Who Am I? ~ Chapter Twenty Six

We had a great night. Taylor wasn’t as brave as she thought she was, and she asked me if we could go on a double date. I didn’t mind as it meant I got to spend time with the two people I loved most. 1

There were only two things worth doing in that town according to Rhylan – bowling or a movie. We couldn’t decide which one; so, we decided to do both. I had never been bowling before, and I figured out why: I was really bad at it, but I didn’t care. It was so much fun. 2

I had so many gutter balls; it wasn’t funny, but still, it was the most fun I had had in a while.3

Rhylan and Luca were really good. I didn’t realise how competitive he was. It was really close the whole game, but Luca won in the end. 4

The movie was great too. I don’t remember much of it as we sat talking more than anything. It seemed that not many people went out in the town. We were the only ones in the cinema. So we sat at opposite sides of the room. 5

“I had a really fun time tonight. It was perfect.” I smiled, rubbing Luca’s hand. 6

“Me too,” he replied. 7

“I'm sorry I have been so pre-occupied lately; I know I haven't paid you much attention.” 8

“Don't be sorry. You have had important stuff; you haven’t neglected me. I’ve been apart of it. I am glad that I am here.”9

“I love you, Luca.” I smiled. 10

“I was thinking about when we go back. You said you don't want to go back home, and I know that Taylor isn't keen on going home either. I was thinking that we could get a place together. I mean the money from our trust funds should get us a small place, and when we get older, we could sell it and split the cash.”11

My eyes filled with tears.12

“You want to live with me?” I gasped, hugging him. 13

“I love you Hayles. Of course, I would like to live with you.”14

I snuggled into his neck and continued to watch the movie. I glanced across the cinema and looked at Taylor. They looked like they were talking as well.15

*16

“Thanks for inviting me tonight, hey.” Rhylan said.17

“Ha ha ha.” She teased. “I didn't invite you. You came over and begged to take me out.”18

“Oh did I?” He smiled leaning in closer. “Well, I’m glad I did that. I can’t say I remember doing it.” 19

“Oh you did. You were really convincing too; I had no choice but you accept…” She started, but before she could finish, he kissed her. 20

The night was perfect. It was something that both Taylor and I needed. It was something I was glad to have done. We walked home and went to bed. Taylor spent the night at Rhylan’s again. 21

*22

I woke up early the next morning to go and see Mum. I felt bad for leaving her, especially since she needed us so much. I hoped that she was okay. I really wanted to see little Kennedy too. I had a quick shower and put makeup on and walked outside. It was raining heavily as usual. I sprinted across to her caravan. I knew the second I reached her door step that something was wrong. I could hear Kennedy crying inside. When I say crying, I mean a frantic cry. It was so loud that I was surprised no one had heard it. I pulled on the door, hoping it was open. It was; so, I rushed inside. I ran to her crib and picked her up. She was screaming so hard, and the smell was terrible. I rushed to the sink to grab her a bottle to try and calm her down. 23

“Shhh, honey it's all right darling. It’s all right.” I soothed. Placing the bottle in her mouth, I could tell she was starving: She sucked on the bottle ferociously. She couldn’t get it into her quick enough. I was so angry! 24

How could she lay in bed and not hear her cry? I looked at the table there was a note in big red letters.25

It read: 26

I’m sorry. I had to go out. This hurt too much. I just needed a little something. I won't be long. I probably will be back before you get here, and you won’t even know about it, but I left this note just in case. Please don't be mad. 27

Xxx Mum Ooo 28

How could she do this? How could she have left her here all night all alone? She was doing so well. Why did she have to bust again? I figured that she would have gotten smacked off her face and passed out in her bed. I changed Kennedy's nappy. It was disgusting the poor little thing. 29

I lay her back down in the crib, and she closed her big puffy eyes. I couldn’t believe that no one had heard her cry. I was going to wake my Mother up and have it out with her. I decided that it was time to call her parents and ask for help. This was too big for us. She needed to go to re-hab. We couldn’t do this on our own. I walked to the room and pulled open the door.30

The screams erupted from my throat instantaneously. I couldn’t control myself. I was mortified.31

There in front of me was Mum, sitting up, her head tilted. Her face was covered in vomit; the needle was still her arm. Her eyes were wide open. She should have fallen back but her body was now stiff. She was dead. She had overdosed. 32

“Mum!” I screamed tears pouring down my face. “Mum! Oh my god! Help me! Somebody help me!” I shouted falling to the floor.33

“Oh my god! Oh no! Oh! Help me! Please someone! Please!” I cried in a ball on the floor. 34

“FUCK! HELP ME!” I cried at the top of my voice. I started throwing up; I couldn’t control it; I felt so sick. I had to get help.35

Luca burst in the caravan.36

“Hayleigh, what’s wrong? I heard you screaming.” He gasped looking at me on the floor in a puddle of my vomit. 37

He looked up to see my Mum on the bed. He quickly pulled his phone out and called 000. They told him to start CPR immediately. I didn’t even think to call 000. I froze up. I couldn’t move.38

He rushed to her side. Her face was pale and blue. She had been dead for a few hours or more. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t perform CPR. He told this to the lady on the phone. She told him to hang tight, and the Ambulance would be there in a few minutes. 39

Luca picked me up off the floor and held me in his arms. I was a mess. In that moment, I completely fell apart. This was my fault. If I hadn’t of been so selfish and went out, this wouldn’t have happened. She would still be alive. She wouldn’t have been able to go out and score the drug that killed her. 40

“Hey, how’s our favourite patient? I got some chocolate muffins; thought you would like a treat.” Taylor smiled as she walked in. The colour drained from her rosy cheeks as she looked past Luca and I and saw Mum. Luca sat me down and rushed to her. She collapsed in his arms and burst into tears!41

“What happened? Call for help! She needs help!” She cried as he struggled to keep her standing. 42

“She needs help! Help her!” She screamed punching on his chest. Seconds later she gave up and let him hug her. 43

“Why?” She sobbed. “What the hell did we do so wrong? We only just found her!” 44

About 5 minutes later, the Ambulance guys came and looked at the body. Like Luca had told them, there was nothing they could do. She was dead. They put her in a body bag and wheeled the body outside. They explained to me that she had probably died from choking on her vomit. She was too doped out to move her head to clear her throat. They used more words than that, but that you get what I mean. 45

It all seemed to just go in one ear and out the other. I couldn’t take it in. It didn’t feel like this was happening; it didn’t feel real. Why did this happen? Were we not meant to be happy? What did we do so wrong? She was doing so well. She hadn’t touched anything for 4 days! That’s a big achievement! She wanted to get her life back! Why did she have to go out and ruin it all? Why did we go out? Why did we have to leave her?46

If we stayed with her, she wouldn’t have had a chance to go out and score. She would be eating the muffins Taylor brought over! She we would be sitting here making plans for the future. Now because we were her daughters, we had to make arrangements for her funeral. The Ambulance guys told us that we could pick up her body after the autopsy. They were so cold about it. They might have well as just said, “You can bury the bitch once we cut the junky open. We don’t want to waste our time. We know she OD’ed, but it’s the law.”47