The Rose. Chapter 1 Jitki

I was always the loser at Greenwood High school. The last one to be picked in Gym though I was good at all sports, maybe a little too good. The one that sat alone at lunch so it made me finish fast and get out of the lunch room. Well, one day all that changed I was no longer a student at Greenwood High school and it was all because of a blood red rose from a stranger.1

I got home at 4:30 p.m. and there the rose was sitting at the bottom of my apartment door. As I picked up the rose to admire it, the rose teleported me to a mystical world that I had thought I had never been to. When my mind cleared, I looked around myself. I was in a room made out of brick and everything was fancy, like it was meant for a queen.2

“Juliana, glad the portal didn’t do any damage to you.” Somebody said with the same voice as me. I turned around and I was face to face with a mirror image of myself. The same blue ruby eyes, same black hair with red tips, same height and every thing. She was only dressed differently and she had pointy ears.3

“Who are you and where am I?” I asked in a shaky voice. 4

“ I am Jasmine Firedance. I am your identical twin sister. This place here is Jitki. You were born here just as I was, but after we were born we were sent to Earth to keep us safe from harm. We are elves.” Jasmine answered.5

“Aren’t elves small beings though?” I asked for back then I had only seen the lesser elves in pictures.6

“You are thinking of the lesser elves. We are greater elves. Father, should be able to tell you more of the history of our kind. For me, I don’t know since I just got here the day before yesterday.”7

“I refuse to call a man I don’t know my father. To me he is stranger. I grew up in an orphanage. I know where you were placed. You were placed with our aunt.”8

“ Shush, go take a bath and get dressed so I can take you to our father, the king.” Jasmine snapped.9

“Show me where the clothes and the bathroom is and I will, but except me to do what you tell me to do all the time.” I snapped back.10

Jasmine showed me where the closet was and the bathroom. I grabbed what I needed and I marched to the bathroom with an attitude. I did not take well to being told what to do. I slammed the door and listened while Jasmine left the room. When she left I turned on the water and the bubbles and cried. I was far away from the apartment that was my home and I didn’t know anyone.11

After I was satisfied that I was clean and calm enough I put on a satin red dress and walked out of the bathroom. Jasmine was sitting on the bed waiting for me. I gaped at her and she gaped at me for we were wearing the same thing and had done the same thing with our hair. A braided bun.12

“Well, enough of looking like fish. We have to go talk to the king.” She said as she went to the door and opened it. We walked to the throne room in silence, though we had a lot of catching up to do.13

“Here we are, you go first.” I opened the door with my head held up and my shoulders straight. I looked at the man sitting on the throne room. He had graying black hair and his green eyes sparkled. If he wasn’t sitting on a throne you would never know he was a king. He was dressed in what looked like a hunting outfit. It was all made out of buckskin. 14

“Hello, Jasmine.” The king said as he looked at me.15

“Sorry, Sir but I am Juliana. Jasmine is behind me.” I bowed as I said this letting him know I had no disrespect for him as a king.

what can I add to make you want to keep on reading

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Comments

  • emma...
    August 6

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    I agree with Rosemary; more detail would have made it more interesting. There were things I wanted to know in more detail before jumping into the climax. Nice write :]

  • well, it starts into the action a bit soon for a first chapter, but i like the idea of an alternate universe.


  • Rosemary silver member
    August 6

    Edit | Reply

    Good start

    Your story has many possibilities and can go in any direction at this point. I think adding a little more detail about how the rose transported her and what she felt while being transported to Jitki would add to the story.


  • individuality gold member
    August 5
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    whoa i am way too fecked to read all this but i thank you for visiting my work earlier and leaving some smiles in your words, that was kind of you. bu no way am i reading this whist wasted