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On a distant planet there were 12 clans Equanox, Akira, Goloma, Dragon, Argon, Simian, Valor, Pyrel, Cybor, Terran and sniper 5 of the clans have each got a speciality. the Pyrel clan are able to wield powers from fire, Cybor are masters of cybernetics, the Terran clan are masters at wielding there powers of earth, the Sniper clan are masters of accuracy with guns and the Dragon clan have the ability to fly. 1

The 12 clans were once ruled by  master of the powers of the clans but the masters each foresaw a great evil in the future. So they decided to lock away there powers so there powers could be passed on to the warriors who will face and stop the evil that they will be facing.2

It has been 3 millenia since the masters powers were locked away and now the first known master has awoken in a young warrior called Treas. Treas is a warrior of the Equinox clan he dosen't know that he has the powers of the master of the Equinox clan yet.3

When the warriors of the Equinox clan reaches 20 the age of maturity they are put through a trial that tests there abilities and also how skilled of a warrior they are. there is also a hidden agenda behind the test and that is to find out who contains the powers of the master within them.

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  • Chaereleos
    August 29

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    This is a good spin on the usual, boring ideas we hear- I'm really impressed by this. I hope you get the story going properly soon.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • jkingmaker
    August 28

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    The first paragraph is a single sentence. I find it too long. Perhaps 2 or 3 sentences.

    2nd para - > there should be their.

    2nd para..tails off without ending.

    This piece certainly is interesting and has significant potential to become something more.

    Explain more about the clans, the frictions between them, whether there are some clans that are allies etc.

    This is a piece you could work into a great short story.

    Keep writing.


  • eirini
    August 27

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    Nice!

    Sounds like a synposis, it's nicely written. Though I have to admit it the last paragraph sounds like the beginnings of a fanatsy/romance novel. Not that that's bad, hope there's more, could be interesting to read if you developed the sci-fi style mixed with the other genres.


  • black lace
    August 24
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    Aww I don't like cliff hangers there stupid and they make me angry so hurry up and tell what happens like now!!.
    -Aregato