The Deerriders (chapter 1)

Prologue 1

I can remember days long past, when these olden roads were new, when the tall trees were mere saplings. I can still hear the laughter, the soft chuckles of my friends, of my family. I hear the twang of my sister’s bow, the clash of steel from her twin’s blades. 2

The kind face of my father, the stern eyes of my mother, follow me like lost dreams, angels that guard my sleep and watch my steps, always there for me. But if ever was there a yarn I should remember, to tell when winter spreads white blankets over the earth, there is one story I know I would spin. 3

It was the tale of my sisters, in particular my sister Stream. It starts in a land far back when they were children of eight years, when the world around us was stained by the filth of war and when the high winds of a new fall had begun to flow…4

Chapter 1 Stream5

The world was caught in that slow time, just before winter breaks when the scent of fall still hangs heavy in the air. Damp winds thick with moisture stirred what few leaves clung to the branches. Below the majestic trees were spreading carpets of shed foliage, interlaid with the last flowers of the season that dared to grow under the crowns of the forest monoliths. 6

Within the forest there was an eerie stillness. Wind howled mournfully above, but it could not penetrate the barrier of boughs, formed by close-growing trees, whose limbs entangled and caught one another until the sky was virtually hidden by rough branches. 7

Unbothered by the silence of the deep woodland, a child sat on the bank of a river. The river wound on into the distance, looping around thick trunks and slipping past stones as it raced on its endless course.8

The cool water, clear to its depths, slid gently over the child’s bare feet as they trailed in the shallows. Smiling to herself, the child tapped a hollow stump nearby with her fingers, playing a lively beat upon the mossy surface. 9

She was young-it was evident in her bright eyes, which sparkled with youthful energy. The color of these eyes was incredible, and rare. They were an impressive green, the color of new leaves with a hint of gold at the rim. In the history of those woods, there were only six known people who were said to have such eyes, all of them from different times and eras.This child was one of those six, obviously. 10

And so was her sister, her twin. 11

Rising slowly, the girl waded into the river and let it flow about her. Late afternoon sunlight hardly breached the mesh of snared tree limbs high above, it came through weak and faint to kiss the water and bank sides with its soft aura. 12

The girl sighed and stood for a moment in a golden beam before she began to move, slowly. She hitched up her long skirt and began walking, following the current. Long gold-brown hair swirled as she broke into a swift run, water sloshing around her in glittering curtains. 13

Slipping in the muddy riverbed, the girl ran on, a guilty smile upon her face as she saw the blotchy stains about the hem of her skirt. Shrugging as if it was nothing to worry about she ploughed onward. 14

Hardly any time had passed before the girl left the river to clamber up a sloping bank. She stumbled and caught a tuft of grass, hauling herself up. Out of nowhere, a hand, small as hers, appeared. It reached down and clasped hers, pulling up. Levering herself over the top of the bank with her other hand, the girl cannoned into another, causing both to fall in a heap. 15

“Gah, Stream, gerroff! You’re ‘eavy!!” The other child managed to gasp. 16

After a brief struggle, they untangled themselves and collapsed to the forest floor, as if exhausted by the action. Stream was still smiling from her run in the water, though it widened as she glimpsed the state of her companion, a short-haired young girl with similar features. “Haha! You look like part of the forest! Hehe, especially with that leaf on your head-what is it, a hat?”17

The girl, Stream’s twin Rain, brushed damp leaves and earth from her already torn and muddied attire. Swatting the leaf from her head, she growled at her comrade, “Well, what about that mess in your lap; did you adopt a frog? Or you discovered something unidentifiable and thought it’d look good on your skirt, eh?”18

“Yeah, that’s exactly what happened!!” 19

Both broke out laughing, hugging their sides as they shook with mirth. The scene was too hilarious. Any other person would have cracked as well, just from the sight of the two girls, plastered with loam, rolling about and chortling fit to burst. 20

Stream was the first to recover. She sat up and waited until her partner calmed a bit before saying, “We’d better head back home. Dad’ll be worried, and Rose won’t be happy, now that we’ve gone and ruined our new cloths.”21

Rain nodded in agreement. “Yep. Rose will be furious.” Rain sighed, picturing her elder sister Rose reprimanding them for getting their skirts dirty and tearing holes through their cotton jackets. 22

Pausing for a moment, Rain’s downcast look suddenly turned into a huge grin. Looking about furtively, as if there were others nearby who might overhear her, Rain leaned close to Stream. “I have an idea!”23

“Oh no,” Stream rolled her eyes skyward, as if seeking help. Rain shoved her playfully. 24

“Come on, just listen to it!”25

“I don’t want to. With that face, you obviously have a wild scheme in mind, and they never work out.”26

“Maybe this one will.”27

“Ha ha, no.” Stream stuck out her tongue at her sister impudently. “Never!”28

Rain gave Stream a long, pleading look, which Stream pointedly ignored. Glaring at her, Rain scooted about until she was facing the opposite direction. Without turning back, Rain whispered urgently, “Stream, Stream! You should see this; looks like trouble!” 29

Their brief dispute forgotten, both sisters became alert and still.Stream edged forward and peered through a fern bed, where Rain was pointing. Several dark shapes where moving about in the river, talking in loud, rasping whispers to one another. 30

“Hoi, you there, Bernto, where’s the mighty Scrann, eh? Wasn’t he going t’ lead the second squad in? Miska said he was!”31

“Yah, well, he ain’t. Scrann’s busy back at ‘is castle, an’ we’re not gonna see from ‘im, ya mark my words. Lords is all the same; they never want to ‘elp their poor ‘enchmen out, no sir!” 32

“Oh ya, Krisnal? Who asked ya? I’m the head o’ this patrol, so you lot be quiet, y’ hear?”33

“Aye, you’re the leader o’ the patrol, mate. But I’m the boss o’ this assignment, so you’ll be takin’ your orders from me. But you’re right, everyone quiet. We don’t know much of these woodland freaks the lordship’s after, but I’d bet they’ll be out, listenin’ t’ us. So, keep your ears tuned for that, aye?”34

Every man in the squad answered in unison, “Aye!” They continued onward, those in charge giving gruff instructions and snarling at those who misheard or ignored them. The sounds lasted a good while, which caused the concealed twins much anxiety.35

Stream, crouched beside Rain, waited a few moments until the voices of the group leaders faded away. 36

Carefully, she raised her head over the protective cover of the foliage, and then dropped down again swiftly. “Whew, that was close! There’s at least thirty men there, Sis. I think? Oh, numbers aren’t my thing! Come on, Rainy, let’s go back and tell Dad!”37

Stream slid forward on hands and knees, motioning for quiet. Rain nodded silently and scrambled after her sister, into the dark of the evening woods. Night had fallen.38

39

Stream and Rain had broken out of the crawl as soon as they were sure the strangers were out of sight. Rising hastily, both girls went charging off into the frozen shadows of the forest, oblivious to the musical chirp of crickets or the gentle melody of a nearby brook, they went with a sense of urgency. 40

Ahead of them a long winding path became visible, by the light of lanterns. The lanterns hung from ivy vines, suspended from the boughs of trees. The sisters shared a quick glance, Stream managing to give voice to what they both were thinking: “Home!”41

Clasping hands, they dashed off together, down the path. About halfway the lanterns became torches, set high on iron polls with colored glass encasing the wildly dancing flames. 42

Rounding a bend, the sisters crashed headlong into a pair of boys, coming from the other direction. The taller of the two caught Stream and saved them both from falling by digging his feet into the soil. 43

The second was not so swift; he toppled backwards and landed with a bump. Rain found herself lying in some bushes growing near the path; she hauled herself out but ended up back in them a moment later.44

Stream gave a weary sigh and went to assist her sister, whilst the boy who had helped her watched his companion struggling upright. They stood in silence, until Stream successfully extracted Rain from the bushes. Returning to the path the twins greeted the others with complaints. 45

“Stallionnnn, why weren’t you looking where you were going?!”46

“Buck, how come you were walking up the wrong side?”47

“Where do you think you were going, this late at night?”48

The boys retaliated with their own comments, equally upset if not more than the girls. 49

“Rain, why were you walking up the wrong side?”50

“Stream you sound just like my Grandmother. And why weren’t you watching where you were going? Some treeguard you’d be, if you can’t even pay attention to the road you’re walking on.”51

This last comment, by the taller boy, Stallion, caused Stream to practically bristle. She turned on him angrily, narrowing her eyes. “You didn’t,” was all she said.52

Buck and Rain sucked in their breath. Buck was Stallion’s brother-like Stream and Rain they were twins. Also like the sisters, neither were identical. 53

Buck had sandy brown hair and eyes, like his father. Stallion had black hair and dark eyes, and he bore no resemblance to anyone in his family. They had no parents, their mother had been killed around the same time as Stream and Rain’s, and their father disappeared shortly after. 54

Stallion was dependent on no one, and he prided himself on that fact. The only person he truly trusted was his brother, who was very shy and not given to lengthy conversation. It was known by all of Stream’s tribe, however, that Stallion also had a soft spot for the twin sisters. 55

Stream know this better than anyone else, and she used it against him. She rose to her full height, which wasn’t very tall at all, and glared challengingly. “I dare you to say that again, Stallion. Go on, say it.”56

Stallion answered by shaking his head and turning away. “No, it’s late and I’m not standing out here in the dark any longer. You can stay and get eaten alive by insects if you want, I’m going home.” Without another word he left. 57

Buck gave a shuddering sigh and looked at Stream. “Please, don’t make him mad,” he pleaded. “Stallion’s too quick-tempered, please don’t press him like that.”58

Stream smiled sweetly at him. “Who me? Never!”
Rain giggled and patted Buck’s shoulder. 59

“Don’t worry, Bucky, you’re brother’d never hurt a fly. Besides, Streamers here wouldn’t get him riled on purpose. She’s not like that.”60

Stream gave her sister a sharp glance. “Streamers?”61


Buck smiled as he walked slowly after them, Stream waving a twig severely at her twin and Rain calling back dire threats as she ran for all she was worth from her swift sibling.
“I’ll push you back in the river next time, Stream!! Ahh!”62

“Yeah, well I’ll stuff you in that old deer-shed, with all the snakes and rats! Come ‘ere!!” 63

“Agg, no!! Go ‘way, you fiend! Leave me alone!”64

“RAIN!!!!!!!!!!”65

Chuckling, Buck ran after them, his features split into a huge grin, so unlike his normal, withdrawn self. Together the trio disappeared into the forest, lost to the shadows of the night. 66

Had they glanced back, for just one moment, they would have spied the shady figure beside the bushes where Rain had fallen. It stood still for several seconds, before melding back into the woodlands. 67

It was as if no one was ever there.

Author notes

My first story. I developed it into a series shortly after starting the first book. I am proud of this story, and nothing will ever change that I love the characters and the settings, the way the words flow together like the waters of a stream.

If you have read this, thank you. I appreciate it immensely. I hope that this story will do well, and will one day appear on the shelves as a published novel. But of course, this is mainly a dream, the wistful product of a fierce hope. Again, I say, thank you for reading.

P.S. I am giving five stars to all comments on here. This is mostly because I want to, and secondly it is to celebrate my novel's journey into the world of SW.

Besides this fact, I still want the hard, honest truth. Please, let me know what you thought! Thanks again.

Hannah

(ahem) This was the story that started my passion for writing, not my first ever story. Thought you should know.

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Lost Soul 12 silver member
    November 8

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    I actually found this story by clicking on your one story that was asking if you should post it. I'm glad you did! This was a really great story!

    The begenning (Para. 1 - 4) really drew me in! It was so descriptive, imaginative. Beautiful. I felt as if I was standing.

    The middle was very well-constructed, although I felt the ending was a bit weak. Great story and keep on writing!! Please!


    • Celestial Rose
      November 8
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks ^^ Hopefully I'll get this one done! I'm glad you liked it, I was worried no one would truly enjoy the idea, with the current obsessions...(by which I mean Twilight, because that's all I hear from anyone anymore)

      Thanks again!

  • Lianaera
    October 3

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    Nicely done. Keep writing, your pasion for the story shows. When dialouge first starts between Rain, Stream, Buck and Stallion it is difficult to figure out who is saying what and is quite confusin. Other than that amazing story. Thank you for sharing it with SW.


  • Friesian
    August 22

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    WWWOOOOWWW!!

    I SHOULD'VE KEPT YOUR LAPTOP THAT NIGHT AT KAZZY'S WHEN I SNATCHED IT FROM YOU!!! Oh my god! I'm so happy that this is a series! XD The characters are REALLY FRICKIN' REALISTIC!!! I LOVE how close Stream and Rain are-how they tease one another, how they don't look alike, how cute they are! Reminds me of Jessy and I! I'm in with the beginning! I don't know if this is what you wanted or not, but the beginning is just so beautiful-too beautiful-that I found myself crying! God, I'm such a wuss when it comes to gorgeous memories, words! This is SO creative and original!!! I really adore the title-molding Deerriders into one words has so much more of an impact than splitting them up into Deer Riders. It just looks so much better and original! The descriptions-now, you're naturally talented at describing things-but the descriptions just WOW! Blew me away! Stallion and Buck are so cute! My heart was racing when those strange men came! And the end!!! Scarrrry! Definitely leaves the reader craving more! Excellent cliffhanger! Mwahaha! I have taught thee well! PWEASE post more for Lissy to read! Have to know who those people are! I wonder how Stream and Rain's father will react? Maybe he knows about these odd strangers? Anywhoo, magnificent job! I'm stunned! Thank you so much for posting this! I've heard so much about it from you and Kazzy, and have been aching to read this!!! ^^

    ~Lissy

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Hello! First of all, I guess that since it sounds a little awkward, "deer riders" is written in two words like this.
    So, this is the beginning of your first novel, huh? Maybe you were just writing stories for fun before, then?
    It's called "in the air", not "on" What's "river bank"? Is it like a river bed? "This child was one of those six, obviously." Mybe you should have left out that sentence, or at least structured it differently? In a story, DO NOT think that that the reader understands what the text is about. The girl was one of the six special people in the forest, that's fine. Don't add an "obviously" to that sentence, ok? Just tell it as if the reader was totally stupid. You've got some commas that should not be there, bt I guess that's also a way of writing. I've never heard the word "muddied" before. I'm not even sure if it's a word. Isn't it easier to just say "muddy"? It means the same thing. Yeah, I know I haven't included everything in here, but I'm sure others will pick it up. Anyways, good story, as usual. I loved your descriptions! And way to go writing such a loooong story XD

    • Celestial Rose
      August 22
      Edit | Reply
      3 things

      1. Muddied is a word. It's in the English dictionary

      2. Here is what a river bank is:
      The sloping ground along the edge of a creek, stream, river, or lake.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/River_bank -This is where I found the information.

      3. Deerriders is one word. I did write it as two when I first started the story, but I found it had a certain charm written like this. It's more original, as my friend pointed out.

      Also, this is the name given to the people later in the story. The one who gave it called them, 'The Deerriders', as one word. That's how the title came to be.

      Just thought I should say it now, before someone else asks a similar question ^^

      Thanks for reading

      • No problem, thanks for replying. So these people ride on the backs of deer? Like Santa Claus, I'll guess


  • Hloverofpeace
    August 21

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    this is really good,
    i haven't talked to you in a while.. so i hope you get this comment.

    i'm amazed.
    although i have to be honest,
    i only read the prologue cause i'm really busy judging my contest.. but you should definitely enter this in it.


    amazing again
    -hilmer

    • Celestial Rose
      August 21
      Edit | Reply
      Thanx, and I've been busy too. I closed my own contest today. Perhaps I will enter this in yours, but it will have to wait My mom says 'lights out' and my cat says 'I'm hungry' ^^

      And thank you...again

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