1
Main characters 2
Helga: 3
An attractive, slender woman, who’s about 50 years old. She is of a respectable age, yet the hands of time have conserved her very well. Although the ever present blue mascara and red lipstick make her look a bit cheap, the way she graciously roams through the corridors of the hospital on high heels - leaving behind a trace of celestial perfumes - is very hard for men to resist. So most of the time they turn their head to gaze at the blond curls waving on her shoulders. As the head nurse, she has to keep on encouraging the other nurses, so that everything in the hospital works as it should be. 4
Theodette: 5
A senior student that’s thrown into the daily activities of a hospital, in order to complete her studies. With her perfect body and really cute face, she has the allures of a cheerleader, and the brain to go with it. She speaks very slow and when she’s talking, every other word she starts uhm-ing. No-one actually knows how on earth she managed to get through to her last year, but apparently she succeeded in it somehow. She’s always walking around with a lollipop in her mouth, because, as she says, it is the best way for her to concentrate. 6
Dr. Blunderblunt: 7
Although his name lets you think otherwise, he really is the best surgeon of the world, some kind of wonder-doctor even, since he is able to handle really anything. He is even listed several times in the Guinness Book of Records because of all the spectacular operations he did. The only problem about him is that he’s too easily confused, but that’s because he’s about to turn 84 soon. Unfortunately confusion strikes him more and more each day, but he is too proud to admit it so he refuses to retire from his job. His nasal voice can be annoying sometimes, but he’s in fact a guy with a heart of gold. 8
Script 9
10
14.37pm, Dr. Blunderblunt is busy with the finishing touches for the patient he operated on yesterday. The poor woman had been drinking too much and fell down the stairs at home. Her injuries weren’t that bad, however, in his 54 years doing this profession, he had never had a case like this before. The woman still had the bottle in her hand when she fell, so when she hit the floor, the top of the bottle got stuck in her eye. Since Blunderblunt is famous for his delicate and awkward surgery, he was the only one able to get the bottle out, without removing the eye itself. Unfortunately, Blunderblunt had been confused again, so when the woman woke up this morning, the patient asked Helga to get the doctor. 11
Somehow he’s put her eye back the other way around and she noticed she was looking straight into her brains. Must have been a weird view, however it had to be fixed as soon as possible. 12
Suddenly the voice of Helga echoes through the corridors of the hospital, urgently asking for Blunderblunt to meet her in her office. So he finishes the work and walks away to see her. 13
14
Helga: 15
Ah Doctor, how’s the lady doing? 16
Blunderblunt: 17
She’ll be fine my dear. She’ll wake up soon, then we'll just need to check if her eye’s stable in there. If she’s lucky, then she could already leave the hospital this evening, ’t was not such a big deal… Now tell me, what did you need me for that urgently? 18
Helga: 19
Well, I’ve just seen Theodette walking by my desk, carrying a lot of paper and some pencils. I asked her why she needed them all and I heard her something mumbling that she needs them for mister Fatso from whom you removed a part of his stomach 4 days ago. D’you remember? 20
Blunderblunt peers into Helga’s decollete while he scratches his hair. Obviously he’s trying to recall this guy… 21
22
Blunderblunt: 23
Ah yes, now you mention it, I asked her to stitch the wound bec… 24
Helga interrupts the Doctor 25
26
Helga: 27
Let’s just go to his room and see what she’s up to. I’ve the feeling she misunderstood once more the orders she got, so I guess a quick reaction is needed. I wouldn’t be surprised if she manages to burn the hospital down with them… 28
Helga and Blunderblunt rush through the corridor. The ticking of her high heels slightly distracts him, until he finds himself staring at the movement of her bum. After a two minute journey, they reach the room mister Fatso is recovering in. Helga carefully opens the door and they see Theodette talking to the patient. They decide not to get in immediately and as spies, they try to catch something of their conversation. 29
30
Theodette: 31
…don’t understand. Uhm… why don’t you uhm, like just tell me uhm… what’s going on? I uhm… know you’re uhm, able to uhm…speak since I heard you uhm… like talking with uhm…that uhm, nasal dude the other uhm…day! 32
Mister Fatso: 33
Gggnmm mmnggggkk gnnmmkggnn… 34
Theodette: 35
You uhm… are really uhm… like, getting on my uhm… nerves you know? I uhm, walked for you uhm… the whole way uhm, down to uhm… get you uhm, that paper-thing and uhm… stuff, is that uhm, like the only gratitude I uhm… get? 36
Mister Fatso: 37
Mmkkhuuuuggnnnn…kkggg…nngg… 38
Theodette: 39
Uhm… now uhm, why is your uhm… head like, you know, turning uhm… red? Just uhm, talk to me. Don’t be such a little uhm… baby. Speak, like uhm, spelled as S… uhm, P… E… uhm, K uhm, I mean S… P, uhm… E, uhm… A… K. I uhm, like know you can talk, uhm… dude! 40
Helga: 41
What’s going on here Theodette? Is it that hard to see what the patient really needs or asks for? 42
Mister Fatso: 43
Gghhmmnnmkkk nnggggkkjjnngmm… 44
Helga: 45
I’ll be with you in a sec mister Fatso… Theodette, now I want you to look and see how a real nurse takes care of her patient… 46
Helga bends over mister Fatso, who starts groaning again when he gets a free view of what’s inside her nursery dress. She gets out a little needle, to inject Fatso with a bit of morphine, when she suddenly notices why he isn’t able to talk. She feels like sinking into the ground of shame and decides to give him a few doses, so that he falls asleep very quickly. Then she leaves the room together with Theodette, and once outside, she starts talking with a furious voice… 47
48
Helga: 49
Well?! 50
Theodette: 51
Uhm, like uhm… well what? 52
Helga: 53
You did it on purpose didn’t you? Or are you really that incompetent? 54
Blunderblunt: 55
Excuse me for interfering, but what exactly’s happening in there? 56
Helga: 57
Well Doctor, you asked Theodette to close the wound didn’t you? 58
Blunderblunt: 59
Y-yes, I did, but what are you trying to point out? 60
Helga: 61
Well, the reason why mister Fatso was groaning instead of talking the whole time, is simply because someone has sewn his mouth shut! 62
Theodette: 63
Like uhm… oops! 64
Helga: 65
Oops indeed young lady and you can count on it that I will report this one. We can’t use a nurse who doesn’t pay attention to what she’s doing! 66
Theodette: 67
But uhm… that’s uhm, because I didn’t uhm… had like, a lollipop that uhm…moment! And uhm, this nasal uhm… doctor dude uhm, asked me to stitch him, that it uhm… was fixed that uhm, you know, Fatso couldn’t eat… uhm, that m… 68
Helga can’t stand the uhm-ing of Theodette anymore, and takes the right in her own hands 69
70
Helga: 71
A good nurse doesn’t need a lollipop to work, no-one does in fact. Besides, you should have learned how exactly to stitch someone, and what holes you can’t! You just can’t stay here any longer, I’ve had enough of your stupidity! 72
Theodette: 73
Uhm, like but? 74
Blunderblunt: 75
I thought it from the first day my dear. You will never be able to be a nurse. You can take care for people though, but not when they’re alive…if you know what I mean. 76
Blunderblunt gives Theodette a kiss on her forehead, and with tears in her eyes and this big, pink lollipop in her mouth, she takes off… 77
78
Helga: 79
Now, what was that kiss good for? 80
But Blunderblunt goes straight to the operation quarters, to take care for his new patient. So Helga walks to her office, to write out the mistakes Theodette all did in those few days she worked there. She takes her file, and sees her full name: Theodette Blunderblunt… 81
82
Helga: 83
This must have been a coincidence… 84
Author notes
I tried to be funny, but I don't think I succeeded... I'm not good in dialogues. It may look long, but in ten minutes, you can say a whole lot...
English isn't my maternal language, so in case you see grammatical errors or mistakes or whatever, please notify me that I can change them...
It's really very hard to write such a long pieces in another language than your maternal one... and since - as far as I know - I am the only one in the race with another native tongue than English, I think I can be proud on this one...
I also just found out: Del... rest in peace dear friend
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I thought it was good. The title really struck me, and I just had to read, and uhm... like you're really good, your know? lol thanks for the
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Oh heaven help me, I'll read this one when I'm not so tired
Anyway, from the comments it seems it is really nice 
(As alwayssss...)
I'll applaud it, and come back later
♥
~Lana
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It's not bad, Leander. Don't worry about the length and any minor errors in grammar or what not. Juggling three languages is no easy task.
Justin -
Actually, you did make it funny LOL I really enjoyed this, you did a hell of a great job on it Blessings, Gypsy
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thank you sweety
you know, it feels like a guardian angel helped me through this somehow 
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Great job on this my dear Leander! Yes, I know how hard it is to write in a foreign language sometimes... For me it's only French and English, therefore it doesn't hit me as hard as it must for me, this being your third language. However, you should REALLY be proud of yourself, you did a great job on it! Dialogues to begin with are really tricky, and I must say that you pulled this off really well.
This was a really funny write, I love your sense of humour! The mouth sewn up was so hilarious, and I could so see somebody as dim-witted as Theodette doing that. I love how you incorporated the stories of three people in here, the extra perspective really adds a lot... and without it, the ending wouldn't have the same impact. And the twist at the ending!
It's so amazing. It's also very open in that weird sense as well.
You did an amazing job on this Leander, you should definitely be proud! Best of luck with this!
~lavender shadows~ -
This is v cool, the sewing of the mouth was funny! Twist at the end, oooooooooooooooooooooo. Good write.
Kitty
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Well as I though, the story is great. A bit weird, but I had a few good laughs. Oh yes, you did very well in this assignment. According to me you have succeeded. Anna.
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Before I start to read this obviously great story, I can tell you that I am really very proud of you. I do know how hard it is to write in a foreign language... and it is even harder to be funny. I AM VERY PROUD OF MY DEAR FRIEND LEANDER, who managed to come this far!!!! Anna.
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hilarious
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You're writing has grown so much sweetie. I too think you have a reason to be proud of this one. Your English has improved so much also. I love you sweetie
PS I might be getting engaged soon
LaLa -
good read!
I thought this was funny in a dry way, as I like that type of humor. The ending was too funny. I think you did a great job here. Best wishes this week
Peace Muddy -
I'll leave the edits I can find in a hurry here; delete them later if you want. I'm in a hurry, but I'll do my best, as always.
He is even listed several times in the Guinness Book of Records because of all the spectacular operations he did. The only problem is that he’s too easily confused, but that’s because he’s about to turn 84.
Dr. Blunderblunt is busy with the finishing touches for the patient he operated on yesterday. The poor woman had been drinking too much and fell down the stairs at home. Her injuries weren’t that bad; however, in his 54 years inthis profession, he had never had a case like this before.
Suddenly the voice of Helga echoes through the corridors of the hospital, urgently asking for Blunderblunt to meet her in her office .
Argh! I need to go now, But i'll IM you anythign more I find. I LOVE the ending, it made me giggle. Also, I'll advise you to watch your verb tenses... had is past tense, has is present. Sometimes you flip from present to past and back again. It's not something most people would notice, but I notice it because I'm studying english in univeristy. Love you
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