Her soul is meshed into every corner of this palatial house. The china is imprinted with her golden trimmed monogram, as I shine the silver I see her reflection in it. “These walls reek of memories and linger like the scent of fresh paint," she always says almost bitterly,"I hate the scent of fresh paint.” It is as though she can’t get the sting of the past away from her. It is etched on her face and the sagging of her old skin.1
She will die with her secrets I'm sure. The way she roams the wide, cream marble hallways and gently runs her hand along the dark, burgundy walls as if to be sure it still exists. She seems to be reliving her moments every moment. Is it a burden? Is it a torture? I can't ask her these things for she is rigid...or is it frigid? Perhaps it is both.2
I hope I'm never like her. While I may be here serving her will for a time being. I will not let her contaminate me with her stillness. I will welcome all things new and fresh...even the smell of fresh paint.3
Author notes
It just came out...?
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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WOW... I really like the imagery and vivid descriptions... You did a great job on this story!!! I really like it!!!
Beth -
seems very personal. you could flesh this out into a short story. you touch on alot of sensitive thoughts. your narrative is very desciptive and colorful. great visuals that draw a reader in. even metamophically. but i can see this as a short story. the thing about writing stories, and this is prob why i write poems the same way. is you almost have to write backwards. you have to have a destination. i think too many poems lack that and that is why they have lackluster endings and arent very memorable. this is great prose.
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Wow...I really liked that. I don't know what to call it. It's not a poem, not a story..it's just good. I really love the imagery, especially the line "gently runs her hand along the dark, burgundy walls as if to be sure it still exists."
-Hood
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lovely
It came out wonderfully.
Tony is right. It's subtle. I felt it was poignant and wonderful. A tone that lingers, like playing a piano in an empty hall where every note resounds an echo.
It is like take a slow walk on the closest one can get to a perfect day.
gypsybelle.
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I liked the delicious oblique imagery in this poem...that is my personal liking, but as a whole there are some abstractions which are not desirable...Overall, an atmospheric feel is set in this excellent prose poem!
D -
I like the subtlety and the way in which this is not really a piece that is hitting me over the head with it's message. I think that it has overtones which urge me to find out more about the narrator and the subject within the piece yet at the end I am content with what I know. Tony.
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very good
Oh very nice! I like the imagery and the descriptions that you put into this piece. Just a bit of personal dislike, though. I really don't like it when people use '...' more than once in a piece, because it makes the piece a little less crisp and a little repetitive. There are other solutions to the '...' usage though.
For example, when you have her speak, you can but the first part of what she's saying "These walls reek of memories and linger like the scent of fresh paint" put something like "she says almost bitterly" comma and then "I hate the scent of fresh paint." That gives the reader a sense of a natural pause enforced by the way the story is written rather than the use of '...'s
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