Price Check

"Half off! Half off! Bring home your own bundle of joy for only half off!"1

He saw them every day. His customers were always younger couples with stars in their eyes, hearts overflowing with the thought of their own little pair of hands to hold. They nearly did a flip every time their child cooed like a dove in their arms. He figured that parents lived for that kind of thing. He didn't really know, but he pretty much figured after working with parents for so long. The day would generally be the same as any other retail store. STORK CO delivered the infants each morning and they would be delivered to the store and be shipped all about until purchase that very same day. It was a very simple job that demanded much care. The job also demanded a strong set of earplugs and plenty of stuffed animals handy. 2

People usually say that the sound of infants crying all day would discourage them from taking this job, but just the look in their customer's eyes would allow the noise to fade away. Just watching them drive off with the greatest look of awe in their child… Or even children, for that matter. It was one of the most satisfying things he could to for a random stranger almost every day. 3

They’d whisper and point excitedly to each of the cradles and imagine what kind of adventures lay ahead of them. Would their kid be quiet and considerate or loud and proud? Should they paint their walls pink or baby blue? What kind of lullabies would they like? Whatever their lot, no one ever walked out of the children’s department disappointed on ol’ Wilson’s watch. Wilson Stork was the head manager and extremely proud to play such an important role in many budding families.4

Though, sadly, one must call him a hypocrite. Wilson Stork, parenting department head and general infant expert, had no children to call his own. He had never married and was too busy with his work to take care of anyone. He’s not bothered about it, but he’s always wondered if he could really handle being a parent. All those diapers and all those school papers and all those college funds….5

“Hey! Hey! Sir! Wake up!”6

Wilson sputtered like an old jalopy and awoke like a startled bear.7

“What, what? For Pete’s sake what is it?!”8

“Sir, department’s inspection papers are due in a few days.”9

“So soon, Johnson? Our last inventory was a week ago.”10

“Ever since the food’s been going missing they’ve been cracking down on losses, sir.”11

That was right. That was quite a troubling aspect for the children. Rats or bugs could mean enough health problems to sink a boat for those poor infants… He better check right away…12

Without delay he arrived at the general storage facilities of the store. Just as musty and creepy as last week, to be sure. Carelessly he scanned the rows of boxes and crates until he heard a tap.13

It might have been a leaky pipe’s drop hitting the concrete floor. 14

It also could have been Dracula, but Wilson tried desperately not to think about the subject.15

There it was again. It… It sounded like breathing. It sounded rash and sharp as though it was being held for an unbearably long time. A flashlight and clip boards were terrible weapons.16

“This better not be a rat…”17

Rats were sickening and wicked creatures. To have them dart under his nose in his own store was inexcusably infuriating to say the least. 18

“I say, you nuisances… Vermin in my store!”19

Then came yet another puzzling noise. Squeaking? Were those things responding? It was kind of like a sniveling whimper. Crocodile tears, to be sure.20

Still, even as he was heading for the exit, he couldn’t get that sound out of his brain. They had lost twice as many food products as last week, and these noises certainly could have had a connection. Could he have witnessed thieving right as he was counting the goods to be stolen? What a shame…. What in the wide wonderful world of sports was he going to tell his boss?!21

Before he could answer that question, a box fell over just as Wilson put his hand on the door knob. Clearly a little mouse didn’t have enough strength to pull that kind of stuff off.22

“I... I say! Make yourself clear at once!”23

“Sorry.”24

There came a nervous cry from behind the box. Soon Mr. Wilson rushed to source of the whimper to stare dumbfounded into the face of a child no younger than four.25

“Sorry, Mister.”26

Instantly Wilson’s face softened. It was just a kid. He probably snuck in (Lord knows how) to swipe a snack or two. Problem solved.27

“That’s quite alright, young fellow, we’ll just see that you get back to your parents safely…”28

The child just stared as though he were asked to explain the theory of relativity.29

“I guess we should give them a ring to let them know you’re safe. Can you tell me where you live?”30

The child only pointed to the ground.31

“Here? You live here?!”32

He received a little nod. Did this kid run away or something? Now this was starting to get serious.33

“Could you tell me your name?”34

“Price check.”35

“Price check?” Wilson repeated stupidly. He saw parents give their kids some pretty weird names at the checkout counter but never this bizarre.36

“Yeah. A long time ago I remember this big voice yellin’ ‘PRICE CHECK!’ when they looked at me, so I figured that was my name.”37

Things were starting to click in Wilson’s brain. Somehow, probably some stupid mistake, one of the babies got loose and just… Lived in the store? Outlandish! For this long? How could one manage to live all alone in a store?38

Still, it undeniably explained the missing stock.39

Wilson felt trapped. All he had for guidance for what to do next was an innocent face, staring curiously back at him. If he admitted he made a mistake and sent ‘Price check’ to some orphanage someplace, all his hardworking associates would be fired after not doing a single thing wrong.40

“So… Where am I gonna go, Mister? You gonna take me away?”41

That was certainly the million dollar question. 42

Wilson took a deep breath and closed his eyes.43

“I think I know the right thing to do.”44

“What’s that?”45

“How would you like for me to be your dad?”46

Wilson barely choked out the words as they hit hard on Price. There came no response but the child’s warm embrace. He didn’t know anything about Wilson, but automatically he felt safe with him. 47

“Come on, Kid, we’ve got to get you all squared away with the checkout department!”48

Wilson took Price’s hand and proudly led them toward the door.49

“You know, I heard this kid was called Todd. I like it!”50

“Todd, huh? I don’t see why not.”51

“Wait! Wait! We can’t leave yet!”
Todd was frantically pulling Wilson's arm in the other direction.52

“Why? What’s the fire, Todd?”53

“We gotta get my brothers and sisters first! They'd love to meet cha!”54

Wilson sighed and wondered how hard it was going to be being a parent.55

It didn’t really sound too hard at all.