We are afraid to admit the truth. The blood that pumps through our veins is wanted by a creature we humans created. We are afraid to be afraid. If we ourselves can’t admit that night creatures really exist, how will we ever live with what we’ve created? You pick up a newspaper and every day that passes by is another kill on the front page. The monsters we fear are hunting us, seeking revenge. Yet we sit here doing nothing about it while out there in some dark alley a girl is screaming, fearing for her life, teeth sinking in her neck sucking everything out, and at that moment all she is thinking is…why me?
Author notes
I needed to write that down, because the idea just came to my head this morning. I have so many stories right now, well two, but still i knew i had to write this down and post it on here.
Do you think it was a good idea?
Should i continue or forget about it?
Let me know.
-Hilmer
In a list
Would you be interested in reading this?
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Amazing; Attention Grasping
Yeah, it was a good idea. I Absolutely love the plot of this.
Yes, I really think continueing this would be amazing, and I'll have to read a continuation. It's well written as well, very well explained, and very attention grasping, making the reader want to read more into the story. -
i like it. its just a peek at a great story. can't wait to see more of it!
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I really like it. It's drawing and makes you want to know more. I'll definatly be reading this when I get the time. Good luck and great work.
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Thats really good, i like it!
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pretty good,very good thinking.keep going,it's good.
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Honestly, I already get a sense of the many ways you can take this- and yes, I think you should give it a shot at continuing.
Humans created vampires? Interesting concept really- I'd like to see that process of how all of that began for sure
Perhaps,instead of saying: teeth sinking in her neck sucking everything out...
You could try something a bit more descriptive and powerful in words. Like: teeth sinking in her neck to drain the life's essence, and at that moment, all she is thinking is...why me?
Only a minor suggestion though, trying to help
If you happen to continue this, let me know and I will gladly have a read
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yes i would this is really good for a start pleaze countiue and ill read more of it .
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It's perfectly fine, but...please don't do that whole....Human falling in love with Vampire, that gets soooooo tiring, and makes the story worser, cause then you just know what will happen!
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meh
sensual neck sucking is the biggest cliche in genre that is now largly composed of them. -
Totally continue it that's a pretty good blurb/prologue!
Kat
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I like where you're going with this, and it is well written. Because of this, i am BEGGING you to be original, and not drift into the whole vampire love cliche thing.
I'll be interested to read more. -
Well thought
I sincerely hope that you continue with this. It it a very interesting start, and it gave me the chills.
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Good idea. This way, you can remember it. It's a good idea only if you don't mess it up. This is the kinda plot where if you mess it up, it end up kissing ass. xD I really hope you do it well. I WILL read it.. but I might forget. D:
Remind me .. ? :] LOL
Can't wait to read the story. -
i think its a good idea, you should definately carry on with it.
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A good start and attention grabber for certain. I hope you do more with it.
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This looks like a goos starting idea! Something really original!
I hope to read more about it!
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Great idea, I like where it's going. I would love to read more.
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Interesting. I think you should write more, this could be quite an intriguing piece.
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golly this is good
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Amazing! Truly interesting, please continue this! I was very interested, I wanted to read more and more. Great job and keep writing.
~Autumn -
I won't make this count as my comment for you but I will comment later. For now I am saying that this sounds quite interesting.
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Interesting. I'd like to see where this goes
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I think this is a pretty good start to an interestin story with a good story line. I am not usually into the vampire thing because people are really wearing it out. I cannot wait to see where this goes. If you ever need any help, please feel free to ask me. KEEP IT GOING!!
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Continue this writing, make a story out of it. This is really good.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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This is really good. I hope you make this in to a story. So far I have liked everything I have read from you. Your an amazing writer and keep up the good work! =)
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I really liked because its truthful and it kept ur attention. u should so continue with it.
beginning: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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YES!
Wow! You portrayed alot in a few amount of words. Wonderful! Iused to work for a newspaper and up until the last part this is something my editor might have written in his comment page. You know how society creates monsters.. anyways.. I would read more.. It flowed great and kept the reader's attention.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I'm so glad you liked it! it makes me really happy to hear that you compared my work, with being myself a 15 year old, to saying the editor of a NEWSPAPER might have written something similar to this. it made me smile a lot.
thanks for reading
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I definetly think this has potential, and you did a great job with the abstract for the story.
I just have one bit of advise here! Make it something original and unique! Don't just make it another one of the thousands of vampire-love stories that are making their way around nowadays. Make it unique, and add something new and different to it. If you do that you could have a great story here!
Good luck with it. -
This is an awesome story idea. I know I will read it. Bring on the story. I was on the edge of my seat.
plot: 5.
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it's a good idea, you should continue it
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Liking the idea, it's always good to get down the fleeting ideas that come to you because you can always build on them later. I always keep a note book with me, just in case!
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I would be interested in reading this. It's seen from a political point of veiw. But, you wrote it well. I can see the feelings portrayed here.
Go for it, see how it goes,
Dream ♥ -
Wow. This has been illustrated nicely. I can't wait to see how the whole piece will turn out. And so the Vampire is seen politically (well, more like something original! *leaves brownie points for this*) as something that we, ourselves, have created (which is very literal in the sense that some dude that was making a writing contest with Mary Shelley -- or something or other, the writer of "Frankenstein" -- made up a story about a Vampire. And yes, it's true, he did create it in a literal sense).
So yeah...! Kudos to you, dudette. I hope to see your piece posted so I can comment! ^__^
Good idea, and please continue! (Write in short chapters, peeps tend to read those more than the longer ones; why, I've not a single clue. xD)
~Mel -
this sounds really good and you can go just about anywhere with it lol i would so love to read more of this if you write and post it
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It's always up to you and no one else about continuing, but for what it's worth, you wrote some nice stuff there. Build on your ideas and come up with a bit of a plan - does it go where you want? If it does, go for it!
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