Who Am I? ~ Chapter Twenty Seven

1

Taylor and I were now sitting back in our caravan; Luca had brought all of Kennedy’s things to our caravan and was looking after her. Luca had spoken to the police and they seemed to know her case quite well, they never once mentioned the baby, or having The Department of Welfare for Children, brought into it. So it made me wonder did anyone other than the people here know about Kennedy? Did she register her? Luca made a few phone calls to Births, Deaths and Marriages. Mum never registered any children; both Taylor and I were registered under our Mum’s at homes name. 2

I felt so numb. I didn’t know how I was feeling or what I was supposed to do. My tears had finally dried up, I couldn’t cry anymore. All that was left was this strange empty feeling. 3

I started straight ahead of me, this had really happened. We had finally found our Mother only to lose her in less than two weeks. I was thinking about what had made her change her mind about us. She was so cold when I first arrived; she was dead set against seeing us. How could she change her mind so fast and then throw it all away like this? How could she have been so stupid? How could I have been so stupid and selfish?4

I felt like all that I had done to change myself and be a better person had gone away, how could I have let it happen? As usual if I had of stopped and thought about her rather than myself she would still be alive, she wouldn’t have busted. 5

“Are you okay?” I asked Taylor, I didn’t feel like I was there, I could feel the words coming out of my mouth, but I couldn’t feel me saying them. 6

“I don’t know. I just…I…can’t believe this, I feel so alone and empty. This is all my fault.” She cried. 7

Just when I thought I had no more tears to cry I was wrong, they spilled down my cheeks again. 8

“How did this happen? We have only just found her! Now she’s gone and it’s all because of me!” She added.9

“Taylor you can’t blame yourself. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have gone out and had fun! I should have stayed here and mad sure that she was all right. I was out having a good time while she was laying in her bed choking to death! She must have been in so much pain! She must have been terrified!” I cried. She came over and we hugged each other. 10

“I just want to go back to that night. I want to go back and change it. I aggghhhhh! I don’t know what the hell I am feeling.” She yelled and held me tighter. 11

“Hayles, Taylor, stop it. This is not your fault. What happened was terrible but you can’t blame yourselves. Your Mother was sick. She had a problem that was to big for you guys.” Luca said sitting down with Kennedy and giving her a bottle. 12

“That’s just it! I am such an idiot! Why do I always think I can handle things on my own! Why do I always try to fix things myself! I should have got her help! I should have been a grown up and helped her!” I cried and punched the table; I was so angry and frustrated. 13

Luca jumped a bit I startled him. 14

“Stop it! There was nothing more you could have done for her! The both of you did all you could! She had an addiction! The only person that could have helped your Mother was herself! She had to make the choice and stop. She chose to go out and score, even with you both there, if she wanted to go out and score she would have and there is not a thing you could have done to stop her.” He said. 15

I knew he was right, I knew what he said made a lot of sense. But it didn’t make me feel any better. 16

“I have to make a call.” I said suddenly. I couldn’t put it off any longer, it was time to call my grandmother and tell her about her daughter. 17

It was the hardest call I ever had to make, she fell to pieces on the phone. I joined her. I could hardly talk. But after the phone call I felt a lot better. She had told me that she would fly up here in the next few days and fly her body home. She would make all the funeral arrangements. She didn’t want her being buried up here. She wanted to bring her home. She was devastated. The first time she would see her daughter, in almost 16 years would be in a body bag. We would fly home with her; I had nothing left keeping me here. 18

It was time to go home. I still was angry with my Mother but I needed her. I needed to be in her arms and for her to tell me everything was okay. 19

Even with them thoughts I wasn’t ready to talk to her just yet. I had Luca call her and tell her what was happening. He said she was upset about it all and would be at the funeral. It would be weird not being here anymore after 3 long months. 20

I didn’t want to move back home when I got back. I wanted to talk to Taylor first.21

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while about this, when we go home are you going to go and see your Mum?” I asked Taylor over dinner. Not that we we’re eating much. Pigeons ate more than this. 22

“I don’t want to but I have no where else to go. I don’t want to leave here, things were starting to get really good! I found my Mother even though I wasn’t looking for her; I met this amazing guy that I have to leave! I really care about him and what’s going to happen to Kennedy? I don’t want to leave her here! Who is going to take care of her?” She cried. 23

“I am.” I said suddenly without thinking, I didn’t need to think. I know what I wanted to do. 24

“What do you mean?” She asked. 25

“I’m taking her back with us. I’m not going to give my sister away. We are family. I want us to stay together. I never want to be torn apart again. I know I’m almost 17 I’m old enough to have my own baby nearly. Mum will help me take care of her.” I explained. 26

“She won’t have to because I will help you. I want to help you. I don’t want to be apart either.”27

“I was thinking that when we go back I don’t want to move home, but I haven’t really got a choice. I was thinking that we could move into the guesthouse. I mean it’s huge and would do us until our trust funds come through, then we could buy a bigger place or an apartment. Luca is going to move in, I think it would work.” I said looking at Kennedy. I had not a doubt in my mind. 28

“I think that sounds like the best idea in the world. I feel so bad Hayles. I feel a little better knowing all of this, knowing that we are going to be a family. I shouldn’t be feeling happy. I should be sad still but I can’t help it.” She sighed. 29

“I feel better too. I think it’s normal. I think that this is how we are supposed to be feeling. I have never dealt with these kinds of emotions before, so I guess there isn’t a wrong or right way.” I said. 30

***31

“I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum.” Rhylan said as he hugged Taylor tight. She hugged him back.32

She didn’t want to tell him that she was leaving. She felt crazy because she had only known him for a few weeks or so. But she had feelings for him she couldn’t help it. 33

“When is the funeral? I would like to come with you.” He said putting a smile on her face. He cared about her too.34

“Um…that’s the thing. She is from back where I live. The funeral is back home. Well close to home. I am leaving tomorrow.” She said reluctantly. 35

“Are you coming back?” He asked.36

“I have no reason to. She is gone. I was only here for her. So I guess this is goodbye then.”37

“No, don’t say that. You live where Hayleigh got on the bus right?” He said quickly. 38

“Yeah I do. We are getting a place together when we get home.”39

“Well it’s not good bye! My Mum lives down there. I am there for the summer. I will come back with you.” He smiled. 40

“No I can’t ask you to do that, you have your dad to look after.” She said. 41

“I’ve spent enough time with him, he won’t care. I know this sounds stupid but I really like you Taylor. I want to spend more time with you.”42

She smiled and hugged him that was exactly what she wanted to hear. 43