Standing in line is something everyone does at some point; at a bank for money or food, at a carnival for rides or the bathroom, or at war to shoot or get shot. Unfortunately I was in the middle of performing the latter when I realized I was a hippy. 1
A downright out-and-out tree-hugging-everyone-loving-hippy. Even more unfortunate is that there is no “change of heart” in war, because when in a war, you simply cannot have a heart. You can’t have a heart, or a brain, or a feeling, or even a full bowel. It all gets in the way of killing your enemy. 2
I had walked out there with my flag and my lie of courage and hate, the finest weapons a man can have in a fight. But all of the sudden there were a million things in the way of my bullet and my enemy. 3
There was my mother and father, who hadn’t raised a killer. There was my sweetheart, who hadn’t fallen in love with a murderer. There was my little brother, who wouldn't look up to a man without a soul.4
More than that there was my enemy’s family and friends, faceless of course, but standing there all the same. The field was full of men smelling like cold metal and gunpowder, and next to them the figments of everything soft and lovely in this world. How could I kill that guy whose kid was hanging off his neck? That one with his dog nibbling his shoe ties? The one holding his Grammy’s hand?5
Easy. I pointed my gun and shot them both.6
Author notes
Ollllld shit.
[Aight I think it's time I clarified something, the grandma and dog and all that the character sees are illusions, he's going a little crazy. He's shooting the soldier, and thin air next to the soldier. He's realized he doesn't want to kill people, but he's in a situation now where if he doesn't shoot he'll probably get shot, so he just goes kinda bezerk, not killing civilians, killing soldiers and figmints of his imagination coming from a sudden burst of guilt.]
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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aww...mandas a really good write...its creative! I likes alot!
*~*Vhitter*~* -
awesome. nice and realistic
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Very creative write you have penned. The comments helped to explain it somewhat. What images these words bring to mind. Well written.
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this was really enjoyable, though i'm glad you explained the ending
I do think you should perhaps reword the ending but I understand if you don't want to touch an old piece
a great one though -
i think this is amazing. someone was talking to me about this kind of things the other day. what war can do to you. you wrote this very well i would have guessed you had been trhought this yourself. i just think the color of the text needs to change. its hard to read.
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all seriousness aside for a sec, this one cracked me up...such heresy!
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I think you paint the ugly reality of what a lot of people realize too late in the game. War is such a truly terrible thing, and yet it's been going on since humans have existed. I don't understand what gets into us to act this way, but it's all very sad. And I think you said in a few words, quite a lot. You painted some very big visuals. Thanks for your words!
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I think this was a very realistic write. I can imagine that when you're actually stuck in war with no possibilty to get out, the only option is to go crazy. Some do it in this way, others do it in another way; it's all just as sad... The ending was quite surprising, really, which was GOOOOD I first read it and was like... what??? But it's just surprising, shocking realism I guess.
Great job!
Ostara
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very well written
This is very realistic. You tell a great story and the imagery is fantastic. I just never expected the ending, but then surprise endings are what makes some people famous.
etherealforu
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i'm not sure why you felt you had to clarify; i though you did a good job of describing the images as visions or hallucinations. i like the end, the twist. i'm not sure i would include the word easy though but i can't think of another way. i just think it lightens the tone when the last line should just be stand-up shocking... if that makes sense?
excellent job though, it made me go into the same headspace.
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yep it takes going to war to fully realize the horrors...
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very interesting. you did a good job showing how hard it is when you go into war and have to deal with those kind of situations. the ending was shocking though.
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Heresy, as a vet of two wars, I can tell you of course some of these things you have described are relevant and true, but on others, you are way off the mark. (In my view) We are never mindless robots (WE NEVER EVER SHOOT BOTH) that is against the rules of engagement and you will absolutely go to jail or be court marshaled. Were I your boss, things would be so, there are times when we are in harms we have to hold our fire and risk injury to protect innocent and yes, Civilians can be innocents, depending. Are there times we you still have to engage non-combats of course, but you had better make darn sure you are right. However, all this said we do have to think of our warrior who is placing his life on the line. Image and Visions.
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Yep, that is the kind of talent allot of nazi's had: "I was just following orders;" but there comes a time when even a soldier has to take responsibility, especially concerning civilians, and prisoners. Welcome to the real world ya little ****, and you can put that joint down ****, shooting that Grandma is gunna hurt ya: your court-martialed; hoo-rah. (LOL)
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Old, but still relavent. War is just ugly. A means to an end. Lets ask the ones in charge if they'd give up something for true freedom. I bet there would be less fighting if that were the case. I share that point of view. Killing with no trace of remorse or spark of conscience. Only I have not personally witnessed it.
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I didn't realize that I had already read this. I'm sorry to take away points. But I still like this little story. You did a good job with it.
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The imagery here is fantastic! You painted a wonderful picture. I was a little surprised with the ending and had to laugh. Great write.
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Nice little story. Quite emotive, well written, and quite an enjoyable read. Very well done.
Bestest of wishes and al that other mushy, gushy stuff
~Meli~
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A lot of emotion written into these words giving one view of war I think you did a great job with this. Well done and keep up the good work
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Wow... that's really... different. It's a fine written story with a huge twist at the end. Like Billy Campbell said, I'm not sure if the twist was good and flowed enough. Good job, otherwise, though.
--Tim -
You make some good points in your story but I do not think that the ending quite fits in with the rest of your composition. I think you were trying to twist the ending but it is just too different
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This is really good. I like how you started it with what a horrible person you were and how no one could love you for doing what you're doing, and then you end it by showing that you like who you've become. Good job. Thanks for sharing.
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Wow. Did you ever describe war. I thought about it after i read it, how you are right. War is what it is, war. It is too bad that war truly cannot be waged without repercussions of feeling, because we are human after all. I would have to agree with the first part, if that is a hippie, i am a hippie, i dont think i could shoot them both at the end though. Very thought provoking. Well done.
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It's good, the ending had me laughing. So good work, it's a thought provoking piece as well as being funny, well done.
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