You are iris and lilac growing together,1
making the earth a fertile thing.2
Kitaro and I walk with the geese,3
shadowing them by the lake.4
You appear by the shore, all torn up with love5
for me, prophesied by the farthest star.6
I leave Kitaro to meditate in his oasis,7
and I attach myself to you. Our lips are remoras.8
The floating dawn illuminates9
your iridescent plumage. It thrills like a waterfall,10
roaring, pounding, singing to the reedy pools below.11
I run my hand through your feathers, and the feel12
of Sky and Earth and Lilium betrays my heart.13
Wings spread wide, blossom open to the sun,14
and you and I create everything in shades of purple.15
A hazy shade of purple, the violet colour spilling in your eyes16
and I am lost in your field of joyful, lavender tears.17
You are wind and rain flying together,18
making the Sky a constant, moving thing.19
We walk by the lake, remembering the night20
when the geese led me to you.21
I am all torn up with love for you,22
my growing heart desperate for eternity itself.23
Kitaro plays the Wedding March with reed flutes synthesized24
and with the soft, gentle hush of his oasis.25
Author notes
Written whilst listening to 'Floating Dawn' by Rebekka.
Comments
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Well done. I like the pacing and rythym (sp?) and pacing of this piece it flows together nicely the words and leads up to the end without jarring.


beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Well, for one thing, I was listening to music whilst writing it, so that probably helped establish the rhythm for this piece.
Also, I've been writing poetry for several years, so I can usually give good rhythm to what I write (but sometimes I deviate from rhythm purposely <_<).
Thanks for your comment!
~WhiteSwan, a.k.a. Asiatic Fox
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