Russian Roullette

the barrel o the gun pointed towards my head,1

the smell off lead filling my nostrils,2

my senses altered,3

heightened by my circumstances,4

the fear of death,5

that gripped me like frightened child,6

slowly releasing its grip,7

the fear beginning to evaporate,8

being replaced by a calm,9

allowing what will happen to happen,10

at peace with myself,11

i close my eyes as i hear the click of the gun loading,12

i open my eyes and peace finds me.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • E Ardania
    October 28

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    The title confused me a little... didn't quite understand why it's called 'Russian Roulette' (you spelt it wrong, too - single 'l' not double 'l'). I understood that the poem was about death (or an execution of some sort), though, and you have written it with plenty of movement in the poem.

    Remember to capitalise the I's in lines 12 and 13. 'o' should be 'of' in line 1. I like the use of lower-case letters in the poem, but perhaps it's better if you capitalise the first words of every line.

    I suggest that you change some of the commas to full stops. It will add more effect - some finality as well. Possibly one in line 5 and make it an independent sentence.

    But overall, a good job!


  • mememe6
    August 13

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    Huh, not bad. And interesting way to describe the game, although I expected a little different, from the title. I think you could explain the death part a little more. But it was pretty good, thanks for entering!