How I Lost Helena Part I

HOW I LOST HELENA PART 1: THE PHONE CALL1

This is how I lost Helena. 2

But first I was losing him-3

“You sound like my mother. What do you mean I’m not edgy enough to know where to buy heroine?” I pulled my face away from the phone and called across the kitchen for reinforcements, namely Helena, who sat at the table idling through a newspaper’s mess of a crossword puzzle. “Helena, I need street cred. Tell him I'm cool.”4

I raised the phone in her direction, half expecting her to shout.5

After a moment, she pulled her pen out of her mouth but not her eyes from the page, “In your own way, sweetie.”6

“Hold please-,” I sat the phone on the countertop and leaned against it as though a wrong answer would result in immediate and decisive action, World War III in the confines of the kitchen. “In… my own way?”7

Helena looked up without affectation and revealed soft blue eyes that were fogged with awakening and dancing with cleverness. “Well, there’s cool like those boys who go around downtown and drive the exotic cars and what not… and then there’s cool like a grilled cheese sandwich.”8

Satisfied with her answer, she took a dive head firstright back into her newspaper. “We’ll talk about this later,” I said with my hand raised, and when I picked up the phone again, I heard laughing on the other end. “Shut up. What do you want, anyways?”9

“You know what I want, motherfucker!” came his reply.10

I put on my official voice for turning away telemarketers. “Well sorry, I’m not all that interested in establishing a homosexual relationship right now. I‘m happy with my current provider.”11

“You mean righty?”12

“Har har har.”13

“Look, just come with me. This won't work unless you let me borrow Lena.”14

“So ask her.”15

“Bullshit, she goes where you go.”16

I glanced over at the rather Nordic and petite brunette figure who was staring at the boxes of The New York Times crossword puzzle, twirling her hair in contemplation and probably trying to figure out a similar phrase for 'totally pure and innocent'.17

“’Cause you know Helena, she just loves to party.” My remark was tinged with bite and she looked over at me with mildly interested concern.18

“It’s a very sophisticated meeting of intellectual minds, with a bit of fun juice to keep discourse interesting.”19

“A frat party."20

“Henry, I’m in love.”21

“No, you’re in lust. Love is roses and chocolates, not fuckin’ prophylactics and morning after pills. Me, I‘m in love," I could feel a bit of hopeful tension arise in the room," With myself. There‘s nothing I wouldn‘t do for me or my well-being.”22

“Noted. So come with me and we’ll get both of us cured.”23

Helena leaned back and indicated toward the ‘potty mouth’ jar that sat upon a far corner of counter top. It was half full of singles and change, “I emptied it last week and bought cinnamon rolls and your smiley-face underwear.”24

“Did you eat them?” I asked in undertone and away from the phone.25

“No, they‘re in your drawer,” she replied as she looked at me with confusion washing against her features.26

A brief pause left us staring at each other square in the face.27

“God, your eyes are huge,” I said while waving my hand and turning away.28

“When you say things like that to me I start to think that you want to switch providers,” said a mock-sultry voice coming over the line.29

“Sweet talk me all you want, I’m still not going.”30

"Ok, how about the party then?"31

"Slightly less willing than the first thing."32

"Henry, let me talk to Helena."33

I cleared my throat a bit, "Helena's got no interest in talking to you, Darren."34

"You didn't even ask her."35

"Are you serious? I know Helena better than Helena knows Helena and she doesn't want to speak to you. She's still thinks you acted inappropriately at the luncheon thing last week."36

She crinkled her nose and nodded in agreement, of course.37

“I was just meeting women! Look, how about this…" I heard him sigh and begin turning gears,"... if you come with me, let me borrow Lena for like an hour tops, I’ll take you out to that Chinese place you like downtown.”38

“I am NOT Helena’s pimp!”39

Helena raised her pen in salute to that statement.40

“And I’ll buy you that stupid book you’ve been wanting.”41

“Deal." I covered the receiver with my hand and said, "Helena, do you own anything ugly that only a cheap hooker would be seen with?”42

“Well I’d like to think I own a part of you.” I cringed a little and she granted me a gentle look and warned me, “Now be nice.”43

“Hold on,” I said into the phone, “It’s bothering her.”44

“Really? Cause I… Cause I thought that’d would go over well, the whole calling her a prostitute thing.”45

“Shut up. Helena.”46

“I didn’t say anything,” she answered with a look of peculiarity.47

“No, not you. Now you. Listen,” I leaned forward again as I spoke, letting my gaze intertwine itself with her's. “You don’t have to do anything other than be a little friendlier to Darren than you usually would and make him look good. That’s all he wants.”48

“Doesn’t that seem kind of wrong to you? I mean… to make another girl jealous? It’s really disgusting, in a way.”49

“What way?”50

“Hmm?”51

“You’re right,” I said to her.52

“She’s right,” I said into the phone.53

“Dude, she’s never going to go for it if you say it like that. Helena is an ultra saccharine kind of sweet, it’s really disgusting, in a way.”54

“What way?”55

“Just get her to show up and she’ll do the rest by herself. I'll make amends and she'll love me again. Y'know... She really is something special and why she hangs around with you is just as mysterious as whatever relationship exists between you two. Tell her I said that.”56

“Whatever," I answered dismissively, which was the standard response for whenever someone started to take the conversation in that direction. And no one could ever resist the urge to.57

I peered over my shoulder and shifted my eyes deviously, "But... What if the… eagle,” I said while glancing at 'the eagle', “Swoops down on our field mice?”58

“Are you conspiring?” Helena said offhandedly as she flicked away a strand of stray hair with the safe end of her pen. I could see her silently mouthing out a possible solution for "3 Down."59

“Dude, she’s going to think we’re conspiring, quit talking like that. I’ve got to go. So you're coming and bringing Helena? I mean, it’s on, right?”60

“As much as I hate that saying, it would appear to be on. I’ve tried to turn it off but it won’t turn off. I think the dial is broken. Can't find the plug, god I would love to pull the plug. Our friendship is on life support, for Christ's sake."61

“Bye.”62

When I set the receiver down the entire kitchen was quiet- so quiet, in fact, that I could actually hear Helena's ballpoint scribbling the letter T, which sounds a lot like a R and nothing like an A at all. And what's a seven letter word for a serious drama that depicts the downfall of the protagonist in the face of destiny or events uncontrollable? 63

When she caught me watching her, Helena dropped her arm across the table and said aloud, as though it were a fond daydream, "Remember when we went to the beach and you gave me a piggy-back ride all the way to the snack bar and back and I dripped ice cream onto your neck and we couldn't stop laughing?"64

"-God, the women out there! As soon as I get in shape, we're going to the beach all the time." I moved over to the opposite end of the table and began to caresse her fingers softly. I never was used to delicate things.65

She smiled, "That was a good day."66