Completely numb. The icy breath bleeding from my mouth, that rusty, dry feeling lodged in my throat. Motionless bones, frozen joints and aching eyes. It had snowed all night. I stayed in my bed for as long as I could. I lay cuddling amongst the warmth, tucked in my toes, stopping them from wriggling out under the sheets, like an unborn baby in the foetus. Not ever wanting to leave my comfort.
My Father soon ruptured the silence, his blatant voice echoing within the silenced walls. I blast my radio to drown his heavy words. Forced to leave my abundant safety, my security, left to the frosted air.
“Rachel? Are you awake yet? I need your help to clear the snow. Don’t make me come in there. Wake up!” He screamed up the stairs. My thoughts looping, continuously forcing me to believe he isn’t there, just another part of my wandering imagination. He is the nightmare, unlike the dream of my Mother of us planting roses, watching them blossom through the many seasons. I was once my mothers rose, and she was my sun, rain and oxygen. When she died, my rose life died with her.
I shall place my thoughts into the stars within my eyes. Just hide them for a while. Pull up my feet, rest my tears. I can’t let him see me weak, never. I must be strong, like the rocks that live in the sea, no matter how many times the waves will beat them, hurling force upon them. They remain, taking it. Like me.
“I have had enough of this place. I always told your mother it was a bad idea to move here. She never listened.” He was muttering to himself. As if I didn’t exist, just a shadow of my Mother. Permanently cast in the back of his mind so he can always be reminded of her, the things he did.
The snow was a foot deep, etched around the entire house. I knew what this meant. It meant no school, and school was the only place I could truly be, feel like I was needed. Father never made me feel like that.
“Rachel. Stop being miserable and get outside and start shovelling.” He bellowed. His patience was about to burst, I don’t see why though. I hadn’t said a word all morning.
“I can’t get to work, or get through to my secretary, probably on that phone again. Lord only knows who she is calling. I had some important deals to close and all today.” He walked out, leaving me with a shovel. My eyes bleary, my hands blue. I catch the clock’s distant chime, seven o’clock. With me and Father at home today, it could be a day of breaking. Perhaps my bruised hands and black eyes may not get chance to heal. Still I’ll hush. The eyes and lies.
Author notes
This is just something I had to write for English today. Not sure what to think. Please, if you do read then DO comment. I really would love to know what you think, it means a lot. Be critical! Many thanks.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I love having to write on the spot and then coming out with something I probably wouldn't have written otherwise... you did well darling
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That. I. Mmmm. A'right, that was incredible. I could feel the words just as much as read them. The setting was perfect for the feelings that went with it, cold and dreary. I can empathize with the whole losing your mother thing. My mom dissappeared when I was about 7, but my dad's still with me and not at all abusive. I wish I could hug you right now. You've gotta be a strong person to hold up in your situation.
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oh my frickin god! this was....its like....im speechless!! I absolutely loved this! The imagery u created was perfect and I could imagine lying wrapped up in the blankets while it was freezing cold outside. I love that feeling but hate it when u have to get up lol The dad seems really mean. Is this a true story? Because if it is then
its so sad. Losing ur mum, it must be so tough. I dont know wot i'd do without my mum. And it would be horrible living with an abusive dad (well i think he;s abusive...thats what I read it like) Anyhoo amazing story and I hope u write more. Oh and I hope u got a good grade in English for this x x x
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soz didn't mean to have that weird laughy little emoticon in my first paragraph up there ^^^ but apparently it did that. what did ur english teacher say about this though?
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heya!!
I loved this piece. it was really good, and I could really feel the emotion pulsing through the story. the image i loved best was the one about an unborn fetus, it's a very simple yet powerful piece of imagery to use, loads of meanings and strengths come out of that!!! (You can just imagine the warmth of the mother around the baby
In a very weird way, I kinda feel some sympathy for the father, despite his abusive nature. There's just something there that doesn't appear to be fair... his daughter and wife had a relationship, and now that the connecting link between him and his daughter is gone, there's nothing more between him and his child. Which is very sad. I could never imagine that with either of my parents.
I also love the phrase where she hears the distant clock chiming.. my interpretation is almost as if she's slowly fading away from the world.. (I know that it could just be because the clock isn't in the same place that she is but meh...
there's my over analytical English mind for ya!)
Be really interesting to see a continuation... *hint hint*
good work!!
xXx Montague -
gawd woman, ah where to i begin...its sad but gorgeous, so much emotion, just in the way you structured and wrote this. it could mean soo many things, just depends what angle you look at it from i guess, but the imagery is amazing, this is brilliant! just amazing!
It leave you with a bit of a cliff hanger as far as where the black eyes came from and stuff, but the way you describe the father, indicates..but doesnt tell...it was him, or it could be not actuall black eyes, just the idea and emphasis on the imagery of how...sad and whatnot you are, i dont know, i suck at describing things and understanding things, i do truely love this piece.
your amazing keep it up my love, and what did you english teacher think? speechless i assume?
Em xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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