While walking along a dark, damp lake, I closed my eyes and sobbed, knowing that I would never see them again. I could only fantasize, dream, and think of the times we could've been together. I was all alone now. There was no one to take care of me anymore...1
Then it happened.2
I slipped, my bare feet stinging at the pain of a sharp rock entering my skin and falling into the water with a splash. All I could see was an endless, black liquid surround me, no matter where I looked. I tried to swim up, but my body seemingly resisted.3
Was I going to die this way? Just like they did? Could I not have another chance? Or is this what they wanted...4
Miraculously, I felt a strong hand grab my arm and hoist me back up. My dark brown hair covered my dampened face. Tears streamed down my face, although it was hardly noticeable. "Who...?" I managed to squeak while nearly choking on my tears, "Who are you...?"5
The figure didn't answer, his light blonde hair covering most of his face. He rubbed my hand and helped me up, smiling, as if he knew that was going to happen.6
"Do you want to?" he asked me quickly.7
"Do I want to what?" I repeated quietly, finally able to speak.8
"Die. And join them." he answered coldly.9
Without any hesitation, he threw me into the water and kept my head down. I flailed and tried to take his hand off of me, but he was too strong. I couldn't do anything. I screamed, trying to get attention, but there was no one around. 10
I soon stopped flailing.11
My heartbeat slowed down...12
And I felt a cold liquid run through my mouth...13
So, I guess he was doing me a favor. Nonetheless, I rethought of the scene that just happened over and over and laughed. I tried to fight him? He was obviously more powerful. 14
But... At the end of this dark tunnel, surrounded by a mystic veil... I see a light... And hear... Someone...15
"Naomi?" a soft voice asked. "Naomi?"16
I opened my eyes, seeing countless white clouds and golden strips of lace and sunshine against my bed room. "M-Mommy...?"17
"Yes, Naomi... It's me." she answered kindly, that soft, same voice flow smoothly through my ears.18
"He helped me..." I said bluntly and foolishly, feeling her caress my cheek.19
"Who, dear?" she asked, her bright blue eyes staring into my dull green ones.20
"That man. Now I can live happily with my family... I can be where my mommy and daddy are now."
Author notes
Meh, I was listening to HONEY when I made this. XD
A contest entry
- I Can't Breath by FreakshowAkaChristy.
135 points, ended August 11, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
D:
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Well written
But a bit confusing. Not really sure exactly what happened and references to "them" I assume were the parents. But the writing is very precise technically. Since it was a contest entry, I assume it may be subject to a word limit that may have denied you the chance to make it more clear.
-
Interesting. She died the most horrible way to die, and yet she is happy. I'd have sought revenge, maybe with a bucket of ice water or something... Maybe you couldn've had a bit more description? Maybe of the boy, or of the protagonist herself? The sourroundings or the feeling the girl had as she drowned, cold water against her will pouring down her throat. Any way, it was well written, but yet very predictable. I love happy endings as long as they're not Disney.
-
AAAWWWWWW!!!
-
-
Itish OK, Tenshi.
-
-
BLEHHHHHHHH
SIMIAN ALMOST DROWNED
>:0 -
-
I don't care.
-
-
i so totally can't tell if it was a dream, or if she died and her parents were in heaven.............
Other then that, the story was written fairly well all except the line " my dampened face and tears streamed down my face" < modify that, and make a clearer ending, and you have a really cool story.
..........
Matteo from My Morning Story
-
-
Thank you. :3
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
