandma had given her before she died.7
2:00, 1 more hour until 3:00, Estelle yawned finally feeling tired, she twittered one more time before she fell asleep.8
“L'hâte, se réveiller*!”9
Estelle jumped out of bed10
“Quel est la mauvaise maman *?”11
Before her mother could answer Estelle knew, the air-raid sirens were wailing.12
“Prendre seulement quelque posessions*!”13
“Oui la maman*.”14
Estelle ran around the room grabbing the only toys she had and her grandmother’s clock.15
“Nous devons partir maintenant*!” came her father’s worried voice from the door way.16
Estelle bundled everything in her blanket and ran out her door her mother at her heels. When they got outside it was chaos, people were running in every direction.17
“Me suivre*!” shouted her father18
Her mother and Estelle obeyed and wound their way through the crowd. Estelle squeaked as a man pushed her to the ground.19
“La maman, pappa*!” screamed Estelle20
She got up and looked around, there they were!21
“La maman, pappa, m'attendre*!” cried Estelle as she chased after them22
Estelle stopped in her tracks as people started to turn around and run the other way as a bomb blew up, she scanned for her parents faces, she didn’t see them.23
Estelle cried, her parents were dead; she turned and ran ducking into an ally way sobbing.24
A bomb exploded causing the corner of the building that Estelle was leaning against to break off and fall. Estelle screamed as it made contact with her head.25
/To be continued.....26
Author notes
*S'endormir Estelle!= Go to sleep Estelle!
*Oui le papa, je suis désolé.= Yes papa, I'm sorry.
*L'hâte, se réveiller!= Hurry, wake up!
*Quel est la mauvaise maman?= What's wrong mama?
*Prendre seulement quelque posessions!= Take only a few possions!
*Oui la maman.= Yes mama.
*Nous devons partir maintenant!= We must leave now!
*Me suivre!= Follow me!
*La maman, pappa!= Mama, papa!
*La maman, pappa, m'attendre!= Mama, papa, wait for me!
Sorry if it's a bit choppy, I didn't know how to word certian stuff right, once I know how I'll fix it.
A contest entry
- Do judge a book by its first page by darling dearest.
300 points, ended March 27, 2007, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Thank you for taking the time to enter my contest! Sorry this is late notice but it also takes time to judge! you told the story very well but I'm not so sure about the story? I love the excitement of the little girl and it makes the reader excited too! And then theres the twist of the tragedy without even a blink of an eye! I hope its just her nightmare! A suggestion would be to leave the reader in wonderment about if the family is dead or alive? That could turn into a story itself! But i love the was you left the reader wondering if the girl was dead or alive! Good story and good luck!

darling xx -
Though I do agree with Bloodied Rose, and it seems to be hinting at Anne Frank with the French language (the connection being the European languages). I honestly enjoyed your vivid descriptions. I hope you would consider a twist. Not choppy at all, the flow and transistion were very well placed.
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Good
Hmm...you know this reminds me a bit of Anastasia *Blinks a bit and looks at the name* Did I spell that right? Anyways, it was interesting.

