Taking Rayne

I twiddled the pen in my hand and leaned closer to image on my computer screen. A little girl looked back at me innocently, beaming for the camera. She held up a butterfly to me as if to offer it for me to take. I gently touched the screen with one slender finger over her nose. She'd be mine, my little girl to cherish. I smiled lovingly at her and clicked over to my cameras. My fan whirred over head as I brought up the twin screens that showed what my cameras saw. A brick and siding house stood in view, back-dropped by a span of woods. I eagerly clicked zoom and watched as the camera closed in on one large window. 1

"Rayne, my darling, mommy is watching you!" I said, emotion grabbing at my heart. She was so pretty, just like her mommy. We had the same chestnut hair, the same twinkling hazel eyes. I sighed and leaned back, content to just watch my darling play with her dolls. I could see her mouthing words as she took on the roles of each of them. I laughed when she laughed, loving her expressions. 2

Rayne suddenly looked behind her, terror filling her face. I jumped up and made the camera zoom more, panic bubbling within me. My baby was in danger! I grabbed my cell phone and was about to call for the police when I saw her face relax into laughter. Her brother, step-brother, I reminded myself, walked into the room with a sheet over him. 3

"Damn kid," I said, calming myself and easing my trembling thumb away from the send button, "Always scaring my poor Rayne. Another reason I have to get her back." I stared thoughtfully at the two of them playing. Rayne was mine, and she took her away from me! I glared hatefully at the woman who walked in, smiling at Rayne and her brother's antics. My upper lip curled. Iana had taken my baby away from me in the hospital and then told me she had died. My eyes worked fine, I could plainly see that my baby was alive and well. In her home, calling her "mommy," telling her "Mommy, I love you!" I gnashed my teeth and angrily shut off the camera. 4

I got out of my chair and stomped the the bathroom, reaching for my pills in the medicine cabinet. I swallowed two, then stared intently at my own reflection. Madness burned in my eyes and I turned my gaze away. Pathetic, I wasn't even able to meet my own eyes. How would I  meet Rayne's when the time came? A bottle of hair dye caught my attention, and a memory began to surface. A flash of blonde hair trailing from my head...the bottle sailed across the bathroom when my hand met its slick side. Light brown liquid oozed across the floor. My hair was my own, I assured myself. Nodding decidedly, I primped and then grabbed my wallet and keys. Rayne would be going to her dance recital soon, and I wouldn't miss it for the world. Rayne would be coming home with me at last.5

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The auditorium was dark when I got there, rushing in to get a seat as the curtains rose and applause broke out. My Rayne beamed from the front row of dancers. She was the best six-year-old the studio ever had, her teacher had exclaimed to me when I inquired about Rayne. I could see why. The audience hushed, and I leaned forward, hands clasped, as the music began. Soft orchestral tones filled me as my little girl leaped and danced flawlessly across the stage with the others. She shined so brightly above the others that I did not, and could not, take my eyes of of her. A fire would not have distracted me. Tears coursed silently down my face as love for her and awe consumed my throbbing heart. This little angel was mine, all mine! I praised God for allowing me to birth such a divine creature. 7

 The music finally ended, and the dancers took a bow. I stood up and clapped as hard as I could, now trying to hold back my tears of joy. Rayne lead everyone off stage and I hurried out to the lobby, forcing my way through the throng of people. My baby would be looking for me! I clutched the flowers I had managed to snag from a stand on my way there and made my way back to where the dressing rooms were. Little squealing girls ran past me, still in their tutus and ballet slippers. I paid them not a glance as I searched the crowd for my Rayne. There she was! She was still flushed  from her recital and her eyes searched the crowd. I had parked my car a few feet from the exit that stood behind her, and my breath quickened in anticipation. This was it!8

"Rayne, honey?" I said, coming to stand before her. She looked up at me curiously, hesitantly smiling at me. I hesitated for a moment, then found my resolve. I smiled gently and handed her the flowers, quickly taking her hand and leading her towards the door. Parents had jammed themselves near us, congratulating their kids. 9

 "Rayne? Rayne, sweetie? Where are you?" It was that damned bitch Iana! I looked around, and saw that we were effectively hidden behind the other parents. It was then that I hurriedly took her outside. Iana would not take my baby away from me again. 10

 "Who are you? Lady, where's my mommy?" Rayne asked me, and pain ate at my heart. She didn't even know who I was! She would, though. She would come to love me and call me "mommy" and say "Mommy, I love you!" I smiled encouragingly at her and opened the passenger side door. I didn't answer her. She struggled against my hold then, finally realizing that something was wrong. Ah, the innocence of childhood. 11

"Darling, why are you doing this? We'll have fun, I promise!" My Rayne would have nothing about it and opened her mouth to scream. Panicked, I clamped a hand over her mouth and quickly buckled her into the seat, slamming the door. I jumped in on my side and locked the doors. She pounded her fists against the glass and screamed. The sound hurt my ears, but her simple presence was enough to make up for that and her actions. I beamed at her and shushed her until she calmed down, curling awkwardly around herself in the seat, whimpering.12

"Rayne, honey. This will be great! We're together at last! I have all your favorite toys, the ones your...," I choked over the last word,"...mom wouldn't let you have. That'll be fun, hmm?" She glanced at me from underneath her perfect lashes and nodded slowly. "You can talk to your...mom...after you have a chance to play with the toys, okay?" I smiled encouragingly at her again before turning my attention back to the road. "That's my girl, that's my Rayne."13

*        *        *        14

The new reports are still calling Rayne's disappearance "a mystery" and "an unsolvable crime" to this day, a month after I saved Rayne. I can't help but feel proud. I have thwarted Iana and finally regained what was mine. I finger the coldness of the key around my neck and feel happiness flow through me, along with a contrasting feeling of regret. Rayne threw a fit a few weeks ago when I forbade her to talk to her "other mom." She told me she hated me! To make sure she understood I was her mommy, not that fake bitch, I locked her in her room and only opened it to give her food. Rayne doesn't smile anymore, and that slays me, but the most important thing is that she stays with me. Rayne is mine, and will be forever mine. Not Iana's. 15

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I gave birth to her! I cooed over her when I demanded they give her to me, even though they told me that she was....I held her in my arms, and ignored the fact that she never cried her first cry. I only cared about her soft baby skin and the feel of her warmth against my sweaty forehead. I loved her. Iana then came over, telling me that they needed to take her away for awhile. After an hour, my baby wasn't brought back. I screamed and screamed when she told me she had died just before she came from the womb. She could not have saved her, an "unfortunate and unforeseen complication,"she said.
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"Liar!" I screamed in her face, spittle landing to slide thickly down her face. "You took her from me! Where is my Rayne?!" 18

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At the memory, my mind clouds in anger and I grip the key tightly, the edges digging into my palm. I can hear Rayne crying in her room, and I begin to cry along with her, clutching at myself in grief. Rayne may be with me, but she can never be mine again. Iana has her too tightly attached to her. Rayne, my poor baby. I can't let her be with that woman again. My own baby hates me. We can be together, but not here, not in life. My mind caught up with itself. I knew what I had to do. 20

*        *        *        21

Night falls and I watch the moon rise with the stars. I hold back my tears and slowly walk to Rayne's room, removing the key from around my neck. It has to be done. I can hear her deep breathing when I press my ear against the door, so I know she is asleep. Opening the door, I creep across to her bed and grimly grab a pillow, thinking once more of Iana. Earlier, I sent a letter to her house, explaining everything. Everything. Tonight has to be the night Rayne and I are finally together as mother and daughter. Iana won't be able to keep her from me ever again. 22

I silently start to cry as I bring the pillow to cover my Rayne's innocent, tear-streaked face. I pin her legs and arms down as I begin to press down on the pillow. It doesn't take long for her to wake up and begin to struggle. Muffled screams reach my ears and I almost pull back, almost rip the pillow from her face and tell her that I'm sorry. Almost. Instead, I press harder and sob as her struggles eventually cease. Shaking, I pull the pillow from her face and stare into her blank, staring eyes. I gulp down my tears and grab my medicine from my pocket. There is no turning back now. I down the bottle and lay beside her, cradling my baby in my arms. 23

Blackness eats at my vision and I know she is waiting for me on the other side, waiting to be reunited with me, to finally call me  "mommy" and tell me "Mommy, I love you!" 24