Everyone must face the question sometime. Whether it be a king or a beggar, their time will come. And when you're faced by 'el major puta' himself, that's when you face the question.1
When your bright eyes look up and see that flashing gun barrel or that piece of shrapnel zooming towards you, every frame of thought bringing the inescapable death closer and closer, every man thinks the same thought.2
Now when kneeling upon the steps to the monstre himself. The all powerful being that lesser men call "God" with the same contempt as those would say "a sheep". He raises you to stand and speaks plainly, as all men are wont to do. 3
Now, a conversation with God is a game. You are in your own jihad, your personal argument with "a bettered soul". Your judge, jury, and executioner will stand before you and hear out your life as though it was a commonplace piece of shit novel. As if your choices and morality were "meant to be" and the world was black and white. So is a cruel, unfair, and sometimes illogical game but a game nonetheless. And you must win it, if you wish to continue in the pitiful thing we call "life".4
Some men's conversations are harder, some near impossible. And no matter how hard you try, you will eventually fail. You will stutter, hesitate, or even weep and your life will be over. And then that lone piece of flying shrapnel will enter your head and in the blink of a eye, you will be with your brethren, the dead. All of mankind's friends and lovers lie in that sorry pool. The greatest leaders, thinkers, musicians and lovers lie there along with the scum of the earth. So the one we call "God" has no reason to prove his existence. To make that train stop, even when it seems neigh impossible, no, when it is impossible. That is why you must win.5
So then you think your last thought. And it is a simple thought, but aren't all thoughts when faced with eminent death simple? "Why?" you ask. And every question is always "Why?". A "Why is my life being snuffed out as nothing as though a child blowing out a candle?" or "Why do i die?". 6
And so the conversation begins...
Author notes
I want your favourite song and waffle topping in AN's
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A contest entry
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Honorable mention
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Comments
1 - 66 of 66
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Interesting Idea
"'el major puta?' Better hope he is as forgiving as he expects us to be or you're SOL. How is it that he sits in judgement, if he is only a "a bettered soul". It is an interesting contest you set forth. -
Thought Provoking
Lot of hard edged thoughts in there. Life is a contact sport, and I guess we all have to have that conversation. Just not sure if it has to be at the last moment.
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This was a very compelling piece that I indeed did enjoy.
It was very thought provoking, and made me go back in my mind and wonder if I have ever asked that question, and I have found that I havent asked that particular question. Although I really enjoyed your story, It did confuse me a bit. I had to reread a lot of the sections. But I really like the moral behind the story which I was easily able to understand. I hope you continue writing because I believe you can accomplish great things to come.
Goodluck to future writing to come(: -
This is very well written; obviously a compelling piece of work. I must congratulate you on that. However, instead of informing me about a specific relIgion, you summed up my religious questions in writing. That was not the concept I was necessarily looking for.
Thanks for taking the time to enter my contest.
*Frozen Angel* -
This so should be on one of the highest ranking things possible, because it's so thought provoking as it is true, even to people who wouldn't stop to think about God's existence. It's so truthful as well!
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WOW. Its was pretty good. You entered it in a lot of contests just wonderful hope you when in the ones that havent closed yet. Once again i wish u lots of luck and hope you continue writin
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This was a little confusing, yes, I think I see some metaphors in there, but I'm not able to tell if they're metaphors that often or not.
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It's easy to read which makes what you're trying to say easier to comprehend. My favorite line is "And no matter how hard you try, you will eventually fail". All equal in our imperfections I guess.
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Wow. Very good. I liked the bitterness to it, and the writing was very well done. The story gets you thinking, and I loved the way you ended it. Thumbs up.
ending: 5.
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i like this... a few spelling mistakes.. makes you think quite a bit.. good work. i love it.
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Some good points here. I see it a little differently, however. The Divine is everpresent, so at the end, what's there to explain? She's been there every step of the journey, heard your every thought. So she already knows your explanations.
Makes the thought of death less terrifying. It's really only a new page to the book of life!
Plot: 4
Language: 4
Theme: 5
Total: 13
Really a thought provoking piece. Good work. Thank you so much for entering! I wish I could applaud this!! -
since you were a finalist I chose a random section (paragraph 6) and read it. I scored you a 9 1/2 (with 10 as the best) good luck!
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interesting hook...
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Wasn't at all what i expected when I read the title. I must confess I was expecting a cliched "why don't you make the world better?" type rant, so it was a pleasant surprise.
You've got a few spelling mistakes - eminent, monstre. It's also a bit confusing in a few places.
Otherwise, nice job, and an interesting idea. -
Interesting concept.
Thank you for entering my contest. Good Luck!!!
Th.
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Read this already
but commenting for the sake of contest 
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i kinda of liked it. it wasnt that great but it wasnt horrible.
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what did you not like about the piece? is there any way i could improve it in your opinion?
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I loved it!
Amazing work! I think your writing has a certain quality to it that many people will enjoy. Not being religious, I wouldn't have thought I'd ever enjoy a story such as yours, but I thought it was very creative and interesting. It was worded very nicely, and I think it would be very interesting to see more of your work, in different genres. There are a few things I would like you to change...
In paragraph 4, line 4, there is a word which comes out as * bunny * to me. I would like you to change that word to another one with similar meaning.
In paragraph 4, line seven, I would like you to use a better word than "thing".
I would like you to add the genre of your story in the AN, as it says in the rules.
Thanks for entering, and good luck!
-Ellie (Rae)
beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5.
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ok, the thing is i have some problems thinking of the genre. im not really sure what it would be under >.<
and what would you suggest instead of "thing" ? -
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Thats okay then, about the genre I mean. Your right, I don't know what genre it would be under either...
Instead of "thing", you could have:
"event", "experience", "occurence", "occasion", "phase", "phenomenon", "predicament", "proceeding", or "situation". There are probably more, but these were the best I could come up with.
I hope my advice helps you.
-Ellie (Rae)
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It's good, I like it. It's very interesting and well-written, the ending is very powerful,
Great job =]
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Very well written. Good luck in my contest ^^
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Well written, good luck in the contest.
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That was good! It was different and I liked it! I always woundered what that would be like so it's cool to read a story about it! well done
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Though I am not a Christian, I did find this piece moving.
I like how you asked the questions and stated the things that many do not dare to say. You make many good points and lay out some unique ideas. I like the idea that when you are about to die, you have a chance to save yourself by playing a difficult game with the Almighty.
And the fate that is given when you lose sounds horrific. It is not the place I would want to go. So, much like you say, we have to win that game.
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This is certainly a thought provoking piece here and I enjoyed this short read/blurb about your thoughts.
I do have some suggestions for improvement- I hope you don't mind
Always capitalize God. Even if you're not of the Christian faith or any other religion, it's only out of respect to capitalize a religion's deity name- i.e. God
P1:
And when your faced by 'el major puta' himself, that's when you face the question.
you're
P4:
As if your choices and morality were "meant to be" and the world was black and white So is a cruel, unfair, and sometimes illogical game but a game nonetheless.
period after white. comma after So. And should read: So, it is a cruel, unfair and sometimes illogical game, but a game nonetheless.
P5:
Some men's conversation are harder, some near impossible.
conversations
P5:
And then that lone piece of flying shrapnel will enter your head and in the blink of a eye you will be with your brethren, the dead.
comma after eye
P5:
the greatest leaders, thinkers, musicians and lovers lie there along with the scum of the earth.
capitalize the T in the. It's the start of a sentence.
P6:
So then you think your last thought. And it is a simple thought, but arn't all thoughts when faced with eminent death simple?
comma after So. I would also suggest some re-wording here for smoother flowed out sentences. Seems a little choppy. Try turning the period after thought into a comma and lowercasing the A in 'and'. turn the second 'thought' into 'one'. Then turn the comma before 'but' into a period and capitalize the B in 'but.
arn't is spelled aren't.
Like this:
So, then you think your last thought, and it is a simple one. But aren't all thoughts when faced with eminent death simple?
I hope I helped
I did enjoy reading this and it provokes a lot of different thoughts in readers I'm sure. Good work.
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thanks for the comment
i changed most everything you said, although i kept the ending the same, simply becasue i love that wording. it might be a little unclear but i still like it
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A very philosophical piece, I enjoyed it being a philosophy student =P it was an enjoyable read and not what I expected from the title I must say. I was pleasently suprised.
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I was sure this was going to be an conversion story and was ready to bounce out at the first sign of 'come all let's hold hands brothers and sisters crap' I am glad that I stayed to read it though and liked it very much.
I think it's better to be a stone cold atheist (sic) than a lukewarm christian.
Good luck in the contests. This was a good write.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Good thoughts. Gave me something to think about.
Good luck in the contests! -
I will say that you are a good writer, you use very descriptive words, and keep you sentences brief and to the point. So, this piece is well-written.
However, you are very mistaken in your view on God. When you do have your "conversation" as you put it with God after you die then you will see what I mean.
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A bit cynical, but such a thoughtfully written piece. It does make you stop and think. You are a very good writer and I will look up more of your work.
Best of luck in the contests. You should do well.
Trish
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Wow... I'm left in amazement, that was like, the work I've been trying to accomplish for years. It really put into perspective how pathetic I am as a writer, I will likely reread this several times.
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haha well thank you, that was some amazing praise lol xP
i guess if you liked it would you read over te rest of my stories and tell me what you thought of them?
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i think it was good representation of what might be while I do not agrey with it this is a writing sight not a theological one. I would say give god emotion. All the stories involving god portray him with some sort of emotion just some kind of emotion.
-Aregato -
I really liked it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was hard to follow but i soon understood it!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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It was ....deathly :))
I liked it and it was pulled off to be not overly done but satisfying for me at least -
right, you entered this in one of my other contests and I already commented and read this, idk if you read the rules but I kinda wanted something I hadn't read yet! I am keeping it in but please remember to read the rules, also if you look at rule #5 you might see something that clued me in. Thanks for entering!
CreaterSk8er
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I enjoyed this and it was written well and so now the real barn burners, well
actually there is not. it was a very good job well done by the writer and the ending, really liked the ending, Why ? why me? and well the conversation continues , yes it does and does it ever end too. Thanks I got so much from this and was very glad you wrote it, and its different, and glad I clicked on it. Continue writing please.
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why thank you
i thank you for always reading my stories, it seems that every one of mine has had a comment, so thanks for being a constant reader
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A little confusing to me, but then again my thinking is only on two levels - the surface and the bottom of the ocean. I'm not quite sure what to think of it, but I like it.
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I'm loving the concept of this. because it happens to everyone, well, some religions may differ but it relates to alot of people. that instantly puts it on good ground.
i think it is well written and a good read, thanks, Kurtis -
I enjoyed reading this, very deep and thoughtful. It was fantastic aside from a few minor grammar errors I picked out.
You might want to give it a once-over to catch those.
Thanks for sharing and keep on writing~
~Sparrow -
The writing in this was very, very good. You did actually pull off a very difficult kind of writing. Short... which is phenomenal, in my opinion. So... good work, I guess. You have talent writing. It is very strong. I wish you the best of luck in all the contests you've entered.
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a conversation with god
Thanks for replying. What I meant was though, are people meant to just leave a comment or are their comments meant to be how they wouold react in the same situation and what their last words might be?
~jj -
Hi -alwaysrockon,
I'm new here as of today and I'm not sure how to participate, if indeed I am meant to, in your project 'a conversation with god.'
Is it meant to be a project where the reader writes what his last word to God would be when he saw that bullet coming at him? I just didn't want to wreck your project by answering if I wasn't meant to.
Thanks,
~jj -
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nope its just a story, =P
not a project or anything
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pretty good write! thanks for your entry and good luck!
Kudos,
CreaterSk8er
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Second-person is a very hard narrative style to pull off. I felt pushed-around by your use of "you," especially because your tone is so contemptuous. You speak with an authority that you do not convince me you hold. That loses me as a reader.
Also, it's been a while since I studied Spanish. Did you call God "The biggest whore"? -
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er yea.. they did call him that...
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Wow. Strong and an eye-opener. Good luck in the contest!
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The anger in this was very strong, and the spelling mistakes were only slightly jarring. I liked it, it's always interesting to hear opinions of people who would speak out against the divine. It's a rebellious strength.
The piece left me a little unsatisfied, though, although apparently it was mean to. It rambles smoothly about the unfairness of the idea of God and a person's life, and it ends on a question, in fact, the whole thing seems to have the underlying question... "This sucks, what do we do about it?"
And there's no answer...
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First off, you kept writing "god". To some more religious folk it might be offensive to Him. You always capitalize it. You should put "God" verses "god".
As for the actual written part I thought it was great. A definite thinker! It's short but gets right to the point. I like it!
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haha I'll try to change it as soon as possible
Thanks for the help, although the story bashes god quite a bit (alibeit in spanish) and calls him harsh names (for a harsh judge I suppose).
anyway I'll still capitilize it, and thanks again for the advice
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As much as I'm prepared to go diving down someone's throat, I'll keep my biased thoughts to myself and focus more upon the literature.
This is good. The writing, the way you've expressed your opinion whether it be a blunt and straightforward strike to the face or an insinuated belief is suitable for the concept that you're trying to convey. To be perfectly honest, I like it. It's simple. It may be harsh in some areas, but hey, that's life.
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haha thank you.
its good to know that it fit into the bounderies of your contest
however it would probably suprise you to know that i (despite my story) am a athiest. however the source material (which i thought in my head while walking my mutt word for word almost) was in half spanish half english(although the english part remains the same) i had to remove most of the spanish part(you know why, most people dont know three launguages) and the spanish part refuted god's existance and insulted him while the english revered him. i only could leave one single spanish part leaving it to seem as though the story is very pro-god.
in truth im nuetral to religion, i dont bash religous people and iget along well with them. i have no quarrel with the bible, the quaran, or any other religous manuscript. -
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I wasn't referring to the material itself, just to certain people's comments. xD Sorry for the misunderstanding.
And yeah, that's understandable. Oh well, though.
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great write and good luck
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Interesting Topic
I like the concept of this but if you have faith in God then you should know that even this random act wasn't God choice it was someone else's that is going down a differant path. This is about free will and what you choose to do with that.
When you say that person is your judge n jury no there not that is just a person who made a choice to do something that supports the dark side of human nature and this is where they will end up since they took that path in life.
Think about it you think people that do these things in life just go nowhere when they die and they are allowed to rain this destuctive force in the world and just get away with it that is the problem with the world to many of you don't think of these things before you act on them.
Sure we are all afraid at the end we don't know what awaits us even the atheist's that commented on this are unsure of what they believe or don't believe the truth is we are supposed to have faith that there is a plan.
What is being atheist all about that means you believe in nothing seems unlikely that a complex universe was just designed by a explosion out in space?
That the complexities of Men and Woman could be created by decending from apes? The concept of pure love was just something we thought up?
Ya man has been so successful in working to make a the world a better place? If we practiced the teachings of God here on earth the world would change.
What does that say about us as a people? It comes down to this we all have free will to deceide what path we will take and how we will effect other people's lives.
Being a athiest is about being afraid of what you fear could be true but since you can't see it for yourself you doubt it and come up with all kinds of reasons why it couldn't be possible but in reality you have no idea what to think truth is you are letting your fears speak for you.
The answer's have always been there and man has tried to discredit them for years and never has been able to.
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"Being a athiest is about being afraid of what you fear could be true but since you can't see it for yourself you doubt it and come up with all kinds of reasons why it couldn't be possible but in reality you have no idea what to think truth is you are letting your fears speak for you."
No offense to you or anything, but I think that's utter bull-piss. I'm an athiest too, and it's not because I'm "afraid" of anything. It's a choice--like choosing to believe in reincarnation or choosing to follow Jesus Christ. I personally choose to be open-minded about religion and not limit myself to one outlook on life OR afterlife. The creation of the universe is something that I will never understand, so why spend time fretting over that when you could be out enjoying the life you have in front of you?
Now on to the actual story: it was incredibly thought-provoking, and to Armaan, I think the whole point was to leave us thinking about the answer instead of giving it out to us. For those who said it's too harsh, well opinions can be harsh sometimes. I love the honesty and emotion of this, and as always I'm impressed by your writing style. And if you get annoyed by my long rambly comments, just tell me and I'll try to stop lol
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Well Written
It was really well written, but I have to say that not many people do die from shrapnel or bullets. Perhaps it is better stated that you ask 'Why?' when you get the doctors prognosis, or you ask 'why?' when you find out you only have so long to live. It was, as I said before, well written. Good job!
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As an atheist, I found this somewhat uninvolving. And the tale seemed unduly concerned with bullets. In fact, not all that many people die from gunshots, except in wartime. And, in illegal invasions.
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im a aithiest, oh and i fixed the "gun prollem". now it only mentions a gun twice.
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hmm... heres the other 3...
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humm... its REALLY GOOD and soo true... altough you can have a conversation with God when ever you want...(yes im a Jesus freak ) but about the last moment... that happend to my friend... and she doesnt lie...so we both know that last conversation is true...(lol that friend is now typing this...)
yes its true...and that conversation it amazing and frightining at the same time...(check you caps and were their spossed to be... )
if we could we would give you SIX stars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but we'll settle with 3...
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