For Albert

~~They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;1

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.2

At the going down of the sun and in the morning3

We will remember them.~~ An excerpt from "For The Fallen" by Laurence Binyon.4

Albert held his rifle tightly in his grip, and he could feel his hands sweating. The date was the 23rd of February 1917. He was even more nervous today than ever, as though in the pit of his stomach he thought something was going to happen.5

He wondered if he was going to make it back home. He thought of his beloved wife, Faith, who would be worried sick about him. He thought of his children. His son Leslie was 10 now, and sorely needed his father to come back and show him how to be a man. His other children, Harry and Mary, needed him just as much.6

He missed them all dearly. There was nothing that he would not have given to be back home in Yorkshire, to show his children the beauty of the rolling hills and pebbled streams, and to hear the angels' voices ringing with the bells at Church.7

That was all back home, waiting for him. He had to get home to his family.8

He was mud-spattered, and as he stared at the dreary mud that surrounded him on all sides, he realised he could not wait to feel the soft, luscious, green grass of home beneath his toes, curling its blades between his fingers.9

"For King and Country," he whispered. He remembered the face of the German he had killed. The man's face was full of horror as he realised he was just about to meet his Maker. The poor fellow was dead in less than a blink of an eye, before Albert even recognised the sound of the bullet taking leave of the gun.10

Fritz fell backwards, gracefully and slowly, as though time could stop at any moment. He landed in the mud with a silent thud. Albert felt sickened the moment he had shot the poor man, for they were both humans and they both were pawns in the game of chess that was politics. The pawns were always sacrificed, no matter the cost to people who knew them.11

For as long as he lived, Albert swore to himself that he would never forgive his soul for murdering another human being. He did not care if this was a war, there were human lives being lost every second and it made him so incredibly furious, but he could do nothing to stop it. He was merely a Private. Suddenly he heard a high, shrill sound.12

The whistle was blowing.13

Along with the other men who remained in his battalion, he leapt over the top, and thus the gates of hell were opened. He charged forwards, shooting as many Fritzes with his rifle as he could. He saw his comrades beginning to fall as their brains were blasted out by enemy shells, and their legs being shot by enemy rifles.14

His children smiled, held tightly in their mother's arms.15

He had the guts and blood of his comrades splashed over him, but he charged forwards as though he were a bull seeing red. The mud sloshed over his boots as he ran, facing the Fritzes.16

The date was the 23rd of February 1917, and he was back home in Yorkshire, with its rolling hills and pebbled streams, and he could hear the angels' voices ringing with the bells at Church.17

A contest entry

What do you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • PrismaticRays
    January 15

    Edit | Reply

    Decent

    Nicely done. If you'd allow me to be extra critical I'd say my recollection falls on the ending. Of course, you have the ending you need--it's gorgeous. I just think you could milk it for even a little more. Numbers 15, 16, and 17 are the story's powerhouse that really hits the heart, at least for me. I think 15 and 16 could be improved by revision and slight expansion for an ending with greater impact.

    Really, what you have is very good. I just think it could be slightly improved where it counts most.

    Otherwise, way to go


  • bykristenfc
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    I think, no wait, yeah, wait, no. I KNOW it was a beautiful piece of work. I love the way you described it. At first
    I thought he was dreaming or hunting for food. Either way, it is a very wonderful piece!


  • seamus gold member
    January 12

    Edit | Reply

    Unhappy Ending

    Good snapshot of the incredibly stupid generals in WWI. The technologies of war had advanced past their understanding and the Tommies, Poilu, & Doughboys paid the astounding price with their lives. Good indictment of the generals and politicians who remained safely behind the lines as the slaughter went on for four years and decimated a generation.


  • Freddy Bobness
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    this is good! I really like it was it a dream?
    good job!

    Thankyou for entering and good luck


  • HeartOfGlass
    October 5, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Was it a dream? It was a little confusing with that possibility, but other than that. I loved it. I particularly like the paragraph, the one that mentions that only the pawns are sacrificed. War is stupid, I wish it would all stop.
    Emotional piece, good job.


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    August 16, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was a good piece of flash fiction filled with emotion and visuals. In the beginning, I didn't think of it being a war story until I read more. I liked the emotion that Albert presented for the reader. War is such a terrible thing.

    I caught one mistake:

    "For King and Country." he whispered.

    turn the period after Country into a comma instead

    Overall, job well done Thank you for entering this in the contest!

1 - 6 of 6