Just Say Goodbye

Everything was spinning out of control. Celeste could not understand. She was standing on a tall, tall building with her sixteen year old brother, and he was standing in front of her. Too close to the edge. He was telling her what was going to happen. For once in her lifetime, Celeste did not want to see the city. She wanted to see the ground, wanted to be standing on it. Of course, she was not afraid for her. She knew what she was doing, she would not fall. But Jupiter…1

She knew that she should have known earlier, should have known something was wrong. Jupiter had waked her up earlier, early, long before the sun, when the world was asleep. In the dim light of the nightlight Celeste’s brother had turned on, she could see the tear streaks etched on his face. Celeste had questioned them, why were they there? Jupiter had said she would learn later, and to get in his car. No need to change.2

Celeste was so confused- where was he going to take her? He usually answered her questions, but not this time. Even the ones that she knew he’d rather not think about. In the past two years, since around the girl’s tenth birthday, there had been a lot of things her brother would rather not think about. But he told her. She knew that his life sucked, his girlfriend hated him, just like the rest of the world; at home everyone ignored him, except when they used him as their target practice, as he put it. Celeste had seen the bruises, the bruises from everywhere. There had been plenty of them, old ones faded away and new ones came. Jupiter had told her he knew how his story was going to end, but that was something he wouldn’t tell the twelve year old.3

Now she knew. Standing on the top of the office building, she knew. He was going to die. On purpose. Was there any way she could get help? Jupiter had the cell phone, and wasn’t handing it over. Celeste looked at the view; the sun was coming up, slightly lighting to world. There were some cars and people. 4

“Why don’t they see us?” Celeste asked, not meaning for her brother to hear. It was so odd- below, they were continuing their lives as normal, but up here- Jupiter was going to die. At it would kill Celeste.5

“Nobody ever sees, Cels. They continue on- we do not matter. To them, our lives do not matter. People tell them that they care about everyone. That’s not true. I’ll be on the news later, they won’t care about me. Not like it will matter anymore. They won’t care about you, Celeste. Life sucks like that.” Jupiter explained quietly, not looking at the younger girl. He was dying to simply jump, to end, maybe he’d even get to start all over again. He could not live any longer. Pain could only stay hidden for so long. Today, the world would learn about Jupiter. They would not regret, he knew. They were too selfish. His funeral would be empty. A maximum of one person.6

“Can’t we change that? I know you think I’m the only one who cares. If that’s true… Will you just live for me?” Celeste asked, her voice muffled by tears that she attempted to wipe off with her sleeve. He could not leave. It was impossible to imagine never talking to him again. She would miss him, miss him for the rest of her life.7

“It will never change. Cels, you don’t understand. Everyone hates me, it will never change. I will move on.” Jupiter told his sister. He had not answered how Celeste had wanted, but she knew he loved her. But… not enough to stay. The thought made her cry even harder. Tears ran down her cheeks, she was sobbing. It felt like her world had spun out of control. It felt like Jupiter had broken her. Celeste looked down… Police cars and several ambulances, accompanied by lots of bystanders. There was commotion, talking and shouting. Celeste blocked it all out, eyes blurred by tears.8

“I know what’s happened… what you want me to know. I know you have to go. Just say goodbye.” Celeste said, barely audible. She… she had to let him go. She, twelve year old Celeste Warner, could not change that.9

Jupiter hated this, and thought that he maybe should have just said goodbye before and done this alone. The pain of this was breaking him. He loved the girl, but he could not see anything but more pain ahead if he stayed. He was crying, and for one of the first times he was letting somebody see. For all he knew this could be on the news. Jupiter knew people were trying to make him stay. They were on salary.10

“I’m sorry Celeste… I walked down the hall, the street every day and heard insults being thrown at me. Curses you’ve probably never even heard. They ganged up on me, hurt me. The nicest ones didn’t say anything to my face. Everyone in town thought I was a thief. I never stole a thing. I tried to tell everyone, they didn’t believe me. My parents are just as evil. There’s no love, just hatred. The only other girl I loved abandoned me when I needed her.” Jupiter tried to explain for the millionth time. He hugged the younger girl as tight as he could. “I love you- you know that? Have a really great life. Become a movie star. Forget me and be happy. You will do greats- you will be a lawyer and a psychologist and a writer and an actress and a gay rights activist. Your life is not done. You are going to grow up and fall in love. You will live happily after. I wish I could stay and see this. Goodbye, my beautiful, wonderful little girl. I love you, sweetie, more than you know.” Jupiter rambled, slowing down at the end, and staring into the eyes that like him, had tears falling down.11

“I love you, Jupiter. If you stayed, you would be able to move on… Or maybe not. I’m only twelve, I don’t know. I will miss you, every second of every day. I really, really love you.” Celeste said, giving him one last hug and even kissing him on the cheek. He hugged back, and stood back onto the side.12

“Goodbye…” Jupiter said, strangely emotionless, staring back one last time before he jumped.13

And all Celeste could do was watch. And cry.14