Bloody Rose Chapter 1

Mama wouldn't let me go outside. She never did ever since I was ten years old. She wouldn't let me go to school or have friends come over at the house. No family members wouldn't come over nor her own friends. She turned their back on them. I used to wonder why she wouldn't let me go and have a life outside of that stuffy house where the sun forgot to shine to make it lighter there. Now I know.1

It was about 8:00 at night. Mikey and I had just gone to bed. He was my baby brother, about one or two. It doesn't matter. He was sucking on his thumb like he was about to lose it and I had my eyes open, listening to Mama and Dad arguing over something I couldn't understand.2

"Baby, just calm down! I'm leaving her!" Dad was saying. I heard something crash into something.3

"No," Mama growled. "I don't believe you! You cheated on me!"4

I still didn't understand what they were talking about. See, Mama never explained things like mothers do today. Maybe I was young and everything would overwhelm me if she told me. She never told lies, but she wouldn't tell the truth either. Like about babies. My friends said the stork carried babies when they were born and gave them to the parents. My mom said that was a lie, but she never told me the story when I asked her the truth.5

I listened to the conversation a little more since my eyes were about to droop. Mikey was still sucking on his little thumb, cheeks as rosy as well...roses.6

"Grace.." My dad said to Mama down below. He was probably stroking her hair like he always did when he said her name. "Don't do anything stupid, okay?"7

"Anything stupid?" she screamed at him. "I'll show you!"8

That's when I ran downstairs to see what she would do. I was a very nosy kid.9

My dad saw me running downstairs. "Emily, go back upstairs," he said quietly.10

It was too late. Fat tears ran down my cheeks as I saw Mama plunge our butcher knife in his chest. Bright, red blood spread quickly on his shirt as he fell. I ran to him, not realizing Mama was running upstairs and into my room. There were suddenly screams, so I ran upstairs and stopped, looking at the blood on my mother's face. She was holding Mikey's bloody corpse in her hands.11

"I'm sorry," was all I heard before I blacked out. 12

13


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15

Here I was, fourteen years old and still locked up in the stuffy house that Mama cleaned each day. She said it kept her out of trouble, so I left her alone until she stopped cleaning.1616

After I heard that the vacuum was off, I ran downstairs and saw her on the couch, staring at the wall with no TV. She didn't allow any TV in the house since Dad watched that box when he came home each day.17

"Mama?" I asked her, sitting on the step.18

She turned her head to look at me, her face made up and her hair brushed back into a bun. She couldn't stand wearing pajamas all day. It was "unlady-like."19

"What?" she asked me harshly. It didn't affect me since I was used to her harsh voice.20

"Can I go outside and try to make friends?" I got up and sat by her.21

Tears filled her eyes, but they didn't dare roll down her cheeks. She grabbed my hair--which made me whimper--and gave me a cold smile.22

"And why do you want to make friends?" she asked me harshly, pulling my hair tighter. "Aren't we best friends?"23

I wanted to scream ‘No!’ right in her face, in that beautiful face that turned so cold it made me shiver, but I knew she would threaten to kill me.24

"Yes," I said, gritting my teeth.25

"Yes, what?"26

"Yes, Mama."27

She let go of my hair and smiled. "That's better," she said, then she got up. "Go upstairs. I'll give you something to eat."28

I nodded and got up. I ran upstairs and slammed my bedroom door, wanting Mama to come up there and threaten to kill me again and again. It was so hard to love her, so, so hard, but Dad always told me to love my enemies. He told me a lot of things I didn't want to do, but I would do it only for him.29

My bed wasn't longer a normal bed anymore. Mama didn't like to change sheets often, so whatever I did on the bed, it would smell until she changed it next month. I threw up those two days ago, so now it stinks like vomit. Mama punched me, so I had a nosebleed that stained the sheets. What a cruel mother.30

As I lay in my bed, I suddenly cried. I cried for my father and for dead Mikey, but not for Mama. She was the reason my family was dead. Her, she wasn't my family anymore. I didn't know what she was. She just suddenly existed after killing my parents. I wanted Mama back, so she could save me from this horrible person.31

I wiped my tears after crying for about five minutes and eyed something on my dresser: a rose and a letter.32

"That wasn't there before," I muttered to myself when I got up. I opened the letter and started to read before really eyeing the rose:33

34

Dear beautiful Emily,35

I know we haven't met but I have watched you. No, I'm not a stalker, my beautiful creature, but you will know soon enough about me. Your Your mother will not destroy what you are; she can only do that if you let her, so stay strong and don’t let her get to you. You have so much pain in your heart that you would probably hide from me when we see each other. Don't worry. I will be your guardian, my love.36

Love,37

Bloody Rose38

P.S: Here's a rose to show my love for you.39

I stared at the letter for a long time, reading it over and over again, then I saw the rose and dropped the letter instantly. The petals..they were so red as if they had been dipped in blood. Then, all of the sudden, I started to scream...40

For a while, I didn't know why I was screaming until I saw my father's face in horror as my mother stabbed him. The rose petals were so red as if it had been dipped in blood. So much blood from all those years.41

My face twisted in disgust as I threw the rose in the trash. What a sick joke! Giving me a love letter, thinking they know all about what I was going through and giving me a weird rose. The person must have been demented. He probably escaped the mental hospital and decided to pick on me, but why me? What did I do to them?42

When I eyed the letter, I read it again and again until my eyes grew sore. It must have been a guy who wrote it. Maybe he was weird and no one liked him. Maybe, he wanted someone to talk to. Maybe, he was a child predator. Was he in the house?43

My fear of unfamiliar noises was bubbling up. The thought of someone else in the house other than my mother and I was unbearable. But, my dad always said, "But the Lord did not give us the spirit of fear, but love, power, and a sound mind." Yes, he did go to church while Mama stayed home. Sometimes, I went with him.44

When Dad was alive, he always went to church. He went on every Sunday, went to Bible Study, and revivals on the weekdays. On Sundays, we wouldn't see him until ten at night because there always was a second service. I would go in the mornings sometimes, but never the second one because I would get too tired and Mama would fuss if her "baby" stayed out too long with her husband.45

I was about to sleep on my stinky bed, but the door opened. Mama never knocked, not even if I was dressing. She just barged right in. She always said women could show theirselves to other women, but men have to be invited in.46

"Lunch time," Mama said, dropping a tray of food on the floor. Luckily, only the soda spilled. Unfortunately, she wouldn't give me more.47

I fell on the floor and pulled the tray toward me. I took a bite of chicken, then spat it out. It was too cold.48

Mama kicked my face and threw the tray at the wall. "What's wrong with you, Emily? Best friends eat anything their friends tells them to eat!"49

I was about to say she was wrong, but my face was hurting so much, I took my attention on that instead. 50

When I looked up at her, she grabbed my hair, then slapped me. "I hate you!" she screamed. "I hate you so much! Why can't you be my best friend? I have none!"51

She let go of my hair and started to sob. She always did that. She thought I was the blame of everything and she was innocent of everything. Sometimes, she was the little girl that no one cared about.52

"Mama," I strained out since my voice was sore of screaming, "I'll be your best friend. Please don't cry."53

It was so hard to say something like that to a child-acting woman, but it was bought. Mama pulled my arms up and hugged me silently, then left the room, never coming back up to give me food until dinner.54

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57

That night after eating more cold chicken, I sat on the bed with silent tears streaming down my face. It seemed like everyday, I hated Mama more than the day before. But, it was also everyday, I heard my dad speaking to me more. I couldn't shut the memories up even if I wanted to. I wouldn't kill myself because she would have won. She would have won everything.58

The door opened again and in came my mother, frowning. She pulled my arm and flung me at the wall. I didn't know what she did for, but I just sat there, staring at her with my brown eyes.59

Ignoring my stare, she walked to my dresser and snatched my letter from it. Then, she spun around to face me, her hands shaking.60

"Who gave you this?" she said calmly, in spite of her shaking hands and her dishelved brown hair that Mikey got from her. 61

"I don't know--"62

"You don't know?! Best friends don't tell lies to one another! Now, tell me the truth!"63

"I don't know! A boy, I guess!"64

"A boy?" She started laughing, which made her voice a whole lot louder. "A boy gave you this...this stupid letter and you didn't tell your best friend?" She started to break down and cry, but then cleared her throat like what I was telling her was tearing her apart.65

"You're--"66

She flung herself at me and smiled coldly. It gave me icicles. "Shut up. Just shut up! I don't want to hear your ugly, little voice! I'm talking right now!"67

I closed my mouth.68

Mama nodded and gestured me to stand, so I did. She pointed to the bed, so I walked over and sat down to listen.69

"A boy gave you this letter," she muttered over and over to herself. Then, she looked at me. "Let me tell you a story. When I was a little girl, every boy liked me. They would do things for me that I wouldn't even dream about. They loved me when I told them to eat dirt or worse, their own crap out of the toilet. But, then one day, this older guy, about fourty years old, came up to me and gave me a letter. I looked up at him and saw this weird look in his eyes, but I took the letter and ran home. When I read the letter, I was so happy. The man said he loved me and have been watching me. He knew my secrets and knew what I was going through, practically knew all about me. He kept giving me letters and I kept writing them back.70

"Then, one day, the guy asked me if I could go over his house and as stupid as was, I said yes. When I saw his house, was I shocked. There were naked girls all over and Playboys all over the house. His computer history had all of this porn on it, it disgusted me. What was horrible was there were little girls, not woman, but little girls as young as six or seven, probably three or four years old. I wanted to go home, but he wouldn't let me. He forced himself on me that day! I thought I would die! But, after that, I never saw him again. " She paused looking down as if she was in some sort of trance.71

"You see, Emily, I have to protect you. It all starts with letters like this! It always does! You don't know who it might be, Emily! It could be one of your little friends!"72

Tears streamed down my face. They weren't tears of compassion, but tears of pity. I pitied her, but that was not the reason for her to act, to treat me like this. It didn't make sense.73

She stroked my cheek and I flinched. It was all fake love. "Emily, that's why I have be your only friend. I have to be the only one who loves you. See, I can love anyone, but you...you can only love me. We'll be best friends forever."74

I didn't want to be her best friend at all. I was beginning to hate her. I didn’t want to be her daughter anymore. I wanted out, but little did I know that this person named Bloody Rose was the only person that could help me.

Author notes

A/N: ♥

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 55 of 55
  • Marta gold member
    November 24
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    Edit | Reply
    You'r just sliding by the contest with this entry.

    It is written well but, there was a few parts that were confusing and need to be edited.

    I like the way that you wrote it with the confidenc of knowing that the story is good, so I will not DQ it.

    Thank you for entring my contest and good luck.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Ginger Woods
    November 20
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    The abuse that poor girl goes through is terrible. It made me feel just awful, it's extremely sad. Feeling makes or breaks the story, if I can't feel bad for the main character, or feel what their feeling I move on without a second glance. This I think I might just read more of


  • The Insane Eraser silver member
    November 17
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    Edit | Reply
    She never did ever since I was ten years old. (This was a little confusing, maybe try something like She hadden;t since I was ten years old.)

    eh, i just contiuned reading and go halfway down...i seem to not be in the reading mood, so I will return later and finish...>.< this was a long time coming...sorry.


  • Animus Argentis
    November 12
    Edit | Reply

    Lol.

    I assumed the line was the end of the chapter. My bad.

  • Animus Argentis
    November 12

    Edit | Reply

    Very good!

    Well, a powerful start you have there, a child in pain is hard to ignore, and draws out the macabre and morbid in us, making us want to see more. Good hook, to say the least.

    Eee... Seeings as this is from a child's perspective, I'm going to let the short choppy sentences here slip.

    Another further hook, cheating parents, confused child. Makes it relateable too many...

    Something to insert here... This background and font color is making my eyes go freakin twecko! Suggest changin it, maybe?

    This seems as though it's going to be a very emotional, perhaps personally strewn story.

    Ok, that's better, the description of the baby brother. I'd like to see much much much more of that!

    Well, thats an interesting end, and definitely makes me want to read the next chapter.

    Only issues I had were with the flow of the sentences... and then dadadada stop. dadada. stop.... Just doesn't work very well for a story, but again, as it is writ from a child's point of view, I'll let it slide, but I certainly hope this isn't the text format for the rest of it.

    -goes back to reading.-

    Alright, better, but still a little choppy.

    I'm guessing Mom went a little nutso after the incident there in the beginning? Or maybe she always was.

    Child, afraid too die. Hm. I like this. I think I've said most of what there is to say, so I'm going to read til I come across something new.

    Dead mikey? Wait, how did the baby die? Oh wait a minute, this isn't momma? Is this the other woman? Now I'm terribly confused. -goes back-

    Oh I see. Well, perhaps you might want to clarify better!

    Lol, good way to get the reader wanting to clarify.

    Interesting letter. Guardian Angel, perhaps? The letter is a little bland, a generic, don't give up lately... I'd suggest touching it up, making it more like... In depth, use it to give some insight into the character. Its too bland. No offense.

    -keeps reading-

    Line 55: I'd've killed the bitch by this point. Just saying.

    -keeps reading-

    Hm. Pathological liar of a woman too. What is she, Queen Twecko?

    Wow. Never thought of the words, Best Friends Forever sounding so creepy.

    Very good write!

    Again, my only thing was the choppiness, and the shortness of some of what you write. Having read other samplings of yours, you seem more like a journalist than a creative writer, but this was still very good!

    I liked it, and will def be reading more.

    Signed,
    Animus Argenti

    beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 4.

    • Schuyler VanAlen gold member
      November 12
      Edit | Reply
      Damn, that's so in depth!! Okay, yeah I tried to make the whole hook thing like a child's, was it too much?

      Ho'shit. I changed it towards the ending, I'll fix it in a minute.

      Yes, Mikey died because of her mom. The mom went psycho and killed the dad and baby brother, leaving Emily to suffer.

      Hmm, any tips in general on how to touch it up?

      Haha, oh trust me, I think everyone did at that point. LOL.

      The worst has yet to come...

      Mhmm, the mother is a sick psycho with major issues.

      Thanks.

      I see. Well, any tips on how to fix it?

      • Animus Argentis
        November 12
        Edit | Reply

        You got the childish bit done very well...

        The hook was fine, though you could lengthen the sentences a bit, while it may be from a child's perspective, you captured the innocence bit perfectly... You don't need to make it sound like a child speaking, as obviously its being told from that child's perspective while they are much older.

        That's really my only suggestion, is to lengthen what you say a bit, and delve into a little more depth than you have.

        Beyond that, its good!

        oh... and the background!

        • Schuyler VanAlen gold member
          November 12

          Edit | Reply
          I see. I'll see what I can do when I'm done writing Black Rose and go back in and edit. Well that's good.

          I'll try that out.

          Haha, yeah, I'm about to fix it.


  • Thirteenth duck
    November 12

    Edit | Reply
    I love this story! Sort of! But you should remove this story from some contests, it gets too confusing to comment... Just the ones that ended like six months ago. LIKE six months ago, not six months ago. Anyway, you should describe Bloody Rose a little more i think.because it sounds sort of like "ooh bloody rose is the only one that can help me even though i barely know anything about him" but other than that its AWESOMISH! o

    • Schuyler VanAlen gold member
      November 12
      Edit | Reply
      Oh sorry about that. I'll remove some. That's kind of point. He's supposed to be mysterious. More information will be revealed though later on in.

  • sugarrrainbow
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting. It was a little confusing for me in the beginning but I really like the premise of the story. The voice of the narrator, however, is simple and kind of dry. i wish she would have more personality.
    good luck!


  • Stellaqt2
    November 3
    Edit | Reply
    BUT Y'D SHE KILL MICKEY!!! IS SHE LIKE DEMENTED OR SOMETHING?


  • HaydenLautner
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    This was, just Wow, It was amazing. The beggining hooked me straight away, and the death of the husband and Mikey was so disturbing (in a good way).. It was absolutely fascinating the backstory of the mother. At least we know why she is the way she is.
    I also loved her mom's personality, it's so disturbing, to call her daughter her best friend, and yet treat her like crap.. Just Amazing seriously..

    Oh yeah, good luck, and thanks for the entry


  • Obsequim
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    One chapter and I'm hooked!
    Your central character is fascinating, and I like the back story with the mother. It stops her from being a complete inhuman monster, even if she's still not a character to sympathise with.


  • SororalAngel
    October 12

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I just couldn't stop reading! Violence or not, I couldn't stop! I told Myself- "Must read! Keep reading! Not going fast enough--wait! Too fast! Get every part of it!" I really loved this!!!!! I haven't read anything with this plot either, . I respect this Girl, I don't think I could ever do this. :/

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • Lost Soul 12 silver member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent story! Bravo!! I don't understand about the throwing up part, but that is just a tiny, miniscule deatail. During the letter though, you put 'your' twice, a common mistake though. (We've all done it !) It makes it seem like the father is such a saint, but he cheated on his wife! There could be some underlying cause though, I don't know. Paragraph 61, unfortuntley, it should be had instead of 'got' since he passed away... Whoa, I didn't expect that about the mother. For a moment, I thought the daughter would give in and become a robot like her mother, but I'm glad she didn't. I'm suprised that she would actually trust this man though, even after what her mother told her... Great read though!

  • Intense yes! Loved it, can't wait to read more. A little gory for my taste, but I didn't mind it at all, great job!


  • Willowleaf-
    September 26
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    ....wow. That was very intense. No spelling or grammar mistakes that I caught. Nice job and good luck on my contest.


  • Rose Hathaway
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    Creepy. I like the overall concept of the story but I feel like you could have added more depth into each of the events. Really good.


  • Mistress Cheetah
    September 25
    Edit | Reply
    Ugh this is sooo.... and but i it! 's for you!


  • kaekay
    September 22

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    Wow, Mama seems really scary... I was totally shocked when she stabbed her husband and son! I can't wait to read the next chapter! This is great, I love it!


  • Shadow Pixie gold member
    September 21

    Edit | Reply
    This had a great plotline, very interesting. Some of the language didn't flow easily, but aside from that it was good. I enjoyed it. Well done, good luck!

    ~ Li-Li


  • XxSceneTristanxX
    September 16

    Edit | Reply

    ....

    Mama needs to be in a mental hospital..
    hmm...whos is bloody rose?
    >;]
    chapter 2 next!


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    This was a good start and I'm intrigued to read more into this! The mother is very creepy and the emotions you provided throughout the piece seems realistic. I sympathize with the narrator/main character and the abuse she endures from her crazy mother. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.

    Pixie

    • Schuyler VanAlen gold member
      September 16
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! The next chapter will be up soon. I've written six more but couldn't post them due to a contest, but now I can!!!

  • browneyezcutie
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. Defiantly one of the finalists


  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This was pretty good and kinda creepy! Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in the contest. This was very enjoyable to read.


  • KrazywithaK
    September 13

    Edit | Reply

    Well Written, and slightly creepy

    Well Written, and I liked the flow of the story. There are a few mistakes I noticed, which someone else has also noticed. I will copy and paste them from their comment.
    Unedited: Mikey and I had just went to bed.
    Edited: Mikey and I had just gone to bed.

    Unedited: It didn't do any effect on me since I was used to her harsh voice.
    Edited: It didn't affect me since I was used to her harsh voice.

    Unedited: I wanted to scream no right in her face,
    Edited: I wanted to scream ‘No!’ right in her face,

    Unedited: My bed wasn't longer a normal bed anymore.
    Edited: My bed wasn’t a normal bed anymore.

    Unedited: Your mother will not destroy what you are, only if you let her, so stay strong and don't let her get to you.
    Edited: Your mother will not destroy what you are; she can only do that if you let her, so stay strong and don’t let her get to you.

    Unedited: He kept giving me letters and I get writing them back.
    Edited: He kept giving me letters and I kept writing them back.

    Unedited: I didn't want to her daughter anymore.
    Edited: I didn’t want to be her daughter anymore.

    Unedited: No family member wouldn't...
    Edited: No family member would...
    Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!
    ~C.I.Z


  • An Empty World
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    This was truly amazing. The Beginning really caught my attention, and I am looking forward to reading your next chapter. It sort of reminds me of a story I read before, but it flows very well and keeps the readers intrigued. There ARE a few mistakes in grammar and spelling that you should fix, but other than that, you seem to be on the track to writing and AMAZING novel.

    • Schuyler VanAlen gold member
      September 7
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! Yeah, I've been meaning to go through and fix them, I'm just being lazy. aha. I'll go do that now, while I have the determination.


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    September 4
    Edit | Reply

    ...

    w
    o
    w


  • Black Bird Of Fire
    September 4
    Edit | Reply
    great i loved it!

  • Note
    September 2

    Edit | Reply

    I like the storyline. A sad, abused girl trapped with only a psychotic mother and strange, loving letter-writer. Very mysterious. Here are a few things I found that I would change:

    Unedited: Mikey and I had just went to bed.
    Edited: Mikey and I had just gone to bed.

    Unedited: It didn't do any effect on me since I was used to her harsh voice.
    Edited: It didn't affect me since I was used to her harsh voice.

    Unedited: I wanted to scream no right in her face,
    Edited: I wanted to scream ‘No!’ right in her face,

    Unedited: My bed wasn't longer a normal bed anymore.
    Edited: My bed wasn’t a normal bed anymore.

    Unedited: Your mother will not destroy what you are, only if you let her, so stay strong and don't let her get to you.
    Edited: Your mother will not destroy what you are; she can only do that if you let her, so stay strong and don’t let her get to you.

    Unedited: He kept giving me letters and I get writing them back.
    Edited: He kept giving me letters and I kept writing them back.

    Unedited: I didn't want to her daughter anymore.
    Edited: I didn’t want to be her daughter anymore.

    They're just the little mistakes that everyone makes. Good job writing this, keep it up!

    • Schuyler VanAlen gold member
      September 2
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks! I hope you'll keep reading.

      Ooh, didn't see those.. eheh! Well, I'll fix it as soon as possible!

      Thanks again!


  • killerkb
    September 2

    Edit | Reply
    Nice pace and wonderful storytelling.I enjoy the overall flow of the piece. Just a few suggestions for brushing up the grammar:

    par 1- "no family members wouldn't.." should read " no family members would..."

    par 24- ...scream no..- scream "no"

    par 30- "wasn't longer" could be either "was no longer" or "was not"
    "threw up those" simply "threw up"

    par 50- "I took my attention" to "I focused my" perhaps?

    Also check the final segment for missing words. With a few changes for grammar's sake, you can have a really fine chapter.


    • Schuyler VanAlen gold member
      September 2
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much!!!!

      I'll make the fixes as soon as possible. Once again, thankss.


  • sammiwammi223
    August 23

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This was very dramatic and I could feel the emotion in this story. The writing quality of this is amazing, and I'm hoping to see a second chapter.

    The only thing I did not like was the abusiveness of the mother. There was a little too much of that but that's what happens when you're abused so it's realistic.

    Excellent job! Thank you for entering my contest, I wish you the best of luck [:

  • It's very dramatic, I like it. I would love to read more! I really fee for Emily, having to live with a mom like that, it's a wonderful story,
    Great job =]


  • sberendt gold member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    This was awesome! I really liked how you made the mom psychotic and probably schizophrenic. I am really interested in topics like that, so when I read this I was immediately hooked. Some of the dialog seemed childish, but it fit with the story, especially with the mother. And when you had the mother tell about her experience with that man, I nodded my head; usually people with mental illnesses, at least with schizophrenia and the like, become that way because of a traumatic event.

    To top it all off, you added that little morsel of mystery that makes the reader want to read what comes next. Who's Bloody Rose? Will she ever get out of that house? Will she go mad? The questions begin, and with that comes an interested reader!

    There were a few punctuational errors, but a quick look-over can fix them.

    Thanks for entering my contest!

    ~sberendt

  • i don't know what to say...
    wow, that was some writing!
    how did you come up with this!!!
    good luck in the contest, hope you get through so i can read more.

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