Maybe, You (005)

“Valerie, wake up.” My dads voice came from behind my locked door. “You have fifteen minutes to get ready for your mothers funeral.”1

My eyes shot open and it was right then that it hit me. Today was my mom’s funeral, today she is put to rest...for good. I rolled out of bed and sulked to my bathroom. I wasn’t going to take a shower since I took one last night before...2

I shook the memory out of my head. Brendons cold eyes as he told me he wanted to forget everything. I pulled my hair up into a bun and slipped on my black calf length dress. I wasn’t going to put any make up on, I wasn’t going to bother. Why? Why should I bother? I put on my black heals and walked down the steps to find my dad in his black suit leaning against to banister with his hand over his eyes.3

“Dad?” My voice came out as a whisper, a shaky pitiful whisper. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at me.4

“Don’t you look beautiful, just like your mother, everyday.” His voice trailed and he stared into space. I just watched him, it was like he was seeing all of his memories with mom on the off-white colored wall. The door bell chimed and dad blinked.5

“Will you get that? I think its your Aunt.” His voice sounded distant. I nodded even though he wasn’t looking at me and ran to open the door.6

Once I did I regretted it.7

“Oh, Valerie. I thought you would be at the funeral by now.” Sage loosened his collar with his thumb and first finger and smiled awkwardly. I just stared at him.8

I felt a strong hand grasp my shoulder and dad smiled. “I’m so glad you decided to come, Sage. We are just about ready to go I just have to make a few adjustments.” He waved Sage in and we all moved to the living room.9

“Have a seat, I will only be a few minutes.” My dads voice faded as he disappeared into his bedroom. I watched Sage out of the corner of my eye as he sat on our sofa uncomfortably. I thought back to what Brendon had said earlier, ‘I mean you have Sage, its not like he thinks you really are broken up I mean, you aren’t a very convincing girl.’10

“I’m sorry.” Sage cleared his throat.11

“Why?” 12

“Uh, your mom...” He glanced up at me from his spot on the couch.13

I sighed and stared longingly at the closed door of my dads room. “Right, of course.”14

It was then the door swung open and dad appeared from behind it. “Are you kids ready?”15

Sage stood up next to me and I pushed past him. “Let’s just get this over with.” I breathed.16

Dad’s forehead creased as we made our way out to the car. I slid into the backseat and Sage followed suit. The guy was scared to sit up by my dad, or did he think that I would get lonely back here all by myself?17

“How’s school been going for you?” Dad’s question was addressed to Sage and it startled him.18

“Uh, its going well. I’ve been piled with homework lately but I’ve found that I have a lot of extra time on my hands.” 19

I shifted uneasily and leaned my head against the cold window.20

“Is that so?” Dad glanced at me in the rearview mirror. I pretended to not of heard Sage’s comment because I was so interested in the hem of my dress.21

“Yeah, I’m getting a job at Sergio’s this summer. Working there as a waiter, it should be some good pay so I can make my trip down to Italy next year.”22

Italy? He never said anything to me about Italy. I’ve always dreamed of going to Italy.23

“Wow, are you going alone?” Dad asked while pulling into the parking lot of Jefferson Funeral Home.24

“I’m not sure yet.” I could feel Sage’s eyes on me but I didn’t dare to look at him.25

Once the car was in park I flung open the door and quickly made my way into the funeral home without waiting for Dad or Sage. I scanned the crowded room searching for at least one person I knew. I felt a hand on my shoulder it twirled me around. My eyes misted over at the sight of my Aunt Andrea. We stared at each other for a while, taking in each others appearances. She hadn’t seen me for years, so my looks must of came as a surprise to her. Her strawberry blonde hair cascaded loosely over her shoulders and her green eyes held something a lot of people did have, joy. Aunt Andie is a preachers wife in Nebraska and lives differently than we, my family, have. Apart of me is jealous, I want what she has, her spice for life, her continuous love and compassion for others, the way she smiles...its contagious. Then there is me. My long blonde hair is a curly mess and my eyes are blue, yes, but they are a faded blue almost grey. There isn’t much special about me.26

“Oh hunny, you look even more like your mother since the last time I saw you. When was that?” She stared at me for a moment and then rubbed her hand over my head. “It was your birthday, your 12th birthday. And you are what, 17 now!”27

I smiled and she folded me into her arms. “I’m so glad you are here.” I peered over her shoulder at my Dad and Sage as they made their way through the crowd up to my mom’s closed casket. 28

“It’s a shame how she went.” Aunt Andie breathed wiping her eyes with her napkin and taking swipes of eyeliner along with it. My mom and Aunt Andie, although sisters, weren’t that close. Aunt Andie tried, she really did. But mom just wasn’t the type of person to let people in, especially the ones that really needed to be there like Dad and me.29

“Yeah, shame.” I watched as Dad put one hand on the casket and wipe tears from his eyes with the other. Sage put a hand on my dads back and they both embraced. Why did he have to be such a great guy? I tore my eyes away from them long enough to spot somebody I really didn’t expect to see.30

Even though his back was turned to me I knew it was him because of the bobbing blonde head. I made my way through the throng of family members I’ve never met before to him.31

He was talking to one of my cousins, to whom I don’t remember.32

“What are you doing here?” My voice was tight. Brendon turned around and flashed me a smile. That smile melt my heart so many times, but not this time...much.33

“I could ask you the same question.” He looked around as if confused. “Wait a minute. This isn’t my family reunion!” Brendon turned on his heals and made a bee line for the exit. I ran after him and cornered him by my Uncle Steve and Aunt Marsha, who I will thank later for being space hogs.34

“Don’t even think about running away.”35

He looked so scared, like a little kid after watching a scary movie. I could almost laugh, almost. “Look, im sorry, okay?”36

I just stared at him. “You think that’s it? You say your sorry and that’s it?”37

Brendon looked down at his feet and said nothing.38

“Why did you come here?”39

It was then that he looked up at me. “I just thought you needed some support.”40

“From you? I don’t think so.” I turned to go find Dad and Sage but Brendon grabbed a hold of my arm with his oh so muscular hand. He twirled me around and stared deep into my eyes. His eyes held so much pain, so much sadness.41

“I know I hurt you, I tend to be known for that. But I really want to try this out, you and me I mean.”42

Was he serious? I shook my head and yanked my arm from his grasp. “Brendon, you had me.”43

I pivoted on my right foot and walked away leaving Brendon standing there stunned. I was grabbed from behind and curled my hands into fists. “If you ever touch me again I will make sure you..” I turned around, my fists close to the guys face and my eyes widened. My dad stared down at me with a eyebrow cocked and he lowered my fists with his hands. 44

“Are you alright?” He asked with a hint of amusement in his voice. I let out a long sigh and nodded.45

“I’m fine. Why aren’t you with Sage by the casket?” My voice caught at the word casket. It was so hard to say without crying.46

“I have something to run by you, actually. I’m not sure if this is the right place and time to be doing it.”47

I just stared at him, urging him to go on. He cleared his throat nervously. “Your Aunt Andrea came to me today and asked me to ask you if you would mind visiting her sometime soon.”48

I blinked. “How soon?”49

“Today.”50

I watched him as he looked around the crowed room warily. “And she wants you to stay, for a while.”51

“What do you mean?”52

He took my hands in his and pulled me over to a row of chairs placed by a big TV with pictures of mom and us popping up every ten seconds. “Valerie, Val, she wants you to live with her until your finished with highschool.”53

I pulled my hands out from under his. “Is that what you want?”54

He sighed. “Well, I think it would be best.” I scoffed and turned away. “Let me finish, please. Things are going to be tough around the house now that your mom, is gone. We think you need to have a motherly figure around.”55

I turned to him. “What about my friends? What about the life I have here?!”56

“I knew you would be upset. Val, this is for your benefit. You are going to love Nebraska! You get to start your life over, become someone new.”57

I closed my eyes. “So it’s already set. I’m leaving?! It really didn’t matter how I felt about it because what ever you say goes, right?”58

Dad’s eyebrows furrowed. “Valerie Davis, you know good and well that your opinion matters! But I believe as a parent I get a say in what happens in your life and I think that moving to Nebraska with Andrea with be a great experience for you.”59

I stood up and shook my head. “No, you only think of what’s best for you.”60

I turned and rushed through the cluster of mourning people. A tear made its way down my cheek and I ran out the door and into a long hallway. I made my way to an open door which led to an empty room. I closed the door behind me and sobbed. Tears streaked down my face and my breath quickened. I ran to the bed placed by the window of the bedroom and wrenched the sheets onto the floor and destroyed everything in my sight. Out of breath and sobbing I fell onto my knees with my head in my hands. The door creaked open and everything was silent. I brought my hands off of my face and slowly looked up. Brendons face was torn as he examined everything I had previously done. But it wasn’t the room he was worried about, it was me. We just stared at each other, it was like he could see into my soul. Did I want him to see inside?61

“Surprised?” My voice came out groggily. I shook my head and pushed my back up against the end of the bed. “You got me, you caught me in the act of breaking down. Are you happy now?”62

Brendons eyes flashed of two emotions, confusion and shockingly, hurt. “What are you talking about?”63

I choked back tears. “Isn’t this what you wanted ever since you met me? To bring me down? To make me fall for you and then toss me off to the side like an old pair of shoes? Wasn’t that your plan?! To make a fool out of me.”64

Brendon took a step into the room. “Valerie, no...”65

“Well guess what Cavalari, you win.”66

His green eyes bore into mine and he shook his head slowly. His right leg moved backwards and he pivoted. “Have a nice life, Carter.”67

I looked down at the black fabric of my dress and I sighed. He knew, he knew I was leaving.68

I screwed up once again, another relationship that could of been a great one. But this time, no, I wasn’t the one to screw up, it was him. It was Brendon.69

“Valerie?” I looked up to find my dad and Aunt Andrea standing in the door way. Choosing to ignore the mess, Dad reached out to take my hand. “We need to get home so you can pack your bags. They are taking your mother to the cemetery but your Aunt needs to get back to Nebraska so her and Adam can make the evening service at their church.”70

I faked my best smile at Aunt Andrea and completely ignored my dads out stretched hand. “Where’s the car?”71

I stared down at my stuffed suitcases. This wasn’t what I planned for the rest of my high school years. I didn’t plan on being sent to Nebraska to live with my Aunt and her husband. I didn’t plan on getting my heart ripped out of my chest by a stupid guy who doesn’t know the first thing about love. I didn’t plan on being unhappy. But I guess you can’t plan everything. 72

“I’ll just get the rest of your bags and you can be on your way.” My dad’s voice came from the hallway. I turned around and sighed.73

“Do you really want me to go?”74

He walked up to me and ran his fingers through my hair. “Baby, you know that I don’t want you to leave. But this is what you need, being with your Aunt and you Uncle who you haven’t seen in five years, Val. You need to do this.”75

I averted my eyes from him and turned my head. “The bags are on my bed.”76

He sighed and grabbed two of the three. “Oh, and there is a guy in a blue truck downstairs. He asked for you.”77

My heart rate quickened and I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Okay.”78

He walked back out into the hallway and down the stairs and out of sight. What was he doing here? I picked up the last bag on my bed and took one more look around my room. I shut off the light and made my way down the stairs. I stopped at the bottom and I sucked in my breath. I heard the sound of hard, fast human feet wearing Loafers in the living room. I couldn’t move, it was like my legs were immobile. I felt a strong hand on my shoulder and it twirled me around. Brendon put his hands on my shoulders and stared into my eyes.79

“Don’t go.”80

My heart rate quickened. “What?”81

“Don’t go.” He said it with more force.82

I took a short breath. “Give me one reason why.”83

He just continued to stare at me, not knowing what to say. I swallowed and watched his eyes as I said it again.84

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t walk out that door and get in that car with Andrea.”85

Brendon sighed. “Because you don’t want to, and I don’t want you to.”86

I shook my head and looked down at the bags in my hand. “No, that’s not good enough.”87

His hands left my shoulders and he cupped my face. They were so warm against my cold cheeks, my knees weakened. “I don’t want you to leave because, well, because...”88

I gripped tighter onto the handle of my bag and sighed. “Why?”89

He stroked the side of my face with his thumb and gave me a sad smile that made my stomach flip. “Because I love you.”90

Brendon leaned in closer to me and I could feel his breath on my forehead. I looked up at him and our lips met. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I dropped my bag. I placed my hand warily on his cheek and he leaned into me. All of those bad feelings I’ve been having earlier on in the day were gone, because here in his arms is where I wanted to stay. His tongue traced the bottom of my lower lip and I let it inside. He deepened the kiss and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Our lips parted and a smile played on Brendons face.91

I tapped my palm lightly on his chest and averted my eyes from him. “I can’t stay.”92

He let go of me abruptly and shook his head. “Excuse me?”93

I bent down to grab my bag but Brendon beat me to it. “No, your not leaving.”94

I smirked. “Now look who’s the vulnerable one.” I took my bag out of his shaking hand and made my way out the front door. Aunt Andrea smiled from inside of her Suburban and dad took the bag out of my hands to place it in the trunk.95

He pulled me into a hug and I took in his scent for the last time. “I’m going to miss you, Val.”96

I sighed, holding back the tears. “Yeah, me too.” I pulled away from him and slid into the passengers seat. Andrea pulled out of our driveway and I glanced back at my house. I knew it was a mistake because the last thing that I saw before my house was out of sight was Brendon standing in the doorway with this look on his face, something I never thought I would see on Brendon Cavalari’s face. The look of longing, longing for me.97