My Crooked Easel by Asfand at Story write

The bristles of my brush5

are dipped in red-yellow6

the hue spreads7

its arms across8

the canvas,9

like a vast10

ocean of11

colors.12

I paint this picture,14

of something unseen15

and witness my life:16

unfolding.17

I am four,22

picking up toys,23

two rubber ducks,24

a green one,25

and an orange - 26

I like the orange 27

best - a train,28

a teddy too.29

I peer at them,31

a star of curiosity32

twinkling in my33

eye. 34

I play,36

the way I play,37

lining them up38

one after39

the other.40

It takes a few42

minutes, but 43

soon I they44

are in a line,45

one after the46

other - just47

the way I like it.48

I take a bucket52

of blue, and dip in my53

brush, stir and stir,54

and then prop it55

back onto the56

canvas.57

Someone takes me61

to a place called school,62

where children63

cry and play,64

preparing;65

for the monotony66

of daily life. 67

Honey, be good okay,69

she says to me.70

It is what she says71

most often, time72

and time again. 73

I babble, head 75

rocking side to 76

side - and she 77

looks so sad. 78

Green.83

I have a bucket85

of green too.86

I like green,87

it reminds me88

of my rubber89

duck - I did not90

like her as91

much as92

the orange.93

But I miss
her now. 95

A white-coat99

is all I can see,100

hiding behind 101

her big purse.102

103

Something is 104

wrong with my son,105

and I need to know106

what it is - please,
she pleads107

sobbing. 108

109

I babble,110

to question her,111

and ask:112

why she 113

looks so114

sad. 115

116

Miss, your son117

is autistic,
the white-coat says118

that talking119

white-120

coat. 121

122

123

124

125

126

Blue is such127

a pretty color,128

the sky129

is blue,130

I think.131

132

I will put some133

blue spotches134

here.135

136

They will137

show, the bright
parts.138

139

140

141

142

Years later,143

I discover paint -144

put my hands 145

on a wet wall,146

and enjoy 147

the sticky148

feeling.149

150

It did not come151

off for a while.152

153

She got me some 154

paints, and I drew155

and I created.156

157

158

159

160

Black.161

162

There must163

always be some164

black - it is165

a good color.166

167

Not always
though. 168

169

170

I painted all day171

and through the 172

bejeweled night.173

174

Pretty colors,175

pretty paintings.176

177

She has grey hair178

now - almost 179

white and her skin,180

it is soft181

and wrinkled.182

183

I should just
iron my skin out,184

she says and 185

laughs.186

187

I do not know188

where the joke is. 189

190

191

192

193

White.194

195

It is the best color196

of all, I paint197

everything white.198

199

She is lying in her bed,200

still as stone,201

and grey - it has202

been a day atleast.203

204

She will get up205

soon to see my painting.206

207

I put a splotch of color208

here, and one there,209

and all over,210

till it looks211

like a polka-dotted212

bedsheet - the final213

touches.214

215

I stand back and frown,216

give my painting217

a good view,218

and my smile219

limps.220

221

My painting.222

223

224

It makes no sense. 225

226

227

228

229

230

231

232

233

234

235

Author notes

Inspired my a painting made by an autistic teenager.

Autism is a mental disability that restricts communication and interaction. There are stages and degrees, some are better than others. 6 out of a 1000 people are autistic. Sometimes, it is diagnosed till the child has already been through traumatic stressful situations. An awareness of this disease is very necessary to start treating it accordingly.

Symptoms include: head rocking, stacking and lining of objects and toys, sameness etc.

A contest entry

Prose Poetry by Kevan. 750 points, ended September 22, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Luci Ferraris
August 29

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I'm not recalling something that's said before me in another comment. With most of the comments I agree.
I will only write one word down that will say enough about your writing.

Masterpiece.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
Benwater
August 26

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Hahaha! Wow! Really good! Chills went up my spine. I read a book last year - I can't recall the title - but it was about an autistic teenager and what he had to deal with in everyday life. What seems like ordinary to us is unimaginably difficult for them.

I could tell that you know a lot about the subject, and that is definately a huge plus. When the author is informed, it shows in his writings. It seemed... complete somehow. As a reader, that is all you can ask for

Thanks for the read!
Hloverofpeace
August 11

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This is amazing. Any reader can feel this, and that's the beauty of poetry.

thank you for entering,
i really enjoyed this.
Tricia3
August 9
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You amaze me!

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
Melancholic Smile
August 9

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Oh my gosh, this is amazing, I am so glad I read it

I have a friend who's son is 7 and autistic, only recently diagnosed and he shares a couple of the same behaviour patterns. Very focussed on the same toys all the time, has a particular way he has to play with them, everything has to follow the exact same routine for him. Already takes everything literally and he too loves colour.

You just wrote this so beautifully and I have no criticisms to make at all. I loved the way you mixed the child's POV, the mother's story and the painting all together.

The end was really sad, it pulled at my heart strings. I felt really sorry for the little boy and yet at the same time happy he had such a love of something in his life.

It was just wonderful, well done on such a good write
therenaissancegirl
August 8
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A masterpiece.
Lady Eventide
August 8

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When I was first starting this, I was thinking: I haven't the slightest idea what to look for in poetry, to see if it's any good. Well, in reading this, I must say that I found out.

I know a little boy who has autism. He's as sweet as can be! As I was reading this, I thought about him. Your poetry really pulled at my heartstrings, Asfand.

So many colors...and so much beauty. Well done yet again!!!

Suggestions:

Par 44: soon I they [soon they]
Par 99: A white-coat [leave out hyphen unless noun follows]
FkaFatima
August 8
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One Word.
Amazing
sodancewithsoda
August 8

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wonderful
Poetic, yet, it tells a story - a heart tugging one, at that. Although autism is something I'm not as familiar with (I know no one who is autistic), I have heard of it, and reading it told this way made it more real... and somewhat seemingly personal.

I like how you narrated it this way, showing colors and dropping hints about the child's "status" even from the beginning. I especially love how the colors are associated with his life, and love.. and the mother.

Good luck with the contest and thanks for sharing this BEAUTIFUL, btw.
UsagiDreams
August 7
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Good poem! Good luck in the contest!
Lauren Noir
August 7

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One thing I'm facinated by, it is colour. I love how it is used in writing, and the way you used it was so beautiful. You mangaed to take such a weighty subject, so many could shy away from. I liked how you weren't afraid.

Something I liked was all the different perspectives taken in it, it was like an over-all picture, very interesting and (pardon my flowery language now) It was kind of swirled, like an impressionist piece.

The title carries so much power, and a lot of relevance to the prose.

The last line cuts deep, and it can mean so many different thing from the perspecives of all the people, at first I thought it might have been from the child, but then I thought of it being from the mother or the doctors or someone simply looking at it, or at the child. It's a strange thing, autism. I don't think anyone will every truly understand it.

this is a very well thought out piece, I don't have any critiques to give.

~Lauren.
Lawrie
August 5

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I can't critique this wonderful piece as I don't know enough about the technicalities of poetry, but I can review it as a story, or should I say, narrative.

This is a wonderful achievement, both in visual impact and in story telling. It wasn't until I reached the part:-

I play,
the way I play,
lining them up
one after
the other

that I realized this was about an autistic child.

From that point on I was drawn in to the visual descriptive scenes showing me the life and travails of the child/adult.

A wonderful piece of skilled writing, the kind that I would not even contemplate doing for the simple but effective reason that it is beyond my skill to do so.

Well done
- Asfand
  August 5
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  Thank your very much Lawrie. I'm very passionate when it comes to these things, I have a cousin who has a mental disability, not autism I believe ... and I have seen the troubles and pain my Aunt still goes through for her daughter ... it's amazing how people have the courage to do that everyday ... when I learned about Autistic children and there 'igenuity' in various fields, that just really struck a chord ...
  
  Anyway, glad you like it!
L-change-the-world
August 5

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Cute
It's wonderful... you're not making fun of anybody. I know a few autistic people. One is my neighbor, and there are three at my school. THey are all very nice, and I hate when people make fun of them. They're people, too. They have feelings. Your poem is beautiful! I like the form of it, too. It flows.
So Strange
August 5

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I think this seemed very realistic. I think it was in how you lined it... it seemed like I've seen it with such people, and how they deal with it. I think the poem is a very long one, but seeing as it's more of a poetic story, it's rather long for a poem, but there is nothing wrong with that, because I usually like long poems and stories, so long as I have the time to read it. I think the length within this piece is needed, personally... but you do have an interesting way of posting the various verses, the way they line up and all. The flow, for that matter, isn't as good as I think it could have been. But it was still a very good poem, I personally think, because it is very meaningful and heartfelt.

I enjoyed this writing of yours, and I wish to read more of your stuff soon, Asfand. I think your talent is a bright one... one that isn't going away soon, unless you purposely push it away.

Keep up the great work... but if you want some flow work, then that could do some work. Other then that, I didn't see anything that was bad at all. Though the flow isn't bad, it's just to where someone would read it and it would sound like fragments. Maybe that's just the style.
Prodigious.Mirth
August 3

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My sister has aspergers syndrome which is a branch of Autism. So I know first hand what it is like living with someone with the disease I also know how she sees things by the way she describes them and her actions. They are very obsessive about things and when they connect with something their creative and logical mind go wild. To be around a persona and to understand the disease is hard if you are not educated, but this poem was just like reading something out of my sisters head.

The way that you went about it, the style, the colors. The deep hidden meaning behind each word and verse. It really had me very impressed and almost in tears. On the verge. especially when you said the head rocking thing when adressing school. My ssiter used to waver her hands like she was flying and also rock her head back and forth. It just took me back to those days and was both a pleasant and a sorrowful trip down memory lane.

The few lines that really got to me were :
[ I should just
iron my skin out,
she says and laughs.

I do not know
where the joke is.]

I remember a time when we said to my sister that she was a barell of laughs and we all were laughing and she was not, and she turned to us and said - what barell. It stopped the laughing when we then realized that she did not take things in as well as us and most things to her had logical explinations.

Overall you have got it down pat my friend.
You should be proud.
I think this was something amazing.
My only bad feed back would be the way it is set out.
I hate having things all over the page cause for me it is hard to identify.

<3 Blair
SoundInkMusic
August 3

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The mixture of colors, images, and words all suited this poem to a T. From what I understand of autism, this sounds like a good representation of the subject. Everything in this piece contributed to it as a whole: the spacing, the time shifts, everything. Very nice piece you have here; thank you for sharing it with SW =)
Lady Pixie
August 3

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I was instantly drawn in to this with the style and flow that it was written in. You chose wonderful visuals and set in a sorrowed theme. It seems to have more impact with the poetical way you wrote this compared to if you had just wrote it as a story.

The ending choked me up a bit and nearly made me cry. Its deep and emotional.

Great job with this!
Catie Sheeran
August 3

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woops! I am originally from allpoetry and I have tons of points there...but I have absolutely none to give you an applause on storywrite...Im truely sorry...you really deserve some clappies for this piece.
Catie Sheeran
August 3
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I like being in the mind of another person..especially a child. They have such an imagination. I have never been around an autistic child or person for that matter. I have read a few books tho. it's intriguing. I love the write...tho, I have to point out that you have a slight typo in line 44. I think you just want to delete "I" in that line. It's funny how we miss that kind of stuff. but I only caught it the second time I read this story. great piece. and good luck to you
Andrew Timothy
August 2

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I have read this, Asfand, almost three times over now. It's intriguing, it's different in the way it's written, and it's - in a word - beautiful.

I really like the fact that you wrote this in an almost _unpoetical_ manner (if that can be said) and wrote it so that it flows more like a story than a poem. Then you held the poetical format, and that makes a huge difference for me. If it written in paragraphs instead of stanzas, I feel it would lose a lot of its influence.

And you wrote of autism in a such a way, in a past-and-present instrument, that it invokes sympathy in the reader. Great job.

There's a few grammatical errors here and there, so you may want to just go over those and clean 'em up a bit.
dancer.
August 2

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Wow. Prose certainly seems to be your thing! I love the words you used and how you told the story, even though that's the point, in prose.

The Green short prose in the middle of the story touched me the most! Mostly, because my best friend's younger (recently died) sibling had a orange duck. Before he died, he had painted it rainbow. It's really sad.

How you put autism in there was outstanding. It reaches out to the reacher's mind and instead of saying, "The boy...blah, blah, blah...was sadly, autisic." Though, story form is amazingly detailed, prose form seems to be able to push the basic jest into the reader's mind.

One thing, however, got to me...I know you don't have to, I know you probably aren't supposed to, but the punctuation when the doctor and the mother are speaking...is missing! But, that's just a random pet peeve of mine.

Your writing is shining and bright, like a new light bulb. It always has me either feeling extremely deep, or extremely...puzzled, but in a good way!!!

Most luck in Kevan's contest!

-dancer.
- Asfand
  August 2
  
  Edit | Reply
  
  Thanks a lot dancer! I really appreciate your input! I'm glad you like it!
- - dancer.
    August 2
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    Your welcome!
Rorshach
July 31

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I really liked the contrast between the artistic mind and the mundane reality, as described by the child.
This poem was as much about art as it was about autism. The urge to paint something with all those wonderful colours, a metaphor for the beauty that comes from the creative process.
Ghada Fikri
July 31
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Lovely! Simply lovely and very inspiring.
tonialoise
July 30

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p44 "soon I they" I think the I is extra here.

Very interesting. It's like a trip down memory lane that turned into a sad life. Yet it's happy in it's own way. Very interesting that it's bringing out so many emotions. I have a cousin that has autistic kids, one is super smart and talkative, the other is completely opposite. It amazes me how it effects each one differently, but all brilliant in their own way.
Orimis
July 30

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Very well done. My younger brother is autistic, so this strikes a special cord with me. I love the way you showed that the speaker was still a thinking, rationalizing individual despite the fact that he could not communicate in a way that his mom, or anyone else, could understand. Your alternation between reality and internal dialogue is just brilliant.
Marta
July 30
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Nicely written, you did a good job here and I enjoyed reading your poem.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
demonkitty
July 30
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I love your poem! I can see the colors so vividly! It's really good!
Glitflyer
July 30
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Nice and an awesome poem I would say..
It's really nice!

Great write!
Adele Ellen Bakker
July 30

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WOW!
I love that the way you scatter the poem over the page and change the text to denote different stages, with the thread of 'painting' to hold it all together. That 'randomness would quite possibly drive someone with autism to distraction but it works for me . Hard to say how realistic is is that the person reflects on thier life given people with autism 'apparently' have little connection with people/life around them, but I loved this poem.
lil.janie
July 30
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Beautiful poem!
The painting, the colours.... Everything.
Clary--Selene--Tayy
July 30
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oh kool Asfand! thats awesome