"Come Dearie, now is the time," a voice with rich texture whispered into Clarabelle's ear. She knew this voice well. Soon after Clarabelle's family had moved into an old Victorian house Clara heard footsteps in the parlor.
Slowly she rose off the couch and tiptoed up to the parlor door and peeked in. What she saw was a woman dressed in an late 1800's era dress with a tight bun on the top center of her head. She had small spectacles perched on the ridge of of her nose and she was holding a book.
"Oh!" she said. "Oh, I didn't hear you arrive! How silly am I? Please sit down!"
"You're asking me to sit down in my own home?" Clarabelle asked unbelieving.
"Your home? I grew up here! How dare you insult me like this! I must ask you to leave!" Quickly Clarabelle ran out of the parlor and never went back in for fear of seeing the woman again.
About a year after the incident in the parlor, Clarabelle was in her room at her desk when she heard the door creak open. Naturally thinking it was Sammy, Clarabelle's little brother, she said "Sam, leave me alone. I'm doing my homework,"
The voice that replied wasn't her little brother's, but that of the woman from the parlor. "What did you call me?" The woman stood in the doorway with a quizzical look on her face.
"Oh. It's you,"Clarabelle said in a low voice.
"I have a name, you know," she said.
"Really? You didn't mention that before when you told me to leave my own house," Clarabelle said, not knowing what she was going to do with a strange woman in her room.
"Oh, right, that," she said awkwardly. "I'm Sarah. Sarah Landy,"
"Clarabelle," Clara said, turning around.
The woman, Sarah, now had her hair down and was wearing an old nightgown. "You do realize I'm dead, don't you?"
"It crossed my mind," Clarabelle said. "How did it happen?"
"I don't know, so I need your help. I need to know," Sarah pleaded. "You wouldn't understand, you're not dead with no memory as to how you died," Sarah started sniffling.
"Okay, okay! I'll help you!" Clara said hurriedly not wanting her to cry.
And so that is how Clara came to know and tell Sarah Landing how she died. The newspaper clipping went as follows:
On the night of April 21, 1889 a young woman by the name of Miss Sarah Landy was murdered. Her father heard her fiance enter the home at 9 o'clock and left at 10 o'clock. As of now the main suspect is Mr. Clark Wrighty-
"That's where it's ripped off," Clara explained.
"Clark wouldn't ever kill me would he? Well, you wouldn't know. You weren't even alive for this," Sarah said, and she disappeared.
Now 5 months since the last time Clarabelle had seen Sarah, and now Sarah came to her at 12:00 midnight saying "Come Dearie, now is the time,"
"Now is the time for what?" Clarabelle asked sounding irritated.
" Follow me," Sarah said. Clara got up and followed Sarah in a sleepy daze.
Eventually they were in the woods by a cliff. "What are we doing here?" Clara asked.
"You know, I've been alone a long time. I'm getting very lonely, very lonely indeed. Come here," Sarah beckoned. Slowly Clara came and Sarah grabbed both of her arms rendering them useless and slowly started edging their way to the cliff's edge. 1
The next Sunday paper the front page article read:
On Tuesday a young girl by the name of Clarabelle Adams was found at the bottom of a cliff after being-
This is where Clara's family stopped reading.
A contest entry
- Prompts, glorious prompts... **NOW ACCEPTING PREWRITES** by Melancholic Smile.
450 points, ended September 20, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
I'm curious, what did you think ? Was it too long, too short, not enough detail?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I thought this was a good write, you didn't include the prompt you used but I'm pretty sure it was the picture one with the girl and the ghost! OK, on the good side, I thought you got a really good idea in your head and kept me interested from beginning to end. I liked the twist in it and the grammar errors here and there didn't detract from the enjoyment of the plot. I did feel it was a little rushed/fast paced, and would make a great longer piece if you felt like expanding it. Again, I agree with others with regards to putting a double space between paragraphs, and whilst it isn't necessary it does make it easier to read. I hope you might decide to edit this piece and expand it as I think it could be a really good story as a longer piece with more development in the relationship between the ghost Sarah and Clara. Good names by the way! Thanks for entering and good luck
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While the plot was excellent and at times well told I felt that the presentation of the piece let it down. Lady Pixie suggested that people split dialog with a line break and while this is true it's not necessary. I would however advise you to add a line break after each individual part of the timeline as it would help readers grasp that the events are happening at seperate times.
Overall thought it's a nice story. Remember to add the prompt that you chose to your Author Notes though.
beginning: 3, plot: 5, ending: 4, characters: 4.
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thank you, all of you!
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This had an intriguing twist and creepy ending. Clarabelle was an intriguing character and I particularly like that name
As Reaver said, there were some grammatical errors, punctuation and spacing errors as well. But, not a bad read, either A small tip that I'd like to offer is that many writers here seem to have a preference for spacing paragraphs apart- this is only because it does make a piece easier to read. However, it's not a requirement or anything of that sort and you're free to format your story whichever way you like
I hope that you meet many wonderful and helpful people here on the site and welcome!!
Keep writing
~Pixie, Greeter
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This had a bit of a twist to it I enjoyed reading about Clarabelle and Sarah! Great work!
There are some grammatical errors, such as punctuation and spacing, but overall, it was a great read!
Good
in the contest and with all of your writing!
Rian, Greeter
beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 1, characters: 3.
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Oh ok i liked it i had no idea that the ghost was going to kill Clarabelle, i thought she was just going to help her find who killed her. Mostly it was a little bit to short, and i thought that it needed more detail but other than that it was a very good short long story. Good job keep up the writing and the story was awesome.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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