She sleeps

She rolled over, deep in sleep after hours of just waiting for her body to shut down. Thoughts running through her head keeping her awake, thoughts of love, lust and a possible but forever un-obtainable happiness. 1

Her thoughts mostly of the past few weeks, ever since, she hated the thought; even more so now she has done it again. Stupidly, she has waited so long, but now perhaps it was too long and she is no longer the same person. Was she ever that person? She’s spent so long trying to find an answer, or perhaps a solution to this situation, so many thoughts, so many scenarios so many everything but nothing that would work. Perhaps more communication, that could work if she could hold him down long enough to talk to him. When would that ever happen? He would always be gone, right when you just started making sense of it, he would disappear. Normally for months at a time, sometimes longer but never reappearing for more than a day or so before taking off again. The elusive one, but the one to always hold her heart. Not love, no not yet but perhaps one day if they were ever together long enough. She shudders as she thinks of how he makes, made her feel. His touch, sending a chill down her, hungering for that long awaited kiss and the amazing feeling that came with it. How it felt to watch him quietly from across the room, undetected until she wanted to be. Seeing everything, even things she didn’t want. Like the last night they saw each other. That was a feeling she could of done without, but she should have known better. She will forever be the fix, not continuous supply. How can one person change how you feel? 2

The thoughts of a possibly solution now forever plaguing her, all she knows is they both want each other, but what else is unknown. Perhaps they could give it a go, but no that wouldn’t work. Maybe continue on as they are, but that isn’t fair. Maybe friends with benefits, but again not fair, someone will get hurt. What about friends? No, they could never just be friends. She could fool pretty much anyone, but not herself. She may even be able to fool him, but the thought of living a lie is too painful. 3

With no solution, and final exhaustion of ideas, she sighs and doesn’t realise she sleeps. 4