Mrs. Foy's First Grade Class (Inspired by the Poem, "In First Grade..." )

1

I stole lip-gloss and ice cream money from stupid girls. They had it coming, flaunting their denim purses with pink tassels and rainbow gems. They giggled with their hands cupped over their mouths, pointing at my unruly, poop-colored hair as I sat in my cold, hard, plastic chair; red-faced, trying to plot my revenge. At this point, I waited for everyone to leave for lunch and I stayed behind. I remember laying on the floor, digging through book bags and money pockets, pouring quarters in the palm of my hand. Fifty cents for ice cream in the cafeteria, and these kids always seemed to have the money.
2

I was angry, determined to get back at every classmate who called me a "cry baby", "pissy-pants" or "scaredy-cat." This became difficult after an accident while watching Reading Rainbow, in the next class room. 3

I distinctly remember a girl that sat next to me, during this weekly, bore-some show. We sat on rough, blue, (or maybe it was purple) carpeted floors. She ran her index finger across the floor and touched at her upper lip. Curious, I imitated her and found the tip of my finger to be rather warm. Between that time and the end of our little, weekly assembly, I had a strong urge to go pee. And I would have gone if it wasn't for my antagonizing classmates. 4

Our bathroom was located in our class room and, more importantly, the light switch to that bathroom was located on the wall outside the door. Unfortunately, there were no windows in the tiny, clausterphobic room, but a loud fan that ran when the lights were on. There are two things that scare me, even to this day, the dark and loud noises. So, as the old saying goes, "kids can be cruel," This story is no exception. When I went to the bathroom, they would probably giggle and tip-toe to the door. I, inside, very alert; forcing to pee faster, squeezing. Until, flip. 5

Silence. 6

I panic. Not being able to see a thing, I scream and till this day, I don't know if it was me banging on the door from the inside, or was it them banging from the outside? 7

Therefor, that day in the next room watching Reading Rainbow, next to the strange girl touching her face with her finger tips, I had to go potty. No way, was I going in that bathroom again. That was, until I was crossing my legs in the most uncomfortable positions. Nothing worked. I had to go! I ran to my class room, switched on the bathroom light and closed the door. Then opened it slightly. I couldn't make up my mind. The class room was dark and if someone snuck in here and turned off the lights, it would be so dark, it would be blinding. I tried not to look at the fan and covered my ears with my hands. I couldn't do it. I walked out of the bathroom. I walked back in. The class room was dark, but definately not blindingly dark. Not with all the windows. It seemed calm, serene. The bathroom seemed loud, and just plain frightening. Any noise was magnified a hundred times. Before I knew it, I was standing in the bathroom, pissing beneath my jeans, the same warmth as my finger tips upon my upper lip, after dragging it across the carpet. 8

My mother had to come in with a change of pants. "You never peed your pants! What is going on with you? You know better." She carried on. 9

I told her about the fan and the loud noises and she didn't buy it. "I better not have to come here again, missy, or your ass is grass!" That was her saying. Though, she never went on with the whole 'and I'm the lawn mower!'10

Mrs. Foy wasn't as shocked as my mother, and my classmates thought it was hilarious and they had more to work with when taunting me. That's how I got the name "pissy-pants'. I don't think I had a chance to feel embarressed. I was more afraid and worried, and before long, I was angry. Especially, with the blonde girl. she had her mother and her father and they lived in a house. Everyone seemed to have mothers and fathers and homes and money. But, this girl was also pretty. She seemed to get whatever she wanted. 11

We were going to do short plays on Aesop Fable stories and fairy tales for open house. I sat in my seat with my fingers crossed, praying to get the lead in "The Little Red Hen". I felt like I deserved the part. I was just like the hen. and the hen had so many lines. I knew I could prove myself and memorize every line perfect. I would be the best hen. and all the kids would be jealous!12

"Jennifer, You will be our little red hen." Mrs. Foy announced. I exhaled loudly and closed my eyes, tilting my head back. Of course, the stupid, blonde girl gets it. She gets everything. 13

"Okay, on to "'The Three Little Pigs'". Mrs. Foy went on. 14

oh no, I thought. This was the last story we were doing for the open house play for our parents and I am going to be a dumb pig? 15

"Pig number one is going to be Erin. Pig number two will be Catie..." 16

I was the second pig with the home made out of sticks. Oh yes, the idiot pig. I guess that was right. The trailer that I semi lived in looked like it could be blown over by a huffing, puffed out chest wolf. 17

I had one line. It was, "I got the key". I guess it was suppose to be funny. I was suppose to play with this line. "Be silly and have fun with it." is what Mrs. Foy said. So, I did. I said it in a sing-song kind of way and she loved it. It made me smile to please my teacher or any adult for that matter. 18

At the open house, I saw my mother in the audience as we were getting ready. I had to wear a snout made out of pink construction paper and matching ears and tail. For some reason, Princess red hen didn't have to wear any paper on her head or face or have a tail strapped to her ass. The show went on, with me making promises to God that if he would make her trip and fall on her face, I would never tell a lie, or steal again. It didn't work and I also did not skrew up my one-liner part. In fact, I had the audience laughing. It never dawned on me that the could have been laughing at my snout or my twisted tail. 19

20

21

22

23