My Paranoia

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The laptop I am using right now is a Gateway. And for some reason that struck me as funny, perhaps because my Gateway is a gateway into other worlds. With this Gateway I can experience the emotions and lives of various people from various parts of the world through their writings here and elsewhere. However, I am having a bad day today, and I would like to take you all through a different gateway. Please come along on this journey through various thoughts I have had since I was a young child. They will be strange, and they will make you think I am strange. But I'm sitting at school with two and a half hours until my next class, my coffee is now cold, and I'm bored to tears. Enjoy my ramblings.2

When I was a child, it seemed to me that I was the only one who thought about natural disasters. I didn't know of any of my friends or family who would be ready with an escape plan in the event of a fire. I had plans for everything, and even a store of canned food in my closet. I always kept my closet door open, because I remembered hearing that one of the best places to be in an earthquake is a door frame. And I figured that if an earthquake did occur and I was standing in my closet door frame, if the shaking was bad enough to slam the door then I would be thrown into the back of the closet, possibly trapped there. So I had a store of canned food, matches, and a can opener. For liquid I could drink the juice in the cans, and use the cans for disposing of waste.3

In the event of a tornado, I knew the best place to be was my basement. There were several places that would be excellent for shelter in there, but if the windows blew out in the laundry room there was a possibility of being showered with glass in the room before it. So when we headed for the basement, my parents watched in amazement as I barricaded the laundry room door shut with the computer desk, locking the wheels so they wouldn't roll. They were even more surprised when I pulled out yet another hidden bag of canned food from behind the bar. 4

I wasn't too concerned about floods; we don't live near any bodies of water that could force us out of our house. In the event of a fire, I would put my dog in my suitcase - leaving it open a little so he could still breathe. Then, I would shove my mattress out of the window if fire was blocking my bedroom door. It would still hurt to land on, and I might break some bones, but it wouldn't be as bad as falling directly on the concrete. I had checked to make sure I could fit my mattress through the window. I planned on sliding out of my window with the suitcase that contained my dog and a cordless phone. If the light below would hold my weight, I would jump from there as it was closer to the ground. If not, I would just have to fall, with the suitcase held above me so I wouldn't land on my dog and he wouldn't be hurt at all. Once on the ground, I would use the phone to call for help.5

I never went to sleep without checking under my bed, for I was sure that at some point I wouldn't check and there would be someone hiding there with a knife, ready to cut me if I put my feet by the bed. To solve that problem, I would open my door and run to jump on my bed, so he couldn't cut me. I also never stood by my closed doors when home alone, because if someone looked under the door and saw my feet right there they could stab those too.6

I knew just where to stand in every room of my house so I could see every way into and out of the room. Nobody could sneak up on me. I always carried various knives and sprays when home alone, just in case. I would also put the bathroom trashcan in front of the bathroom door when I was in the shower and home alone, for if the door opened the trashcan would fall over and I would have time to reach for a weapon to protect myself. 7

If I was recieving strange phone calls when alone, and noticed a strange vehicle parked outside my house for long periods of time (this happened a few times) I avoided windows. I had taken the time to look in all possible windows, so I knew what areas could be seen and which ones could not. I would sit in the areas I knew to be safe, and stay on the phone constantly with someone, telling them what was happening. If I could get to a window and look out without being seen, I would write down the license plate and put it where my parents could find it. If they returned home and all was well, I'd take the paper back and put it in my room where I knew they'd look if something went wrong that night.8

My batteries are dying now, so I will leave you with that brief little summary of the paranoia I felt even when I was a child and supposed to feel completely safe. My parents never told me to do these things, and indeed never really told me much of anything beyond cleaning my room and not talking to strangers. I hope I gave you a laugh, but if I didn't that's okay too. It helped to pass the time.9