Hostage Rescue

Three hours had passed and still no progress. Captain Mark Valdez studied a blueprint of the house closely as he listened to the negotiator bargain with the man on the other end of the phone line. Four men with two hostages, it was a situation that could go either way for the newly appointed captain. A successful scenario could gain him a large amount of publicity and renown, unfortunately so would a failure. The negotiator frowned, setting the phone down, an all too familiar sight.1

“He hung up again…”2

Checking his watch the captain frowned.3

"We've given them enough time...” Valdez stated, pausing for a moment before continuing. “I guess it's time to take it to the next step.”4

Taking a deep breath, the captain opened the door and stepped out of the mobile command center. Walking over to a table with more blueprints and papers on it he motioned towards one of the men standing with a group of officers. The man hurried over to the table.5

“What is the status of your teams Sgt. Hunter?” asked Valdez.6

“Well sir, we have two snipers on adjacent rooftops.” he stated, pointing towards to different buildings near the house. “We also have two strike teams ready to move on your order.”7

“Alright sergeant, go ahead and prep your men and wait for my order. I believe we are going to force entry.”8

“Alright Captain, will do.”9

With that Hunter strode back over to his men, motioning for them to come together.10

“Alright men, we have four bad guys, three are Hispanic males and the other is a Caucasian male. Their leader is Carlos Torrisi a local drug dealer. Carlos and his men have two female hostages. The females are the residents of the house. It appears that they owed Carlos some money, so he and his friends paid these females a visit to collect. When things went bad and the Sheriff’s department arrived on scene, these men barricaded themselves in the house and are holding the women hostage at gun point. Preliminary recon shows the two females in this room.” he remarked, pointing to a small bedroom in the center of the house. “Carlos and the white male are in the room with them. We have one Hispanic male guarding the front door, and we are unsure of the exact location on the other.”11

Motioning for his men to draw in closer and examine the map, he began to point out the snipers’ locations, and how he wanted the two teams to approach the house. After a few more minutes of discussion, he gave the command for them to get in place for the approach. The men were divided into two teams of six men each. Alpha team was stationed around the back of the house, and the Bravo team at the front. It only took a couple minutes for the teams to station themselves around the house, and then they were ready for the go-ahead. Sgt Jason Hunter took the lead in Bravo team, and his second in command took Alpha team. Once the men were in place Hunter keyed up on the radio.12

“1019, this is 2012, teams are in place. Do we have the go ahead?”13

“That’s affirmative 2012, all teams are a go!” replied Valdez.14

Hunter placed his hand in the air and made a waving motion in the direction of the house. The team of six men, lined up one behind the other, began to move simultaneously towards the front door. Hunter in the front of the line carried a bullet-proof shield and his left hand, and a Benelli M1 shotgun in the other. Behind him, three of the men carried an H&K MP5 sub machine gun. The other two carried a Colt CAR-15 carbine. They all had multiple handguns fastened to their belts and legs, the majority of them being either a M1911 or a Beretta 92. Approaching the front door from the left side the team paused for a moment while Hunter keyed up on his radio.15

“Alpha command, this is Bravo command. Bravo team is in place and ready to make entry, what is your status.”16

“Alpha team good to go!”17

“Copy that, on my command Alpha team move in.”18

Hunter dropped the shotgun and allowed it to hang from his belt by the strap while raising his fist above his head and making a circular motion. Immediately the officer in the rear of the line moved forward to the door and placed a charge on it, moving back to his spot at the end of the line he drew his sub machine gun and waited. Five seconds later the charge exploded sending splinters of wood flying in every direction.19

“Alpha team, move move move!” shouted Hunter into his mouthpiece.20

Rushing through the door there was a burst of fire in Hunter’s direction, two bullets deflected off his shield, and the others sunk into the walls on both sides of him sending pieces of wood and plaster in the air. Pulling his shotgun up level with his waist Hunter squeezed the trigger. A flash of fire and a spray of bullets burst out of the barrel in the direction of the man standing only ten feet in front of Hunter. The majority of the bullets hit the man in the upper chest and neck, sending a spray of blood, skin, and bone flying back onto the wall behind him. The man’s body dropped lifelessly to the floor leaving him with half of his neck missing, and nearly decapitated. Bursts of fire could be heard coming from the back of the house as well. 21

“One down, room clear!” yelled Hunter over to radio.22

Hunter’s team made their way to the end of the main hallway where it teed off in each direction. The team which was walking down the center of the hall split into two groups of three, one of the groups pressing against the right wall and moving up to the corner, and the other on the left wall. Reaching the corners they stopped and waited.23

*******************************************************************24

Alpha team had been at the back of the house waiting for the go-ahead. Hearing Hunter’s command over the radio their rear officer had smashed the door in with a ram. As soon as the door was busted down the second in line tossed in a flash-bang grenade. Four seconds later the grenade exploded sending a flash of light and sound through the foyer. A second later Alpha team was rushing into the home with the butts of their sub-machine guns pressed firmly against their shoulders, and the muzzles facing straight ahead. Entering the foyer there was a moment of silence. The silence was quickly interrupted as a man appeared around the corner with his AK-47 drawn; squeezing the trigger he sent bullets flying into the foyer.25

“Bad guy 12 o’clock! 12 o’clock!” screamed one of the officers over the radio.26

Three bullets hit the wall beside the rear officer. The fourth one caught his right leg just above the knee. Dropping to the ground and landing on his back the officer let out a deep groan. The second officer in line leveled the tip of his muzzle with the man’s chest and squeezed the trigger sending a burst of three bullets into the man’s chest, and blowing a large hole out of his back.27

“One bad guy down!” exclaimed the officer over the radio.28

“We have an officer down in here, we are going to need EMS to the back of the house now!” shouted another.29

One of the officers stayed with the injured officer in the foyer, and the other four moved forward into the hallway.30

“Clear left!”31

“Clear right!”32

To the right was a dead end, so all four units moved down the hall to the left, pressed against the left wall. Reaching an open door on the left, the lead officer raised his hand in the air signaling for them to stop about a foot away from the door. After stopping for a moment, the second in line tapped the lead officer on the shoulder twice signaling for him to move in. The lead officer instantly entered the doorway and turned to the right with his gun drawn. The second in line was one step behind him and moved to the left when entering. The other two officers in the hallway continued up the hall before stopping at the next corner and waiting.33

After clearing the room the two officers emerged and took their place behind the others at the corner. Taking a right they moved up the short hall to where Bravo team was waiting.34

“Back of the house clear sir.” stated Alpha’s team leader.35

“Front is clear as well.” replied Hunter, “We just have room down the hall with the hostages and two more bad guys. There are two entrances to the room. Alpha team will take the front, and Bravo team will take the side. Both doors are closed, so wait on my order before breaching.”36

“Copy that.” replied the officer.37

With that both teams began moving down the hallway, Alpha team on the left wall and Bravo team on the right. Approaching the first entrance to the room on the left, Alpha team stopped just short of the front entrance. Bravo team continued past the closed door still pressed against the right wall. Approaching the corner of the hall they switched to the left side, and after a quick peak around the corner, they took a left down the hall and stopped just short of the side door.38

“Bravo team in position.” whispered Hunter into his transmitter.39

“Alpha team copies and ready to roll on your command.” stated Alpha’s team leader.40

“Alpha team, breach, flash, and clear!” replied Hunter.41

Kicking the door in, Alpha team tossed in a flash-bang grenade. One of the men inside shouted something in Spanish, and half a second later the flash-bang grenade was kicked back out into the hall.42

“Fire in the…!”43

The explosion emitted an intense flash of light and a piercing sound that left the officers in Alpha team stunned. The explosion impaired their vision and equilibrium, leaving them groaning and fumbling around trying to get their bearings.44

Bravo team was already coming in the side door when they saw the man kick the flash-bang grenade back out of the room and into the hall with Alpha team. The two men in the room were facing away from Bravo team, and on entry bravo team raised their weapons, aiming at the two men.45

“Drop your weapons and put your hands behind your head! Do it now!” yelled Sgt Hunter.46

Both men froze, their backs to the officers.47

“Drop your weapons, do it now!” commanded Hunter.48

Carlos Torrisi slowly extended his arm out from his side and let his AK-47 drop to the ground. The other man that had kicked the grenade back into the hallway hesitated for a brief moment before spinning around and pulling up his pistol. Bringing his pistol up level with Hunter’s chest he began to squeeze the trigger. He was too slow. Four of the Bravo team members engaged, squeezing their triggers and firing their weapons. Most of the bullets caught the man in his chest, and a few in the stomach. The bullets ripped through the man’s body, shredding his clothes and killing him instantly. The men immediately focused their aim towards Torrisi.49

“No shoot! No shoot, I have no gun, I not armed!” yelled Torrisi fearfully.50

“Drop to your knees and interlock your fingers behind your head. Do it now!” commanded another officer.51

Dropping to his knees in compliance with the order, Torrisi locked his fingers behind his head. The officer quickly stepped forward, placing the handcuffs on Torrisi. Hunter and the others secured the un-injured hostages and checked on Alpha team who were fine, but still somewhat disoriented.52

“Building cleared and hostages secured. I repeat, building cleared and hostages secured. We have one in custody and are coming out.” stated Hunter into his radio.53

Moments later the officers emerged from the house, bringing with them the two females, and Torrisi in handcuffs. Sgt Hunter keyed up on the radio so all of the officers could hear him.54

“Great job men, mission accomplished, and no friendlys injured. Another successful day on the job boys.”

Author notes

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 29 of 29

  • George W. Bush
    November 22
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    Alright!!!!

    As mentioned in the previous comments, there aren't many action stories on Story Write, and I thought you did a very good job with keeping the story moving. To be completely honest, "bad guy" sounded a little lame, and the racket they made as they broke into the house would have alerted the criminals more than a standard lockpick, but as you said, it was more exciting the explosive way.

    The story was extremely descriptive, and you took great pains to describe the officers. You don't play the SWAT games by any chance do you?

    This was good! I really enjoyed reading this. I liked the ending it was good! Anyways. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.


  • chiapet
    November 2
    Edit | Reply
    very good!!!


  • DanQnA gold member
    October 21

    Edit | Reply

    Well done

    As mentioned in the previous comments, there aren't many action stories on Story Write, and I thought you did a very good job with keeping the story moving. To be completely honest, "bad guy" sounded a little lame, and the racket they made as they broke into the house would have alerted the criminals more than a standard lockpick, but as you said, it was more exciting the explosive way.

    The story was extremely descriptive, and you took great pains to describe the officers. You don't play the SWAT games by any chance do you?


  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    October 7

    Edit | Reply
    This was good! I really enjoyed reading this. I liked the ending it was good! Anyways. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.


  • togokite
    October 6

    Edit | Reply
    Great read. Action packed and great flow. I loved that you had done some research it showed and it all felt complete. I agree with the comment posted on here about changing "bad guy" to charlie or bogeys, lol or whatever it is they use. Awesome job!


  • black lace
    October 3

    Edit | Reply
    two things try calling the females wictims and they would most likely use rams but other then that it was really well written. You are either really smart or you did your homework nice job.
    -Aregato

    • ZackTruel
      October 4
      Edit | Reply
      Hey, thanks a lot for the comment!

      When it comes to the females, they are usually called hostages for as long as the men have them in their custody. Once they are freed or killed they are called victims...

      About the rams, you are right, in this case they would probably not use charges, but that part of the story just seemed more exciting with charges then rams. Great observation though!

      About your final comment, I took a lot of it from my prior knowledge, and the stuff I wasn't sure about(eg. gun names ect...) I researched.


  • Ranooosha
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    ranooona

    hi, this is a very good story!!
    i don't like it
    i love it
    did all your contests ended?
    bye and please reply!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • lesbian-in-love
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    This was really good and very interesting. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.


  • corrupthoughts
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    Hello! Ok, Im just gonna mention a few little things I found before I go blabbing about what I liked..

    para 7 - having the word 'adjacent' so close together seems to read a little awkward. Personally, I would change the second adjacent to 'opposite', since its proper speech for a Sgt. to use the term adjacent.

    para 12 - should be a comma after the word 'discussion' in the third line.

    para 13 & 14 - I am acutally not sure about this at all.. so I may be really wrong. Buuut, should it maybe be like '10-19' and '20-12'.. with the dashes, I mean..

    para 26 - do they still use the term 'charlie'? maybe you should say that, if they do, instead of 'bad-guy'?


    I didn't find many things because I was really engrossed with this. I loved the action and found it really well written, It was not hard for me to follow and I got clear, striaght-to-the-point images, which is hard to do with war-like senarios. I admired how you stayed true to their terms and stlyle of speech, even when they were not speaking, you were explaining in their POV with all the correct gun names and hand signals..

    I have not been on this site too long, but this is the best action story I have read thus far.. I liked it a lot, man.

    • ZackTruel
      September 27
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you so much for the compliment! I am glad that you enjoyed. I also changed a few of the things that you mentioned. Thanks for pointing those out. I was hoping that I could write this action story with a good visual description so people could visualize what they were reading. I am glad that it worked for you.

      When you get a chance read my "Knights of Honera Prelude"(makes sure it is the prelude and not chapter 1) story. It is very action packed and full of descritive violence as well.

  • maxpozhitsky
    September 1

    Edit | Reply
    In a story two teams are taking over house with the hostages. More officers are waiting outside for backup. I like it, lots of action.

    • ZackTruel
      September 1
      Edit | Reply
      The officer is waiting for medical personell in the back room with the officer that got shot. Not Police.

      Thanks for the comment!


  • Loopy Lou 1998
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this story quite alot. It is different from alot I have read before. A very entertaining read. louisethebeaver


  • AntarticFox
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    Not quite Warfare, So I can't count it (sorry ^^) but Still worth the read by any standards. fast paced and down to the dot with Details, brilliant work ~A Fox


  • HeartSxAnDxStripeS
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    A great story, very well written and I really liked that you had researched for the story, particularly with the names of guns. It was a very good story. Well done


  • UsagiDreams
    August 20
    Edit | Reply
    Well written and good luck in the contest.


  • Hloverofpeace
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    i've never really read a cop story, and so i have to give you kudos on that.. i didn't think i liked them until now. nothing to edit, well i didn't notice anything. very well written

    great writing!

    • ZackTruel
      August 12
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment. I am glad that you liked it! I tried to make it interesting enough to keep peoples attention. I know police stories aren't very popular on here, so I wanted mine to be a good one.

      Thanks for the comment!


  • Asfand
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    The Good:

    Overall, this story is rather well-written. Good editting, with little or no mistakes ... I would suggest more use of creative phrasing and imgery to create scenes, however, that's just my personal taste speaking.

    As a person of little to know 'SWAT details knowledge' I think you really pulled this off well. I could imagine alll of the scenes pplaying before my mental eye to create a vivid picture ... and I think you did a really nice job with the concept.

    The actions was fast-paced and interesting. You dialogue was another excellent point, apart form a few awkward phrases, it really had a military/police feel to it that was thrilling to read ~

    Nice job on this ~


    The Criticism:

    I suggest that one the whole this story seems a bit - empty - what you lack, in my humble opinion is character. I suggest chosing and sticking to a certain person's POV. Any - or perhaps keep flitting between different POVS.

    The concept is great but to do it justice, you need emotional impact within this ... make the characters real, let there be fear of death, fear of failure etc ...


    Some nitpicks:


    P1: Four men with two hostages,[-] it was a

    The negotiator frowned[,] setting the phone down, an all too familiar site[sight].

    P4: Change the 'we have' and 'it is' to we've and it's - in normal dialogue it's best to be as fluent and natural as possible ...

    P50: fearfully in broken English. [we can see it's broken from the dialogue, let it work alone without unnecessary suppor]

    Overalll - great job on this Zack!

    • ZackTruel
      August 10
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for this detailed comment! I have made some of the "nitpick" changes that you suggested. Thanks again for taking the time to comment on my story.


  • shtwyturtle
    August 8

    Edit | Reply
    Very good job... only I found a few things which I might have changed. Well... actually it was one.
    If you're going to make your character say: “It has been three hours now...” in the beggining, then this line: "Three hours had passed and still no progress. ", the first line, is completely unnecessary. I like it a whole lot though. Good job.

    • ZackTruel
      August 9
      Edit | Reply
      Hey, thanks a lot for the suggestion. I went ahead and changed it. It is very helpful to get feedback from others. A lot of times they see things that you overlooked.

      Thanks again, and I am glad you liked it.

  • Marta gold member
    August 8
    Edit | Reply
    Cop stories are always my favorite and you did a great job here. Kudos to you.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • ZackTruel
      August 9
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you so much! I tried to make it as realistic and detailed as possible. I am glad you liked it.


  • Whipper Snapper silver member
    August 6
    Edit | Reply
    Very cool and action-ey. Good luck in the contest!

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