I blacken the page, hoping to tempt and capture a phrase of you. Communicating with ink and cursing this flavorless version of you. All the effect within my own mind. All the effect without the tainted embarrassment of my psychoses.1
Battered pages make a home for you. I've created a monstrous version to consume and let consume me. Tasteless silhouette. Hopeless, helpful--a chemical for my impending doom. Sugar pills to rinse the acid of withdrawal from you out of my mind. To take away the edge to this unrequited insanity.2
Author notes
"Placebo"
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I was afraid of that. Thank you though.
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This is very nice, I really like it. You did a great job with the word. This would be excellent if we were hosting a poetry contest, but I'm afraid we aren't. I too think that it felt too much like a poem and it could have been longer. But, I love it for what it is. You did a very good job, thank you entering our contest.
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Thank you.
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I do have to agree with both sides of the comments...a bit too much like a poem , however still well done and worth the read. Best wishes in this contest,
Reenie
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Yeah. And in attempting to make it into a poem, I've multiplied it by like three times the size. It's
www.eliteskills.com/z/75404
^^there, if you want to see it.
Thanks for the comment. -
8/10
It is a tad too poetic and too short, in fact you might consider revising it into a poem simply by seperating the sentences and changing a few words, it shouldn't prove to complicated as it is close enough as is. HOWEVER, I do enjoy the way this is done and although it is only two paragraphs it still makes more sense as a story type as it is a letter to self type of thing and those are usually not poems and tend to be brief and to the point which can create a poetic allusion.
Good job deary,
Ta-Ta,
Emonquente -
Thanks. I was worried that it was too poetic and too short...
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Very good, while it does seem to be more poetic than prose, it's still a nice 'embodiment' of the word. Thanks so much for entering, and good luck!
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Thank you.
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Wow. I am extremely impressed. You lanuage captured me up until the very end. What talent you have! My friend, you have penned such a gem! I love it!
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