Introduction1
The maze of roses was dreadfully silent as the full moon rose overhead. The maze was about 8 feel high and covered 4,000 square feet of the property. The fragrance that arose was so wonderful even the most awful being would enjoy it. Thousands of roses wound their way through the maze, making it a gorgeous scene. Who could deny the beauty of this place?2
In the middle of the maze, by the fountain that had long ago been turned off and was covered in dead leaves and moss, was one lone person. Her name, though long forgotten, was Joan. Her long dark hair hung down in knots from her head, appearing as if it hadn’t ever been cut or combed. Her forest green eyes appeared to be distant, lost in another world of mystery. Her clothes were raggedy and filthy with a stench that filled the air around her.3
In Joan’s hand was a single rose; white with pink tips. As if in slow motion, it dropped to the ground, a drop of blood following it for her index finger had been pricked by a thorn. Her face remained motionless, not feeling any pain or sorrow or anguish or regret, still just distant as if she was off in another place… another world. The petals from the rose began to dislodge themselves from the rose and a small gust of wind would blow them away.4
There was no savior for Joan – no one to wake her from her sleep. None knew what was happening with her… in the deep space called her mind. Where was she? When would she return? How did all of this happen? Why… her?5
By: Sharcu(Tim)6
Author notes
I wrote this one for my Creative Writing class last spring. I haven't worked on this story since. This is only the introduction.
Any ideas for the titles would be appreciated 
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Cool
Hey i really do like this but it isnt what i am looking for, you aknowledged that you made a mistake so i wont take the piss outa ya, i am just so damn sick of people not getting what i am looking for. ya know. Doesnt anyone get the gist of REAL LIFE anymore. anyway i do like this, it is a similer style to how i write at times, sozzy but i wont qualify it,
Thanks for the effort you put in, yours beccabeginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, overall: 7, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 2.
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wow, this was a very wonderful write pure emotion and feeling do keep writing, i will read more!!!! anway thanks for sharing you did a wonderful job, keep it up. Peace to ya
~Beth -
Thanks for the wonderful comment! I'm glad you liked it.
--Tim
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WONDERFUL POEM
Wow this was a very heartfelt write. You put so much emotion into this. The imagary was fantastic. It made it seem I was right there with her. Thanks for sharing. It deserved to be on of the winners. CONGRATULATIONS Take care and God Bless you , Sandy
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Joan kind of sounds like a gypsy or something. I also like the mystery of your introduction. Not a lot to it, but it draws the reader in nonetheless. Thanks for entering and good luck.
P.S. Sorry it is taking so long to judge this contest. I've had a million entries and I'm trying to read and comment on all so needless to say it's a bit time consuming
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Hm, a title huh...how about something semi-mysterious...like "A Petal Drops" or just "Thorns." Just ideas...I'm sure you'll come up with something brilliant eventually
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Thanks so much for you nice, long comment. Thanks for your advice on this piece. I'm not sure if I will have more coming. Whenever I seem to write longer pieces, which is what this would be with more parts, it wouldn't be as good. Plus, I wrote tihs a while ago, so to get into the thought process and character again might be hard. We'll see.... I have a little more written, but I haven't posted it yet.
Also, any ideas on a title? -
A very vivid and mysterious picture...my biggest complaint is that it's too short - I want to know more! The idea of a rose of mazes with a girl lost in time in its heart is really a catching image. There were a couple of awkward phrases and a couple of typos I'd like to point out to you. The sentence "A smell always arose of such a fragrance that even the most awful being would enjoy." is just awkward to read...maybe try something like "The fragrance that arose was so wonderful even the most [insert adjective like awful, base, etc] being would enjoy it." And the sentence "In the middle of the maze was a fountain, though it had long ago been turned off and was covered in dead leaves and moss, was one lone person." has too many thoughts in it to be a single sentence. The aside you added between the comments is fine, but if you take it out the sentence reads "In the middle of the maze was a fountain was one lone person." which is not grammatically correct. Try something along the lines of "In the middle of the maze, by the fountain that had long ago been turned off and was covered in dead leaves and moss, was one lone person." Play with wordings until you find something you really like And typos...in the second to last paragraph you have the flower's "peddles" when it should be "petals." And in that same paragraph, you have "win" instead of "wind." Anyways, very intriguing write; is there any more forthcoming?
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the lady in the maze
This is full of mystery and intriguing imagery, a good tale
to continue , well weaved , . -
I would do that, except that the commas, in english, are suppose to go there. It's something in english, I correct the name though. That is like a seperate part of the sentence, a sentence insert, that could be taken out and the sentence would still make sense. Thanks for the suggestion, though.
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This is a good start, very interesting. You have me curious now. Just one suggestion about this sentence:
"In the middle of the maze was a fountain, though it had long ago been turned off and was covered in dead leaves and moss, was one lone person."
It seems to be a little confusing and I had to read it twice before getting it. I think if you pucuated it like the below sentence, it may help.
"In the middle of the maze was a fountain--though it had long ago been turned off and was covered in dead leaves and moss--was one lone person."
Thanks. Paggles
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Thanks for the advice and thanks for taking the time to read my work. I'd have more stories in here, but now that I'm not a silver member anymore, I can't post all I want... arg... I have so much to post today and now I can't do it. I've been commenting on so many poems and now when I have to comment on stuff to be able to post stuff, it seems like a lot of work. Thanks again.
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"Her long dark hair hung down in knots from her head"
That line, that's just incredible.
There's a few lines in there that could do with a bit of cleaning up, but aside from that, definately one to carry on with i think!
I'll head to take a look at your other stories tomorrow! -
Thanks for the nice compliment. It's really encouraging to know that other people like my work. Feel free to read my other stories.
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That was Fantastic!
I loved it!
You should try to keep on writing it... it would make a very good story.... Mysterious, creepy, sad... but very well written
if you write more on it.. please send me a message to come by and read it
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