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Centuries ago, in Europe, there was a King, King Rowan. He had a seventeen year old daughter known as Princess Arabella. He loved her very much, but could not spend much time with her. Even though it was the best time period in Medieval Europe, he still had much to do. Arabella loved her father, but she was very lonely; for she was an only child. Not only that, but her mother died when she was only eleven years old. Arabella spent most of her time in the secret garden, where her father proposed to her mother. Arabella would always come here to escape the chaos in the castle. Also, all her duties of being a princess, like marrying a prince.2
Arabella was supposed to be married by the end of the month, and which was very soon. But, she wasn’t ready to get married, she was only seventeen. After thinking about this, she went to her bedroom to go find a quill pen and a paper. She began to write:3
Possible people I could marry:4
- Prince Trevor: To shallow5
- Prince Thomas: Lazy6
-7
She was about to write Prince Charles, but a knight came into the room. He took off his helmet, and she realized it was her friend since she was five years old, Nicholas. “Hello Nick,” she said, “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be practicing your jousting?” Nick smiled, tilt his head back then came and sat by me on my bed. “Shouldn’t you be finding a prince?” he chuckled. She looked at him and bit her lip. Nick knew all her secrets; he was very loyal to her.”What?” He said. “You haven’t found a prince yet?” 8
“No, I haven’t.” she mumbled. Arabella turned around and looked out her window. “I just haven’t found the right one.” She looked at him and shrugged, then gave a little smile. “Well,” he said while standing up, “I will let you know if I see anyone you might be interested in.” She laughed and looked up at Nick, and her stomach flipped. Never in her life has she noticed him like she did right then. His eyes were like the ocean, his smile was so amazing, and all of a sudden everything about him seems perfect. She shook head and grinned. “It was nice talking to you,” she stuttered. Nick nodded and walked out of her room. Arabella ran to her desk and wrote on the same piece of paper:9
- Knight Nick10
Days past, and all she could think about was finding a prince. Tonight there was a ball at her castle so she would have to get ready soon. But first, she wanted to go find Nick. So, she brushed her hair, put on one of her dresses, and was on her way to the court yard. The nights were all practicing shooting arrows at a target. She was searching for Nick when she ran into one of his friends, Timothy. “Good Morning Timothy, I said in a royal tone, “Do you know where Nicholas is?” she said just a bit too anxious, and obviously Tim could tell. “A bit anxious?” he laughed, and Arabella rolled her eyes. “Actually, he is sitting down by one of those trees writing a letter.” A letter? Arabella thought. Hmmm….I wonder who to. “Writing a letter on duty?” I said sternly, and then laughed. He looked and smiled. Arabella put her hand out to help him up. Nick gave her a confused look, but still he grabbed her hand, and she helped him up. “Arabella!”A Maid exclaimed, “Your father is looking for you!” “Coming,” Princess yelled. She looked at nick, and he seemed to have a disappointed look on his face. “See you tonight?” Arabella asked, “At the ball?” He gave her the paper that was in his hand. “Hopefully,” He responded. She smiled, put the paper in her bag, and ran towards the castle. 11
“Arabella, I need you to find a prince by tonight. If not, you will not be able to become queen.” Said her father.12
“Yes father, I understand.” Arabella kindly said.13
“We will crown your lucky husband tonight, so I want you to be in your best dress.”14
“Of course father.” She nodded and ran to her bedroom. She rushed to her room, slammed the door, and jumped onto her bed. She took a deep breath and opened the letter, and read:15
Dear Princes Bella,16
My love for you is like a red rose, it started as a seed but it’s grown and grown. Its roots reach deep down inside of my chest, and it grows even more with each passing breath. The delicate petals lay beautiful and pure; all the doubts that I’ve had you have since cured. For all the thorns that this proud rose bears, they are all softened by the thought of your care. Soon the rose grows old and withers and dies, but the love that helped grow it will last for all time. Love, Nick PS: I will see you tonight at the ball. 17
Arabella felt like crying. Never in her life has she read something so beautiful, or be so happy. She read the letter over and over. Then, she heard a knock on the door, so she put the letter on her desk, and wiped her tears. “Come in.” three women walked into her room. Each one carried a basket. “Your father has ordered us to pick out a dress for you, do you hair, and prepare you for the ball.” The tallest lady said. Arabella nodded without hesitating, and sat down on her vanity chair. After many hours of preparing for the ball, Bella stood up and looked in the mirror. I hope Nick likes the way I look. Arabella thought. She thanked the ladies for helping her, and they walked out of her room. I hope father will understand my choices tonight. She took a deep breath, and started walking to the ball room. By the time she got to the ball room, she had already curtsied about fifty times. The room was filled with princes, and princesses. Not one man she saw looked appealing to her. Arabella was told to go stand in the middle of the room and wait for a prince to come and dance with her. She spent all night dancing, while looking for one particular person. Suddenly she saw him, Nicholas Lynn. Arabella got so distracted she stopped dancing, and the prince she was dancing with stopped, and walked away. Bella couldn’t stop starring. He looked amazing. Everyone turned to see what the princess was starring at. Nick came up to Arabella, bowed, and then they danced. Arabella and Nicholas danced for a very long time, but finally the music stopped. He bowed, she curtsied and then he left. Arabella’s father realized that Nichols was the one; he was going to be prince charming. Bella looked at her father, he nodded, then Rowan looked at the orchestra, and they nodded. They played their horns, and every guest stopped what they were doing. That Arabella’s sign to go sit down on the thrown, so that is what she did. “Ladies and gentlemen, the princess has chosen a special man to be her prince.” Everyone gasped, and then became silent again. King Rowan walked to the stage where the chairs sat; the prince’s and the princess’s. Her heart was pounding, she was pretty much marrying Nicholas in only a few seconds. “Nicholas Lynn, Arabella has chosen you to be the next prince of Europe!” Said the King. Everyone applauded. Nicholas’s face was so surprised. He walked calmly to the thrown and sat down. My father placed the crown on his head, and the applauses grew louder. They both stood up, and looked at each other. Nick grabbed her hand, and held her close. And like all happily every afters, they kissed. 18
Comments
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okay, before I get all technical on you, I just want to say that I liked it. I'm a sucker for romantic fairy tale type deals and you did it very well. I liked the humorous parts, when she's making a list of the possible husbands and ruling them out immediately. That was funny.
Okay, now for techincalities. First off, the enter key is your friend. When in doubt start a new paragraph. Everytime a different character speaks, it should be a new paragraph. Also, I personally start a new paragraph when ever I describe something different. So describing Sir Nick is one paragraph, describing the ball is another, Bella thinking about Nick i another paragraph. This cuts out on giant block paragraphs which makes it easier on the reader. (Also in paragraph 10, you wrote "Knight Nick" the title would be "Sir Nick" just like "Sir Lancelot."
Also your point of view changes, like in the last few lines "My father placed the crown on his head, and the applauses grew louder. They both stood up, and looked at each other" You switch points of view in two sentences. "My father" is first person and "They both stood up" is third. Either write it all in third person
"Arabella was supposed to be married by the end of the month, and which was very soon. But, she wasn’t ready to get married, she was only seventeen."
Or first person "Father says I have to get married by the end of the month! That's only a week from now! I can't get married, I'm only seventeen!" Either way works, just pick one
Sorry if this sounds harsh. I know I hate it when people get bogged down in spelling and conventions and ignore the story but it does happen. I did enjoy the story and I think it has a lot of potential. It was sweet, romantic and clever. It just needs a bit of work in the nuts and bolts.
