Through the Double Doors

Though Friday had dawned clear and sunny, by early afternoon the day had turned cloudy and drizzly. The streets were darkened with rainwater, and everything seemed gloomier than usual.1

The weather matched Paul’s mood. He tore himself away from the window and sat down in one of the uncomfortable blue plastic chairs in the waiting room at Miami Children's Hospital. He tried to occupy himself by reading a book, but after reading the same sentence over and over seven times it was obvious that he was having trouble concentrating. He couldn’t bear to wait any longer; he needed to know if his little girl was going to be okay.2

He stormed up to the reception desk and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. His voice came out louder than he had intended and he seemed to scare the receptionist. 3

Her reply was quiet and stuttered: “Sorry Sir, these things take time. Your daughter needs to undergo several tests, and when we know the results we will let you know. In the meantime I…I think you should go sit down and just keep yourself occupied. You will see your daughter soon enough.”4

Paul went back to his chair by the window and looked up at the television hanging in the corner of the room. It was tuned to the Home and Garden Channel. There would be no point in trying to change the channel; several elderly women were engrossed in learning about how to arrange flowers in their gardens. He glanced at the clock on the wall to see that only thirteen minutes had passed since he last saw Lauren wheeled through the double doors accompanied by her mother, Paul’s wife. He had tried to go with them, but the rules were strict and only allowed one parent to accompany a child through the tests.5

* * *6

Lauren burst through the double doors and into the waiting room where her father was sitting. She jumped into his lap and gave him a great big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Paul was surprised to see her so soon, but welcomed the long missed affection. It seemed like he hadn’t seen her in months.7

“Daddy the doctors say I’m okay! We get to go home now and we can eat ice cream and play in the sandbox in the backyard!” Lauren flashed her biggest smile at her father, who returned one just as large. “Can we go now Daddy?”8

Paul seemed unable to speak for some reason.9

“Daddy? Daddy??” she asked. She paused before trying, “Paul?”10

It seemed odd that his daughter would call him by his first name. Something wasn’t right here.11

“Paul? Paul Marconi?” Lauren’s voice seemed to change. It didn’t sound familiar.12

Paul woke with a start to see a doctor with a clipboard standing over him.13

“Are you Paul Marconi?” he asked. 14

Paul managed a nod. The doctor continued to speak to Paul but after the second sentence Paul’s head was spinning and he couldn’t concentrate on the words coming out of the doctor’s mouth.15

The doctor’s initial sentence was one of those things that doctors say to try to make bad news sound better than it is: “There are several options to treat Lauren’s condition.” He continued with, “However, whichever path we choose, the cancer will still prove terminal. She has a rare type of liver cancer, called Hepatoblastoma, and unfortunately we didn’t catch it soon enough, and it has progressed and spread to other organs in her body. We can start her on chemotherapy, which gives us the possibility of extending her life, but at this point I’m sorry to say that there is nothing that can cure your daughter.”16

Paul didn’t know where to look or what to do. He felt like he should say something, but the lump in his throat was preventing words from escaping his mouth. He managed to get out, “How long?” before bursting into tears.17

“Well, it’s hard to say. I’d give her somewhere around three months. With Chemo, we could be looking at anywhere between four and nine months. Don’t feel you have to answer right away, I’ll give you time to discuss this with your wife and you can decide what’s best. Lauren has been moved to the oncology ward, you can visit her now in room 215B if you wish.” With that the doctor was out of sight, back through those double doors. Paul stared off after him with tears in his eyes.18

After composing himself and washing his face in the poorly maintained hospital washroom, Paul headed towards 215B. He only stopped once on the way to pick up a teddy bear from the gift shop.19

Paul walked up to Lauren’s bed and sat on the edge, facing her. He reached his hand across the bed to squeeze his wife’s hand, and tucked the teddy bear under Lauren’s arm. He kissed her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked up at her dad with a slight smile on her face.20

Paul whispered in Lauren’s ear, “What do you say we go get some ice cream and play in the sandbox?” When she looked up at him with a look of pure glee and excitement, Paul made it his goal to make his daughter’s last three months on Earth just as good or better than her first three years.21