Angel Demon

Cayde stared into darkness, unable to see. It was as if he'd been blinded by a black veil covering his eyes. Screams of terror and suffering surrounded him, so loud it seemed like they were being shouted directly into his ears and caused him a mind splitting headache. His hands covered his ears in a desperate attempt to block out the bone chilling sounds and he clenched his teeth together to fight back the tears welling up in his silvery eyes.1

Where the hell am I? He wondered. This is too painful to be a dream...2

             All he wanted to do was escape the horrid sound, but there was nowhere to run in his black surroundings. The voices were all around him, tormenting him with their own pitiful screams. 3

"Stop it!" Cayde shouted, barely audible against the voices around him. "Please," he begged, unable to even hear himself. Still, the screams continued mercilessly and he felt that his skull might crack from the pain. 4

The voices stopped suddenly and a loud buzzing sound erupted. Everything began to shake and the dark void in which Cayde was in was about to be torn apart. He shut his eyes tightly and let out a loud, gut wrenching scream. The rumbling ended and Cayde opened his eyes tentatively and found himself staring up at the cracked white ceiling of his bedroom. Letting out a sigh of relief, he slammed his hand down on the snooze button of his ringing alarm clock.5

Cayde lay there for a moment and heard his foster parents' footsteps pounding on the old wooden stairs and down the hall to his bedroom door, swinging it open and running inside worriedly. 6

"What happened?" Lauren, his foster mother asked breathlessly, a concerned expression on her kind face. "We heard you scream a moment ago; was it another nightmare?" He nodded, embarrassed that his screams had been heard. His head was still pounding but he tried to ignore the pain for a moment.7

"I'm fine, sorry I scared everyone," he said, wanting them to leave. 8

"Are you sure, honey? You look a bit pale," Lauren said, feeling his forehead.9

"Maybe you should stay home today," his foster father, Mark suggested.10

"I'm fine," he argued. "Look, I just need a moment to get dressed and then I'll be downstairs for breakfast, okay?" 11

"Well, alright,” Lauren said, though looking doubtful. Finally they turned and left, closing the door behind them. Cayde sighed, exasperated. He knew they cared about him, but he hated it when they treated him like a small child. Still, it was nice how they treated him like their own son. 12

As he stood up, the room spun uncontrollably, nearly making him fall back onto the bed. His stomach retched, trying to dispose of the contents in his body. With one hand over his mouth and the other trying to keep him steady, he hurried to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet, vomiting until there was nothing left. Sitting back, he leaned his head against the bathtub, waiting for the pain to subside.  13

"Cayde, are you sure you're alright?" Lauren called from downstairs.14

"Yeah mom, I'm sure," he lied. Standing up slowly, he leaned against the sink for support and opened the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, pulling out a bottle of aspirin. He popped two pills in his mouth and washed them down with a glass of water. Splashing cool water onto his face afterwards, he glanced up at his reflection, his vision slightly blurred. His straight, shaggy black hair contrasted with his pale skin and his silver gray eyes stood out brilliantly.15

Beginning to feel better, Cayde headed back to his bedroom, pulling a red T-shirt with black lining out of his dresser. He slipped on a dark pair of jeans that fit his waist comfortably and lifted his backpack from the floor, slinging it over his shoulders as he headed downstairs for a quick breakfast.16

 “Did Ali leave already?” he asked as he pushed through the kitchen door and headed for the cupboard that had the cereal. 17

“Yep,” Mark answered, not looking up from the newspaper he was reading.18

Author notes

this is NOT even close to being finished, i dont even know if this'll be the beginning, im thinking of changing it a little to make it better and more interesting, also ill be adding more depth into it and let you get to know the main
character better...a comment is appreciated! i really need to know how this sounds to whoever reads it and i want to know how it could be better...

the link to the image is on my authors page, the wings for cayde come in later in the story, for now imagine him as a regular human

What did you think? Please comment!

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • January 5, 2006
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    great

    I really like this one it's well written and I can't wait to read the rest of it...


  • sheissounsure
    October 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    grrr sooo good i'm jealous of people that write better then me......lol

  • Brokenpen
    October 10, 2005
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    awesome write

    this was great .. i liked it from top to bottom .. thank you for sharing your words with me.


  • ChandaPanda
    September 22, 2005
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    wow awesome poem very well writen .

  • PlayLikeWeAreInLove
    September 22, 2005
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    lol yeah the only reason i posted this first part unfinished was because i have 2 computers and the one i wrote this on needed to be fixed so i posted this on here unfinished so i could review and edit it...thanks for your comment! byez!
    ~Tainted ♥


  • Rannison
    September 22, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    As you've already been praised plenty about it, I won't be redundant, but I do commend you for a job well done. Especially, as mentioned above, the gramatical and structural aspects of this story. Very impressive, I hope to see more soon. There's not much to critique, other than the length, which I hope will soon be resolved.

  • Silverbird
    September 21, 2005
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    I'm very impressed with your punctuation and grammar, just as montez mentions in their post. Very well written indeed. A wonderful read. You're very talented.

  • montez gold member
    September 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Well, at last, I've found someone who cares about English grammar and punctuation.
    May I congratulate you on a beautifully written piece, at least in it's construction.
    As to the content, it's not bad, but not brilliant.
    It's obviously unfinished, so comments as to the characters should be reserved for the finished article.
    Still, you prove here that you can write.
    Keep up the good work.
    Love,
    Robin (an old Englishman)


  • coops-black-knight
    September 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Good Work

    This is a great intro... I want more!!! Looking forwards to the next installment.

  • Blazing White Wolf
    September 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is an interesting start to a story of some length this held my attention which isnt always easy well done
    love and light
    blaze

  • kingschosen
    September 20, 2005
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    Oh wow...I can't wait for more....an awesome idea!!!


  • Advocatus Diaboli
    September 20, 2005
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    This would be a good beginning, as it would make people want to read more to see hat happens after, but it could also by part of the story much later into to. A good write. Caught my attention.
    think this would be an excellent short story.

  • wbluerose02
    September 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    amazing write

    this is an amazing write, it tells a story, to grqphic. words are everything. good write. thank you for sharing this with my family and I you did a fantastic write and hope to read more from you.


  • Ocean Dragon
    September 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Well done, similar to other styles

    I think this would be an excellent short story. Not as it is right now, of course! But don't take it on too long, or else it may become too cliche.

  • grannyeri
    September 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This would be a good beginning, as it would make people want to read more to see hat happens after, but it could also by part of the story much later into to. A good write. Caught me attention.


  • The Trekkie
    September 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS BETTER THEN I COULDEVER BE
    ~brian~

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