You make me sick!1
Yet i cannot stop thinking of you. It seems i have no chance with you, yet your all i can think about. 2
How can i blame you....3
You don't know how i feel and i am to afraid to tell you. But why i am i afraid? maybe because you might say no. Maybe because you might laugh or maybe because we might be better off as friends. 4
We would be so good together..5
Or thats what every one tells me. To them it is clear, but you seem to be blind. Would you leave me behinde or will you stay?6
But thats not...7
Because when you are with another girl you don't know i exsist.8
But what hurts the most...9
is seeing you with another girl.
Author notes
Come on give me a break, my first time putting my personal feelings on paper (sort of) Believe me i didn't just make those words up from nothing. Those words are based on reall feelings believ that or not.
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A contest entry
- Make Me Cry... by therenaissancegirl.
750 points, ended August 28, 44 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Make Me Cry (Contest Comment)
Some notes:
first off, you keep forgetting to capitalize "I" although I'm not quite sure if it's intentional or not. Also, the exclamation point at the end of the first line is unnecessary. It should just be a period, to make this piece start off on a more somber note. Unnecessary exclamation points give it a more immature feel. And paragraph 7 seems to be incomplete ("But that's not...").
I suggest going back and rereading it--checking for word flow and sentence fluency. Thank you for entering my contest, and good luck.
Renaissance
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Oh right yer the "but thats not..." is ment to be like that lol. Thanks for commenting.
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