1
Crimson Moon rises on the sky proudly. It chokes down the shine of the nearest stars, almost as bright as the sun. Jagoda and Lilly stand in the garden, looking at each other. They are rady for the rite thay perform once a month, during the first night of the Full Moon. 23
Jagoda lights a big light blue candle, and gives it to Lilly. Both of them wear light blue dreases. The night is bright and warm, the gale whispers gently. Lilly goes to the east, and lights the first candle. This time she’s the only one singing quietly, and the words call the Earth itself. 4
’’Rise East, holder of the power of the birth.’’5
She makes the first line, and goes back to her mother. Then she continues due west, where she lights another candle.6
’’Rise West, guardian of the dead.’’7
Lilly returns once again. After a brief pause she goes to the north. Another candle starts burning, another silent line is created.8
’’Rise North, father of all the waters.’’9
And she lights the last flame, to the south.10
’’Rise South, home of the fire.’’11
Back in the center, she closes her eyes, and concentrates. Blue lines like silky lightnings flicker from the ground to form a star inside of a circle. Jagoda looks at the Moon, while Lilly continues to sing. 12
Luna, goddess of the Night13
Mistress of all the waters14
Grant me your power15
To honer the eternal balance16
Tonight you are at your peak17
And the elements can not resist you18
Luna, goddess of the Night19
Hear my plea, and heal the sick20
Bring rains to thirsty 21
Luna, call your childern22
Do not let them make harm23
That can not be repaired24
Watch over them.25
Lilly ends her song calling the flame from the ground with her hands, making the water beneath to move. Blue fire, cold and fresh, rises from the thin lines encircling the witches. Shadows play in it, then free themselves, and melt into the night. Lilly leads them, as Jagoda carefuly watches her. She knows that her daughter will take them where they are needed, to make some good.26
Only puppits for Lilly, the shadows go where she commands them. Her might keeps them under her will, and she sings to them silently, guiding their every move. One shadow goes toward the bridge over the Sava river, where a young girl stands, wanting to end her life. The shadow embraces her, healing her soul. She goes home. The second one goes to the hospital, where a young woman prays to God to save her ill child. It seeps into the little boy, making him much better. He will live to see his own children growing up. 2728
The last two shadows she sends to the old, abandond house. In there one can find two big wolves. The bigger one walks restlessly. He’s filled with anger, and the hunger is biting him again. The smaller one is lying on the floor, badly injured. Contrary to the old beleave, werewolves can be killed. One doesn’t have to use the silver bullets to do that. Thay are tough, and not easily killed, but it can be done. Right now, Alex is laying in the pool of his own blood breathing slowly, and with a strain. 29
One of the shadows covers his tortured body. Pleasurable coolnes leaks into him, waking him from a dreamless sleep. His wounds start to heal quickly. There will be an ugly scar, but he will live. The other shadow dissapirs into the bigger wolf, calming it. It takes away his anger, it cures him of his hunger. Boyan lies next to Alex, and falls asleep. 30
Neither Alex nor Boyan are aware of the man standing in the yard outside the house. He is watching through the cracks of the blinds for some time now. He clearly sees the shadows, the elements, and he sees where thay came from. Following the trail before it dissapears, he goes away leaving the wolves alone.31
************* 32
Night slowly turnes into day. Gray line on the east announces the rise of the sun. The Moon is gone. It’s pressure on the two wolves has subsided, and now they are sleeping deep, and refreshing dreams. They are no longer it’s slaves, not at this moment of the dawn.33
Lilly wakes up and leaves the bed. Trying not to disturb her mother, she leaves the house wearing only huge white t-shirt she was sleeping in. With her bare feet she feels the morning dew. It’s tickling her, filled with the Moon’s strenght. Lilly goes to the big beech, stoping when under her branches. 34
She closes her eyes and puts her hands on the smooth bark. Beneath it she feels vigorous life force. That tree will be here long after she’s gone to dust. Her strenght is inexhaustible. Lilly follows the strams of her juices from the root all the way up to the thinest of branches. And than back into the ground. She tracks down the deep roots, going ever deeper into the Earth. The beech is being fed by the Mother herself.35
She feels the golden green power filling her, while the energy of the water poors into her blood. Her skin is warming, her blood is hot. Her hair stands upright, waving though there is no wind this morning. Through her hands, life of the tree enters her body, circulates through it, and returns to the ground passing her bare feet. Lilly wonders throught the underground, unaware of the surroundings.36
A man with the cap pulled deep on his face is watching her, hidden behind a linden tree just outside the fence. His eyes are glowing. Trace of the water elements lead him here, to this forgotten house deep in the forests of Avala. His painful walk payed off. He found a person as powerful as he’s ever seen.37
He can clearly see the golden green aura around the witch. Lilly is filled with crude power of the nature. That energy sings a beautiful song to him. A witch, a mortal, so young yet so powerful. Who could have known that Belgrade would grow one of the greatest witches ever? He smiles happily, revealing a set of very sharp crystal like teeth. 38
Lilly opens her eyes dreamilly. To the man they seem to be green, thought they aren’t really. She grounds excess energy returning it to Earth, or she would probably go insane. Her mind works fast, making her aware of everything that's around her.39
Lilly feels the hidden watcher. She turns her sight towards him, and althought he’s sure that she can’t see him with her eyes, he also knows that it’s not possible to elude the girl’s perception of the world at the moment. Lilly sees his shadow as she would if it was right in front of her. Great shadow, dark in the core, engulfed in silver. She can’t see who he is, nor how he looks, but she know’s that he’s there. Lilly knows that it’s a man, and she can feel the immense magic inside him.40
But as much as she would like to learn more about the stranger, something else gets her attention. Something much further. She turns her back to the man, she knows he wan’t harm her. Lilly points all her sences towards Belgrade, shielded by Avala. And there a hungry, uncontrolable beast is waking up. 41
In the house, Boyan stands up. Lilly feels him, but he can feel her too. He starts to growl. Something unspeakable is observing him, and he doesn’t like that at all. Besides, the hunger is getting stronger by the minute. He looks at Alex. He’s lying, healed but week. He should take care of the food, he should bring him something. Those thoughts are not clear, only a ragged pictures in his tormented mind. 42
The man follows Lilly’s trail of thoughts. It’s easy, that trail is made of gold and it's as bright as the sun. His smile grows wider. She felt the werewolves, and their life force so much different than that of a human. He turnes his attention to the wolves himself, feeling that one is going away from the other. His smile vanishes as he tries to break loose from the alluring witch. The wolf is going to kill. He’ll kill a human, and he is not there to prevent it.43
The anger he feels toward himself is endless, and it catches Lilly’s attention. She stops following the strengh she felt in the city, and once again turns to watch the linden tree. His anger is bright red, and she can feel that he hates himself with a passion. Lilly feels him going away, running, and she lets him leave.44
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Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Lil Janie
i like the story it was good. good job

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you very much for the nice comment, and the clappies
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The paragraph numbering is a bit messed up for some reason. The first paragraph is the very first, not where the story marks it as 1. Here's some comments I've got for this piece:
P1: 'rady for the rite thay perform once a month'...'rady' should be 'ready' and 'thay' should be 'they.'
P2: 'dreases'...Should be 'dresses.'
P2: 'the gale whispers gently'...Isn't whispering already 'gently'? That's what whispering is: talking gently. Get rid of 'gently.'
P10: 'continues to sing'...I suggest saying 'continues singing' instead.
P14: 'honer'...Should be 'honor.'
P16: 'can not'...Should be 'cannot.'
P20: 'childern'...Should be 'children.'
P24: 'making the water beneath to move'...Take out 'to.'
P24: 'rises from the thin lines encircling the witches'...A comma is needed after 'lines.'
P24: 'carefuly'...Should be 'carefully.'
P24: 'to make some good'...Usually this is phrased 'to do good' or 'to do some good.'
P25: 'puppits'...Should be 'puppets.'
P25: 'it seeps into the little boy, making him much better. He will live to see his own children growing up'...It is safe to take out 'making him much better.' 'He will live to see his own children growing up' contains 'making him much better' in itself.
P26: 'abandond'...Should be abandoned.
P26: 'beleave'...Should be 'belief.'
P26: 'one doesn’t have to use the silver bullets to do that'...This can be rephrased more simply as 'Silver bullets aren't needed.'
P26: 'thay are tough, and not easily killed, but it can be done'...This isn't needed. The previous sentences say this.
P26: 'right now, Alex is laying in the pool of his own blood breathing slowly, and with a strain'...I suggest rephrasing this to something like 'Alex is lying in a pool of his own blood, barely breathing.'
P27: 'pleasurable coolnes leaks into him, waking him from a dreamless sleep'...'coolnes' should be 'coolness,' and 'pleasurable' isn't needed.
P27: 'dissapirs'...Should be 'disappears.'
P28: 'thay'...Should be 'they.'
P28: 'dissapears, he goes away leaving the wolves alone'...'dissapears' should be 'disappears', and a comma is needed after 'away.'
That's all for now! So far the story is good, with interesting events and good description. It is only the language that needs to be improved upon.
Best of luck,
Cubby

beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, characters: 4.
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What a great story, I love the supernatual werewolves vampires are some of my favourite characters.
I did notice though that you in paragraph 28 you said week instead of weak
The beginning is fast paced, you go straight into the story from the first part/chapter. It kept me reading the story and wanting to read the rest. I liked your title very much.
I liked the way you introduced your main characters and the way you use imagy. I quess if I were in the werewolves situtation I would feel the same way, yes they are very realistic.
The plot is well developed and rounded out it's easy to read flows beautifully at a steady pace. the dialog is very realistic on the whole a great story.
I enjoyed reading your story very much. A well rounded ending you tied up all the loose ends

beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Thank you so much for such a nice comment! You spent a lot of your time to read it all. Thank you!
I'll add another part very soon, probably in a few days. I would like to get a few more reads of the parts posted so far, and I do need to translate it to English.
One warning though - there will be lot of blood from now on, so I hope that you (and the rest of the readers) don't mind
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