One day I was caught. I was just doing my job when the net came. So all my hard work was washed away in a cloud of dust. I was floating and fuming at it when it caught me.I tried to get out but couldn’t. I started to get really afraid. Who knows what the fisherman would do when he saw me.1
He seemed very surprised and then a smile started to creep slowly across his face.2
‘I’ve finally found you’ I took off my heavy pearl diving gear. 3
‘I know it’s illegal but I need the money, Dad’4
Comments
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Thanks!
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this was very good
i enjoyed reading it and the way you wrote it was rather fantastic. It was short, but straight to the point, and for being hte shortest story you've ever written, it was definately very good. I am amazed at how you managed to fit in every important neccessity of the story in only the limited amount of wording that you used. I like! <33
~Lullaby.x -
I think this was a good start... though I think you could fix a few things in this story to make it flow better, and, for that matter, BE better. I think you can write, but you just need a little work on your grammar and punctuation.
In the first paragraph, I think you could erase the second period and put a comma in its place, lower-casing the s in 'so.' You should also put a space between the period following 'caught me' and is before 'I tried.' You should also put a comma after 'out' and before 'couldn't.' You should also change 'knows' in the final sentence of the first paragraph to 'knew.'
Other than that, I think this is a good story. I think it just needs the little suggested work done to the grammar, but other than that, this is a fine writing.
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short but good
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