Cry for you

Silence, dark and heavy. In a gated neighborhood, consisting of cream-colored houses and freshly-mowed lawns, that silence lies. The sun is far on the other side of the world, the moon and stars are consumed by clusters of dark clouds. The only light that can be seen for miles is coming from a gas station's neon OPEN sign. Or so it seems. If you squint your eyes, look closer, another light can be seen in darkness.1

It shines through a crack in the shutters of a house. It looks like all the others. A white house with a red-painted door, the lawn is luscious and green with little ceramic animals, carefully placed between patches of colored flowers. That light is a symbol, a young girl's one and only hope of freedom. They all ignore it, pretending that the tiny sliver of light coming from the house doesn't exist; they act as if nothing out of the ordinary ever occurs. The girl, however, hopes this isn't true. 2

She sits in a chair beside the window, secretly hoping someone would see that light, that someone would hear her cries and make the pain go away. The shuffling of feet walking down a hallway can be heard, and soon a shadow appears from under the girl's door, quickly she turns off her light and curls up in the chair tightly, mouthing a silent prayer. The shadow passes and shuffling can be heard once again, followed by the slam of a door. Then silence.3

The girl lets out a relieved sigh, thankful that she had been able to avoid her father's drunken anger for the night. She finally relaxes, closes her drowsy eyes, and happily lets the darkness take her away.4

5


Bright, morning sunshine filters through the crack in the shutters, lighting up the girl's empty room. Angella Montragoon, her name, was neatly painted on her room's door. Angella had already eaten, and gotten herself dressed and was now making her lunch, being careful not to spill purple jelly on the floor. In a year or so she would be tall enough to comfortably reach the counter top, and then be able to make a sandwich without having to stand on her tippy toes.6

She finished the sandwich and sealed it away inside a Ziploc baggie before putting it into a brown paper sack, it fit snuggly between her juice and an apple. She put the sack into her torn up backpack and slipped the backpack straps over her shoulders.
The house was silent. The only sound that was audible was the sound of a bedroom door creeking as Angella pushed it open as quietly as possible. "Bye mommy." She whispered, bending over a large flowery bed to give her mother a kiss on the cheek. 7

She closed the door silently and went on a hunt for her father, finally finding him sprawled out on the floor of the bathroom passed out. She bent down and kissed his cheek as well, she didn't whisper him a goodbye for the fear that he would wake up. Quickly she hurried from the bathroom and down the hall. Making it out the red front door in record time, she began her solitary walk down the street to school.8


The school is small and quaint, educating five hundred children at most each year. A group of girls sporting sunglasses and fuzzy pink backpacks climbed the stone stairs leading to the school's doors. Angella quietly climbs the steps behind them, she was outcasted from the rest of the girls in her class because of her clothes and backpack. The dress she wore today was white with buttons, her mother's favorite. 9

Feeling lonely, as usual, she walks into the classroom and sits down in her seat. School was never a bad place in her opinion, she enjoyed learning, which was another charecteristic that got her outcasted. As the other children whisper and giggle she sits contently in her seat, copying down notes writen on the chalk board while her teacher circulates the room, breifly stopping at Angella's desk. Her hand freezes in mid-word, waiting for the teacher to pass. Finally, the teacher does and the writing continues.
Twenty,
Thirty,
Forty minutes.
The bell rings.
The door swings open, all that is heard is the clatter of shoes against wood.10

"Angella, sweetheart aren't you going to go to Recess with everyone else?" The teacher asks, concerned. Angella hadn't even noticed the bell, she nodded quietly and set her pencil down on the desk. The teacher watched as she skipped out of the classroom quietly. She watched as her student continued down the hall, she watched untill the girl was out of the building. The teacher walked slowly to the desk with the label "Miss Montagoon" taped to the front of it. She gazes sadly at her student's neat, legible writing. The teacher, like so many others, suspects things. If only she knew the whole truth.11


Outside in the school yard the sun warms all the playing students. Some are throwing balls back and forth, others chase eachother frivolously in the grass, giggling. Beneath a tree Angella sits alone and invisible, being showered with falling autumn leaves. She grabs an orange leaf and turns it over in her small, pale hands. "Mind if i sit here?" She jumps at the sound of a voice. A voice that shouldn't be there. A boy's voice.12

Angella shakes her head, keeping her focus on the leaf in her hands. "I'm Josh." The boy says as he sits down. She hasn't looked at him yet, but she can hear the leaves under him crunch as he sits. He puts his hand out so she can shake it, being a gentleman just like his father had taught him. She shakes his hand, flinching slightly when her skin touches his. "Angella." She says with a bit of confidence in her voice. He smiles, and for the first time in a long time she found herself smiling back.13


The second bell rang, the doors swung open, and the children shuffled back into their classrooms, still riled up from their fifteen minutes of outside play.
After saying their goodbyes, Angella and Josh entered their seperate classrooms with their classmates.
From the first moment Angella had entered the room her teacher noticed a difference in her mood. The teacher smiled, welcoming her class. This time the teacher's smile was real, she was glad about Angella's changed expression, yet in the back of her mind, in some deep dark place, she couldn't help but be concerned for her brightest student's welfare. 14

Angella sat patiently in her seat, like always. Instead of talking like the rest of the class, she watched the clock silently, counting each scond as it ticked by. Each tick led her closer to the end of school, every tick that went by meant she was another second closer to seeing Josh, who had pinky-promised her that they would meet once school got out. The teacher began talking again, silencing her class she started up the lesson, but this time Angella wasn't paying attention, she simply watched the clock's hands as they went by.
Tick, 15

tick, 16

tick... 17

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The day went on slowly, the empty school halls were soon flooded with students as the last bell of the day rang. The teacher searched for Angella, hoping to have a word with her before she left, but the girl was no where to be seen. Unsuccessful, the teacher shrugged and made her way back to her classroom.20

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Angella stood outside the school, for once she wouldn't be walking home alone. Josh had moved into a house that was only two houses away from her own. Half way through their silent walk an intresting conversation had sprouted between the two of them. "My daddy is over seas, it's just me and my mom." Josh stated proudly, his hands in his pockets.22

"My mother is...sick and...m-my father is home late most nights." Angella said, wishing she could tell him more about it, about the lonliness she came home to each day.23

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The silence became akward, but she didn't want the conversation to end, so she continued. "What's your mom like?"25

Josh's face lit up, she watched him, loving the way his eyes lit up every time he talked about something he loved.26

"Amazing! When I'm sad, she's sad and when I'm hurt she cries, like we're the same person." 27

Angella smiled weakly as the September breeze warmly slid past them.28

"Sounds nice, having someone there for you."29

"You don't have anyone?"30

She shook her head, "When I'm hurt, nobody cries but me."31

She looked at the sidewalk and began counting the lines and cracks in the concrete, not wanting to see the look of sadness upon her new friend's face.32

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He didn't say anything in reply. Angella looked up in time to notice they were infront of her house.35

"You know...I'll cry for you if you want." Josh's voice said, she could see the bright smile on his face once again. She smiled back. "We'll cry for eachother." "Promise?" He asked, she nodded. "Promise." She hooked her pinky finger with his, making their promise official.

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She wrapped her arms around his neck in a quick hug before darting up the walkway of her house. She watched him walk down the street from her doorway, once he was out of sight she closed the door and smiled.37

The house was silent, her backpack sat by the door right next to her pair or plain black tennis shoes. Angella wasn't in the kitchen getting a snack, nor in her bedroom sitting alone. She was in her mother's room, knelt down by the bed. "I made a new friend today mommy." She whispered, holding her mother's dainty hand. "I'm...s-so p-proud sweeth-h-heart." Her mother coughed out with tremendous effort.

The mother happily watched her daughter, giving her a weak smile. The cancer was draining her little by little. Just as her life was ending her daughters was begining. Not even her own mother knew about what happened after hours, she had no idea that her husband wasn't infact working late, but that he was at the bar drinking his troubles away. She hadn't the faintest idea that he would come home and take out his anger even more on their seven year old little girl. However, she saw the sadness in her daughter's eyes, a great maturity that seemed to settle on her young, angelic face.

"I'll let you rest now, good night mommy." Angella gave her mother a kiss, her mother squeezed her hand lightly before letting go. Before Angella even closed the door she could hear her mother's faint breathing as she drifted back to sleep.

The silent darkness came again. Angella sat in her bed, that light on once again. She cringed when she heard the front door open then slam shut. Her father's footsteps were unusually heavy tonight. She quickly clicked her lamp off and burried under the covers, clutching them tightly. She wasn't as lucky as she had been the night before. She squeezed her eyes shut when she heard her door knob turn. Her door opened, her heart beating faster and faster.

"Out of bed runt. I know your awake damnit." Angella froze, she didn't move, didn't dare make a sound. A large, calloused hand grabbed her comforter and peeled it away. "Get up damnit!" He growled quietly, even when he was drunk he didn't want to wake his poor, medicated wife up.

Angella stretched out her legs and sat up, pretending to be sleepy. "Daddy?" She asked innocently, rubbing her eyes sleepily. "Stand up, not on the floor on the bed." He slurred, glaring her down. She did so, her heart racing faster. Sweaty hands grabbed the ruffly hem of her favorite, and only, nightgown. He pulled it up over her head, throwing it onto the ground. It landed softly, the only sound in the room was the sound of her heart. Faster and faster it kept beating.

"Daddy i'm cold." She whispered, knowing he would ignore her. He put a hand on her stomach and mumbled something to himself. His hand slipped down a little lower. She stumbled back, staring at him with deep, pleading blue eyes. He let out a long, tired sigh. "Angie do you love your mommy?" Angella nodded a 'yes' to her father's question. "Help mommy then," He said, pulling his daughter closer to him. "Be a good girl and help mommy, you want to help her don't you?" She nodded, her heart slowing down. "What daddy is going to do will help mommy OK?" her heart sped up again but she nodded regardless. "Good girl."

Her father's hand was on her stomach, his eyes closed. She trembled as he slipped her underwear off. His eyes still closed his hands got even lower, bellow her belly button now. He let out a sigh of delight, his hands moving slowly, he got closer. Her heart faster. "Tom?" A weak call in the darkness. She was saved. His eyes snapped open.

"Yes, my love?" He called back, running for the door. Angella slipped her underwear back on and picked up her pajamas from the floor, rubbing the dust off of them before slipping the dress on. She silently climbed into her old blue chair near the window, and curled up. She gazed out the window, knowing she was in for it now. Her father would be furious that her mother had awoken.

In the other room she heard her father speak softly to her mother, "I'll get to bed soon dear, don't street your pretty little self, i'm going to go say good night to Angella." She curled up tighter, bracing herself. This time when her father walked in he closed the door. His footsteps had become softer, he made his way torward her chair, and bent down beside it. His breath hot in her ear, he whispered, "Your nothing. Worthless. No one cares about you. They never will."

Ignoring the words she had heard so many times before, Angella closed her eyes, she wrapped her arms around her head and rested her head on her knees. The first thing she felt was a boot, hard and muddy. It hit her shin, the numbing pain spreading through her entire leg. She didn't scream, or cry, or make a single noise. Silently she accepted each blow. One by one.

It was late into the night, the moon was high up in the sky, so high it wasn't visible from her window. Her father had lumbered back to his room. Angella, still curled up in her chair, stared at the sky. The stars shinging vibrantly, uncovered by the clouds. She thought of Josh and for the first time all night a single tear slid down her cheek, and she wondered if he was crying too.

The morning was like any other. Angella was out the door, her lunch packed and her goodbyes said. She wore a long sleeve and pants, covering her sore arms and legs from all the unwanted stares. "Morning!" Josh smiled, his hair sticking out in all dirrections. Angella smiled shyly, "Hi." She had done her short brown hair specially this morning, braiding it just like her mother had taught her. They began their walk to school, chatting away.

Angella sat in her classroom, watching the clock again while taking notes at the same time. So caught up in doing both of those things at the same time, she hadn't even noticed her name was being called. "Angella?" The teacher repeated, she was standing infront of her desk, the phone in her hand. "Yes?" Angella asked quietly, looking up from her paper. "The principal would like to see you in his office sweetheart." She got up from her seat, the whole class was watching her. Sentances like "Oooooh" and "Your in trouble!" came from her classmate's mouths as she made her way to the door.

"Quiet!" The teacher shouted, her arms crossed angrily at her class's rudeness. Her eyes followed Angella out the door, a concerned look on her face throughout the rest of the day. Angella curiously began her trek down the hall to the wooden door labeled, "Principal".

"Angella!" She turned. There was Josh, leaning against a wall next to his classroom. "What are you doing?" She asked curiously. "I...sort of got it trouble...sort of." He grinned, his hands in his pockets again. She smiled, shaking her head. "You shouldn't do that." "I know." He shrugged. "So what are you doing?" "Umm I have to go to the principal's...I'm not in trouble though." She said, watching his expression turn from happy to confused. "Oh, well you promise to still walk home with me after school?" She hooked her pinky finger through his and smiled, "Promise". The door opened and an old woman came out of the room, "Joshua Smith get in here now!" He nodded and hurried into the room, looking back at her. She watched them for a little while but then turned and headed down the hall.

"Oh Angella I was afraid you'd never come." The principal was an old, plump woman with warm, kind eyes. Angella however, was not fond of her office which smelled like orange juice and prunes, two substances that didn't smell particularly good when put together. Reluctantly she sat down in an uncomfortable, prickly chair. Silence fell over the room, and a few moments later, much to her surprise, her father steped through the door and into the office.

"Ah, Mr. Montagoon it's nice to see you, I'm deeply sorry for your loss sir." The principal said, greeting him kindly. "Thank you ma'am." He nodded, Angella saw her father's weary, hurt expression and she suddenly became very, very frightened.

"We'll be going now, I'll tell her myself thanks." Her father nodded politely again, the principal smiled at Angella as they left the office, "Of course, I'll see you around." The door shut softly, they silently walked to their car. "Angie, honey I have soon bad news." Angella gripped the hem of her shirt scared, the tighter she clutched her fisst the more her bruises began to hurt. "Mommy....she joined the angels this morning." Her father loosened his tie, and opened the car door for her. When she wouldn't get in he picked her up and buckled her in the seat, shutting the door he moved to the front of the car and got into his own seat.

Not a single word was said. She shook her head, tears silently slid down her cheeks. He said nothing. The houses seemed to pass by them so fast, the trees and flowers all just a jumbled blur. The car was getting faster, her mind buzzing with a million thoughts. She thought of her mother's comforting touch, and her promise to Josh. She thought of the black and blue spots that covered her arms and legs, and she thought of the stars up in the sky. She longed to be there, she wished to be a star in the sky, shining as brightly as possible.

As her tears began to stop she began to realize how fast the car was starting to get. They were going so fast she couldn't tell the difference between a house and a tree. "Daddy?" She sniffled, wiping her eyes with her sleezve. No reply. His foot goes down more, untill the gas pedal hits the floor. His eyes are red and puffy, and focused on the long, straight road ahead of them. The speedometer is at it's limit, the glass covering it begins to crack slightly.

Angella watches, helplessly, her eyes finally dry, she begins to cry again. Not heavily, but one single tear. One single tear falls down her cheek and hits the seat, the last tear she would ever cry. The street turns left, but the car does not. Off the street and into the perfect green grass, it tramples over the pretty planted flowers. Faster her heart beats, faster, faster the car goes. Suddenly it stops. The car slams into a tree with tremendous force, it stops, just like the hearts of the two people within it. Everything stops, the birds stop singing, the wind stops blowing, and it seems like the whole world has stopped to mourn.

Tick by tick, time went on. The school bell rang, relieved Joshua ran from his classroom, ignoring his teacher's angry shouts about not running in the halls. He burst through the school doors, waiting for Angella just like they'd promised. Ten minutes, Twenty minutes, Thirty minutes. No Angella.

His head down he walked home alone, watching the sidewalk sadly. She'd broken their promise. She hadn't been there for him. He looked up into the cloudy sky, that's when he felt the first drop. It hit him smack on the forehead. Then another, and another, and it began to rain. Although he didn't know it yet, even the sky was mourning as drop by drop, it poured.

Soaking wet Joshua walked through the front door, kicking off his shoes. "Oh, Josh!" His mother greeted him frantically, she immediately wrapped her arms around him, he hugged her back unable to understand her panic. He looked at her teary brown eyes. She had been crying. Terror swept over him, was she OK? He thought, worried for his mother's well being, completely forgetting about his broken promise.

"I have news....about your little friend h-honey." She said, beginging to cry again she pulled her son into another hug protectively. "What was her name? Angel? Angelina?" His mother asked, pulling away from their hug she sat down on the floor and pulled her son into her lap. "Angella." Josh corrected her, not realizing she meant something had happened to Angella untill moments after he had said her name.

"What about her? She broke a promise with me today...I don't want to hear about her ever again! You don't brake promises, you just don't!" He said angrily, more upset and sad than mad at her. "Oh sweetheart," His mother said softly, pressing her son's head against her, "She's dead."

Those words slammed into Josh like a train. He hadn't seen it coming at all, just wham! "What?" He asked quietly, not understanding wy his mother would say something as horrible as that, surely it isn't true, he thought. "Honey, I'm so sorry. Theres was an accident early this afternoon, She didn't make it. Josh sniffed, wraping his arms around his mother's neck, angry at himself for not being able to cry.

Sunday morning was coudy and gray. Not a single ray of sunshine could make its way past the cloud's cover. The teacher, the prinicpal, Josh, and his mother. They all stood around three polished gray stones. One read the name of Angella's mother, the other had her father's name printed on it. Josh's eyes were focused on only one of the small gray stones, there was a small rose carved into this particular one. It read:

ANGELLA MONTAGOON, 2002-2009.

The teacher bowed her head in silence, wishing she had taken the risk and accused the girl's father of what he was doing. They all suspected what was happening, but none of them had spoken up. Finding safety in their silence they chose to stay mute, keep their thoughts to themselves and not say a word. The evening went by, the teacher and principal placed flowers on the graves and left. Josh stayed, refusing to leave.

He knelt down beside her grave, a white rose in his hand. He set the rose down on her grave and stared at it, silently. Then, in the midst of all the silence, something happened. His eyes began to water, and a tear fell down his face and onto the pale gray stone. And then another. He was finally crying. He was crying for her. "I'll always cry for you, I love you." He whispered, wiping the tears from his face. His mother gently took hold of his hand, slowly and gently guiding him back down the street, back home.

That night he sat on the window sill in his room and stared at the stars. His eyes seemed completely dry, he had cried all the tears from them. One star caught his eye, he had never seen it in the sky before. It was the was shining brightly, brighter than all the others. Tired, he decided to climb into bed and snuggled under the covers. His heart heavy with sadness, he closed his eyes and decided firmly, there would always, no matter what, be a place for her in his heart. Her memory would always be with him, and although his heart was still weighed down by sadness, he felt safe. Finally, he fell asleep. With a smile on his face, he dreamt of an angel.