My Beloved Chapter 3

As I sat there I began to focus more and more on the picture.  He was such a charming looking child.  Selma would have loved him.  I placed his photo on the table on top of my Bible.  My Bible, I had ignored it so much in the last three weeks.  Then and there I realized that I needed to change my focus on my life.  No wonder I had been in such a rut.  My dependence on myself was obviously not helping me in dealing with the loss of Selma.  I grabbed the Bible and dropped from my chair unto my knees by the window and began to pray. 1

"Oh God, I am so stupid.  What was I thinking ignoring you.  You are the reason my life is this way and you are the reason I ever met my Selma.  Please forgive me of my lack of faith and trust.  Please lead me in the way that I should go concerning Ms. Taylor... Rachelle.  Thank you for your love and patience.  In your name AMEN."2

A tremendous load instantly lifted from my shoulders.  I was still very confused as to why my Selma had never told me of this major thing in her life.  I rose from my position on the floor and reclaimed my chair.  Maybe I should wait.  I was still frustrated and nervous about this letter which so obviously held vital information.  I looked over to see picture of the young boy had fallen to the floor.  I reached down to get it and once again noticed how much this young boy "Nate" looked so much like Selma.  Only then did I notice the other thing that had fallen when I reached for the picture.  There sitting next to the picture was a Bookmark.  Just like my Selma to add a touch of herself to this stressful moment.  The bookmark had a beautiful meadow on it and a verse.  Phil. 4:13  "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."  She knew.  Even after she was gone she knew that I would need God's strength to help me through this.  Fresh tears threatened to spill on my cheeks while looking at the bookmark.  I finally put both the bookmark and the picture on the side-table and decided to read the letter.  Opening it slowly I immediately noticed My Selma's expressive handwriting come off the page.3

"My dearest Love,  You don't know how many times I tried to 4

tell you what you will soon read here.  I knew without a 5

doubt that this would not change your love for me.  I guess6

I just never had the courage to bring it up.  I 7

also pray that this sudden information does not cause 8

any problems in your life.  If you are reading this then9

naturally Rachelle has come to visit you.  She is a wonderful10

person.  I have talked her into becoming my Nurse as well.  11

I am sure these are all things you know.  I am writing this12

down because of our recent information about the disorder.13

I never wanted to put it to paper but now out of necessity I 14

will have to do just that.   I will start when my life was 15

changed forever..."16

I had to pause for a minute.  Knowing that as soon as I continued reading I would know some awful thing about my precious, tender Selma.  I couldn't bring myself to continue reading.  I set the letter down on the table again and got up from the room.  I couldn't read this letter anymore.  I didn't want to know what happened.  I wanted to remember my Selma as I had always had her: Precious, sweet, quiet, reserved, supportive, everything you could ask for in a wife.   I walked through the house, into the kitchen.  After taking a long drink of water I glanced out the back window.  The stables stood long behind our home.  I could see my Sadie horse standing silently in the breeze of this autumn day.  Just past her Cheyenne stood in another stall, tall and proud.  Then my eyes fell on Selma's horse.  The tall horse personified Selma in her elegance.  Her beautiful chestnut body was magnified by a shining black mane.  Her name alone brought a smile to my face.  "Chicken"  When Selma told me the name I was shocked.  This beautiful horse shouldn't be named Chicken I had argued.  But Selma was persistent and eventually won out on calling her elegant mare "Chicken."  I chuckled as I stepped back into the present.  17

"I think a ride would do me good right now." I stated aloud.  I walked back into the hallway and grabbed a light jacket.  Before heading back out through the kitchen my eyes fell on the letter.  I grabbed it from the table and shoved it deep into the jackets pocket.  Throwing a canteen over my shoulder I opened the back door and grabbed my cap as I left.  This also brought on a whole host of memories.  "Don't forget your cap," Selma would say, "You'll get a sunburn otherwise."  Saddling Sadie, I fought the urge to bring Chicken along.  I made sure Sadie's belly strap was adjusted right and swung up unto the saddle.  She was ready to be run and the open meadow was her stomping grounds.  Within seconds her spontaneous cantor was right in rhythm with my thoughts.  18

Poor Rachelle.  She has known this whole time.  How has dealt with her mothers situation?  Does she realize there is about a 90% chance of her getting this disorder?  She must or she would not have come to me.  I would do anything for my Selma.  I know that she wanted a child for all those years we were married.  Maybe this letter holds an answer that she never stated before.  I allowed Sadie her leave over the aches of land before I reigned her in and had her slow to a walk.  She loved to run and I had let her go longer than normal.  We came to the large Oak tree at the edge of our property and I slid off Sadie's back.  I could see Mr. Hanigans farm off to the East.  He was a good man, I had worked alongside him on a number of occasions.  Selma and his wife had become dear friends when we first moved into the area.  They had visited a number of times since her passing.  I sat down on a fallen tree and reached into my pocket.  I knew I needed to read the rest of the letter.  Sadie munch grass in the distance and I was not needed anywhere or by anyone this evening.  I pulled the letter from my pocket and once again opened it up.19

"I will start when my life was changed forever...20