.1
Rivers raged at Melanie’s feet as she stood upon the utmost bridge. Her car parked carelessly further down the street, she had walked drunkenly to this point to meet her fate.2
This was as average a day as any… The fresh spring breeze blew across the blooming greens. As for Melanie, this had been a normal day, but it was about to become quite memorable.3
It must have been past midnight, for there were no cars within sight. Melanie climbed up onto the bridge wall, took a deep breath when-4
River: Now, just what do you think you’re doing?5
Melanie: M-me?!?6
River: Yes, you! What are you doing?7
Melanie: Why should I tell you?8
River: Hold onto that post and listen.9
Melanie sighed, but reluctantly did what was asked of her.10
River: Why are you doing this?11
Melanie: Dunno… I’m just sick of it.12
River: What?13
Melanie: Life, EVERYTHING! It’s always the same thing all the time. Life’s just becoming a routine, and I hate it!14
River: It doesn’t have to be.15
Melanie: What do you mean?16
River: It doesn’t have to always be a routine. You can change that, and make it what you want.17
Melanie: (under breath) That’s what I was doing before you interrupted me.18
River: But how will this help? This isn’t going to do anything productive.19
Melanie: Yes… then I won’t have to deal with it.20
River: But, don’t you see? This is merely the easy way out… it doesn’t really help.21
Melanie: At least it feels like I’m doing something.22
River: But what afterwards? There’s nothing left. You can’t change your mind after doing this, there’s no going back.23
Melanie: Yes I know, but-24
River: But what? But "there’s nothing worth living for"? But "nobody cares anyways"? I’ve heard it all before. C’mon, I’d love to hear a new excuse!25
Melanie remained quiet at this. A flicker of what must have been a smile flashed upon the river’s surface.26
River: Why waste your life like this? If you hate your life so much, why don’t you do something productive about it. If you’re bored, then plan on doing something you like, something fun.27
Melanie: Maybe…28
River: You are in control of your life, you can decide what you want. But remember… other people care about you. Learn from them, and begin to love yourself.29
Melanie cautiously got down from the bridge’s frame.30
Melanie: Thanks…31
Then, she walked back down the street to her car, and drove into her new life.32
River: Another mission accomplished! One day they’ll figure out that they all decided this by themselves. After all… I’m just a river, what can I do?33
Author notes
Hmm... this is now my 2nd attempt at dialogue, and I must admit that I liked this one much better than the last (I wrote one as an attempt the day before I wrote this... and it SOOOOOOOO didn't go over well!).
However, I'm still a beginner at this, so please all suggestions are welcome.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Bravo
I don't really have anything to say that hasn't been said by people smarter than I. However, I think that the emotions portrayed were a little bit bland, but that could just be me opinion. Well done, bravo, and good luck to you in the latest of missions.
With a sword of hope and a pen of darkness,
Sir Dakkon -
I find this piece to be a great example of just what a great metaphor or idea can do to a write. You took a somewhat cliche message, but delivered it in such an interesting and unique way. That is the difference between many of these writes. Some are just "average" or "inside the box". They'd have taken the river, and just had it be a pereson. You understand though that the message would not be as intense if that were the case. I love how you always come up with these really obscure but perfect ideas.
Justin -
Very well done. It took me there and was interesting and real to life, very relatable. Great job hun!
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good job
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Lovely
I love the idea of using an abstract, 'inanimate' object like the river as a sort of guardian for the Race. It's like Mother Earth is trying to protect her children, and is manifesting herself in the form of the river. At least, that's what I got from it. -
Wow. This was different in a good kind of way. I never really thought of a river saving someone's life. I loved this! Great job!
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WOW awesome!!!!!!!! I love it. Its the same way I look at suicide. Great job.
xx-Kitti
Edited on Sep 22, 7:15 p.m. because ''. -
Wow, this dialogue really captivated me. I wish some people I knew could have read this before they took their own lives. It's really well written, and the message is strong and clear. Awsome job!
Rob -
PsydewaysTears'esque
This idea was exceptional. It reminded me alot of my APTP1 adversary Psydeways Tears, who by the way is now a published author. The idea, and overall story was excellent. A few of the lines could've brought a little bit more emotion, for suicidal thoughts leaves one very irrational. However, the majority of this write was very well done. What it lacked in raw emotion, was more than made up for in the idea alone. I also took a liking to the idea at the end that stated it wasn't actually the river that talked them out of suicide, but seemingly the person's own subconscious. Excellent job, good luck. -
this is quite the unique. poetic, and strong statement you have penned here with a deep message embedded in it nice!
love and light
blaze -
Very nice, keeps you interested throughout!
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That was really .. inspiring as well as different; A river talking. Well Done!
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Two thumbs up!!!: Standing ovation
i gotta admit this was very interesting and unique...
To give one of nature's elements voice and character, u gave the reader an impression of this element being a real life person carrying another conversation with someone they don't know...
Hope to see another half of this write
Rae -
Well, Lavender, not only a dialogue but poetic- the river talking to the young girl, and the theme of 'routine' you have stuck in the back of the reader's mind for future use...! and suicide- the folly of throwing it all away on one's current frame of mind... which will be completely different tomorrow! Nice little piece here, with a sophisticated title in a difficult APTP series...
rambling dad!
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He he. Nice. that was awesome. Reminds me of many a suicide attempt foil bc of something inanimate telling me to move on and continue. I really enjoyed this poem.
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dialogue..... wow! I feel like I am back in class where people are preforming their dialogue. Yours is more dramatic and powerful than some of the dialogues from high school. the high school dialogue most profoundness was found in the musicals done by the drama class. which annoyed me. seeing as it was drama and they were doing musicals and not drama. very well done. keep up the good work
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A+++++++
I loved this! I don't know how to explain it. I loved about the river. Please keep writing! I cannot wait until i get to read more. GOOD WORK! I loved it!!!!!!!! -
I will come back and comment properly tomorrow but well done hon!
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Thanks. I feel as though i really can relate to this on more than one level. This may have helped someone other than Melanie...
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Very impressive
This was beautifully done, short but with a strong message. It had the touch of a professional, it was superb, the way the dialogue went was brethetaking, flowed well. Good imagination.It is always better to keep dialogues simple and and short and avoid long and complex ones. And this you did very well, precise and concise.
I like your message in this play, that there is more to life, that life doesn't always have to be boring, that you can make of life what you want. Taking your life is not accepting your responsibilty to take care of yourself and definitely is the easy way out. The true growth of any person you would know, is through obstacle, overcoming the hardship and challenges that face us everyday, and life is challenge, without challenges there is no life. The very reason we are created, to learn to love, love life and people around us, and ultimately God
Edited on Sep 21, 8:06 p.m. because 'spelling errors'. -
i liked very much the originality of the river being a player in this dialogue. A lot of imagination...and very original!
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